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Have you had an epiphany - aka holly shit moments?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by brainwashed, May 1, 2020.

  1. brainwashed

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    Couple weeks ago I had what I'm going to self label as an epiphany - aka a revaluation and/or holly shit moment. The epiphany concerned sex, human intimacy. It came in early morning, ~5 am, while laying awake in bed. It felt as if a "switch" went off inside my head.

    As with flashbacks and past revelations I've had this latest epiphany had a preamble. The pre amble occurred the day before and was, I want to have male-to-male intimacy. I was astonished by the thoughts. Shamed. I actually said to myself, ~"what is your fucking problem?" But the feeling and thought came from deep within me.

    Then the next day, 5 am, the epiphany, sex is not dirty. Male-to-male intimacy is not dirty. Male-to-female intimacy is not dirty. I had the feeling that these human acts are ok, natural, not shameful, a part of the human experience. Part of life. I felt joy and relief. It seemed the life long struggle, block had been removed.

    I walked around on cloud 9 the rest of the day. All kinds of other memories of things fell into place. Like the time I was riding in the back seat of a car with a male friend when ~18 and me looking at the bulge in his crotch - he to was ~18. I never knew why I stared at his crotch for hours as we rode to our destination. Well now I know, I'm gay and was drawn to his dick and wanted to have sex with him. (god he was hot) Simple yes. But dirty acts and indicator of a block inside my head. But now the block has been removed.
     
    #1 brainwashed, May 1, 2020
    Last edited: May 1, 2020
  2. ChescaC

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    Yes, I’ve had one. It was pretty major

    I had “Girl Moded” it to karaoke, it was in between the two numbers I was doing that night(“Criminal” Fiona Apple, and then “Ironic” Alanis Morissette.), when suddenly I had the Epiphany. “Holy crap, this is me.” And then a moment of panic of “this is me, what am I going to do?” But I messaged a friend, seeing if he was still going to come. I told him I had something major to tell him.
    But I know what spurred on that epiphany was earlier that evening, a little girl asking Her mommy “is that a boy or a girl?”
     
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  3. Robyn mac

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    I had a moment after my 1st sexual encounter with another man. That I really enjoyed this . The best sex I ever had . This is me . I had told my girlfriend and she arranges more encounters for both of us.
    BTW she arranged the date with the man so I could try it.
     
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  4. Robyn mac

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    Also sex is not dirty with two consenting adults. Whether it is same sex or mixed partners or multiple partners. As long as everyone consents and not forced.
     
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  5. brainwashed

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    Your words as quoted above - you know this is making me think. My epiphany really is a "this is me" moment. Thanks for presenting this type of experience from an different angle.
     
    #5 brainwashed, May 2, 2020
    Last edited: May 2, 2020
  6. brainwashed

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    Lol, ok now your teasing & challenging me.

    Bingo
     
  7. brainwashed

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    You see @Robyn mac, not knowing the my history, I was basically forced to take conversion against my will (I self label as proxy conversion therapy) in my mid teens and was taught that all human intimacy is dirty. But I'm coming around, thanks to people like you giving feedback to me.
     
  8. Robyn mac

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    Hello Brainwashed, The only one that can brainwash you is yourself. It was the best sex I ever had. It made me realise that this is me. I had enjoyed the touch, kissing , and sex. There was something missing when being with my girlfriend. As it turns out I have been lets say always an uneasy feeling, clumsy type not sure of myself. Being with a man comes no naturally.
    No teasing no challange just my truthful feelings.
     
  9. Biappeal

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    I absolutely had such a moment when I accepted that I was gay (@ 45 yo). I had thought of myself as bi for many years. But in nearly a moment I realized that I was and had always been gay. The realization came with an amazing and uplifting feeling, which I still feel over 10 years later.
     
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  10. chicodeoro

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    Yes and it was less than a month ago. Just added a whole load of stuff up about my life and realised the truth about myself - that I'm trans and I always have been. At that moment it was like someone instantly threw a switch in my head from male to female. I felt elated and utterly terrified, and weeks later I'm still trying to come to terms with it.
     
  11. Kevins1197

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    I’ve always found certain boys attractive growing up and some girls.

    Strangely enough most of the girls I ever liked growing up were either gay or bisexual themselves. Despite being 18/19 and creeping around aol gay chat rooms I thought nothing of it. Around 17/18 was also the I started to become more comfortable admitting I’m attracted to boys as I’d always been.

    Years later at work I had a crush on a woman who it turns out is lesbian, but we became friends for her birthday one year she and some other people were going to a gay bar and she invited me.

    I had to work late and couldn’t go but sitting at home that night I started thinking about what it would be like to kiss and make our with a guy, my heart started beating faster, I felt a flash of heat come over me. I said it out loud for the first time I’m gay.

    I guess subconsciously I wanted to go the idea of being out excited me.
     
  12. Contented

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    My epiphany was the first time I had sexual intimacy with another man. The flood of emotions was incredible. I had never ever felt the same sensuality, erotism and pure pleasure with a woman as I did with a man. Every aspect of gay sexuality that night opened up in me feeling of finally understanding what I had been missing and I wanted. It took a little while to completely come to terms with it but I knew that night without a doubt I was gay. I also knew my days pretending heterosexuality were over and I wanted and needed to be with a man. From that day I knew I wanted to be in a real relationship sexual and emotional with another man.
     
    #12 Contented, Jun 16, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2020
  13. NotTooLoud

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    I didn't leave my wife cuz I'm gay. I stayed with cuz I knew I was/am gay and couldn't deal with it. Finally, I (grew some balls and) left because she was such a bitch.
     
  14. Contented

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    I thought about this question a little more and I think I might change my answer. As wonderful, romantic, sensual as my first time sexual experience was I think the true epiphany was the next morning. I clearly remember waking up next to this handsome man, bodies together with no guilt, worry, remorse, second guessing and having this wonderful sense that this was so so right. That truly was the fantastic epiphany that finally opened my eyes to my true homosexual nature.
     
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  15. maxx

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    My epiphany was after living on the planet as a closeted gay man for 50 years, married to a woman - with the 'impossible' idea of coming out at that age - how quickly I changed from thinking "I can't possibly come out" to "I can't possibly stay married to a woman". My sense of identity - though I was slow to get there - changed EXTREMELY quickly.
     
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  16. NotTooLoud

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    Me, too. I did not want to be married to anybody anymore, actually. The law gives one person way too much control over another. And my ex-wife knew just how to take advantage of this (like by saying, "Just send my husband the bill" !
     
  17. BlueOcean

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    Yes. After a traumatic event. My epiphany came about a week or so after leaving hospital. This was following a haemorrhage due to miscarriage which resulted in a blood transfusion and an operation. Not the best timing.
     
  18. JessNC

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    Yes, I've had a few moments when a realization about myself arrived in an ah-hah or oh-shit moment. Its pretty amazing. One moment for me had to do with recognizing, for me, a deep connection between being vulnerable and desiring receptive sex. It came after losing control and realizing how long I had strived to always be in control, both in my life and in my sexuality.
     
  19. brainwashed

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    Is this enough to say your gay or is it that you are just being human? Your post is making me think, what "perfect definition" fits so one can declare themselves as gay? I'm actually thinking this morning, sexuality is more a statistical curve (bell shaped?) than a single point revaluation.