Couple weeks ago I had what I'm going to self label as an epiphany - aka a revaluation and/or holly shit moment. The epiphany concerned sex, human intimacy. It came in early morning, ~5 am, while laying awake in bed. It felt as if a "switch" went off inside my head. As with flashbacks and past revelations I've had this latest epiphany had a preamble. The pre amble occurred the day before and was, I want to have male-to-male intimacy. I was astonished by the thoughts. Shamed. I actually said to myself, ~"what is your fucking problem?" But the feeling and thought came from deep within me. Then the next day, 5 am, the epiphany, sex is not dirty. Male-to-male intimacy is not dirty. Male-to-female intimacy is not dirty. I had the feeling that these human acts are ok, natural, not shameful, a part of the human experience. Part of life. I felt joy and relief. It seemed the life long struggle, block had been removed. I walked around on cloud 9 the rest of the day. All kinds of other memories of things fell into place. Like the time I was riding in the back seat of a car with a male friend when ~18 and me looking at the bulge in his crotch - he to was ~18. I never knew why I stared at his crotch for hours as we rode to our destination. Well now I know, I'm gay and was drawn to his dick and wanted to have sex with him. (god he was hot) Simple yes. But dirty acts and indicator of a block inside my head. But now the block has been removed.