... after being in the doldrums for a while, then stepping out of denial and feeling and amazing surge of sexual energy through your body? It happened to me today. Last week my daughter broke up with her boyfriend. I've been witnessing firsthand her deep grief. I resolved I would not put anyone dear to me through such pain and I set my own needs aside. I've been feeling utterly non-sexual. I've been wondering if this is just my stage of life, now in my sixties. Maybe this is just how it is as I fade Into the sunset. Then this morning, out of the blue, my wife asked me if I plan on attending any Pride events this month. Wow! Everything in me woke up again - the sexuality, the fear, the excitement, the uncertainty. Has that ever happened to you?
This is very good news and very encouraging! While not exactly how you describe it, there is a certain amount of energy and euphoria that comes with the sense of being accepted and validated, for sure. I feel my confidence and self-esteem get a boost from little signs and reminders that I am accepted for who I am and that I am receiving encouragement to continue on this journey. And of course, that I am not in this alone. I'm truly happy for you and I'm hopeful that this may be a sign that the ice is starting to crack. Anything in particular brought this on for her, or do you think that she has done enough reflection on this to feel a bit more centered and secure?
Svenbutton You have same sex attractions. And, if I understand it correctly, your wife and you are not intimate very often if at all. I went through a period where I was just not interested in sex. It was a marriage survival technique. If I made sex and my sexuality unimportant then I could keep it hidden and I could stay in my marriage. This was a cop out. I became angry and depressed. I need intimacy. After coming out and really expressing to my wife that I was interested in more intimacy I found out my sex drive became very high again. Now, I have gone from "whatever" about sex to wanting it all the time. And, it's not just gay sex, although that's mostly what I get now. It is hetero sexual attraction too. Being able to allow oneself to explore how one feels attraction can stimulate desire. This could be directed to your wife. We attended Pride together and the sharing made our intimacy that weekend much better. Because I felt like I could be vulnerable with her.
Hi @LostJedi - I wasn’t quite sure how to regard my wife's comment. It could have been a positive thing with her acknowledging the importance to me, or it might have been a negative thing as in, whether this another thoughtless thing I'm going to do. Regardless, it's good that the dialog is open.
I can relate When I put my toe in the water/it’s a rush Then I think WTF am I doing and I get depressed and down on myself Then something happens where I begin to become more congruent with myself and it’s that rush again
Oh ya I've observed a direct coloration between feeling down and "my drive". I no longer deny I'm a gay. Specially after events these last few months. Age has nothing to do with it. I consider older gay men to be more mature and seasoned - like a fine bottle of red wine thats been in the cellar for a while. Yum! [/QUOTE]......Everything in me woke up again - the sexuality, the fear, the excitement, the uncertainty. ......[/QUOTE] Thats how it works. Yes
You know on a mountain bike ride last evening I have come to the conclusion that my me has been asking for intimacy for a long time. Interesting how a right brain activity can get the neurons firing. I have come to the conclusion there is a hefty price paid for not making one vulnerable. Very expensive emotionally and financially.
