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Have you always been accepting of your Sexuality?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Atreyo, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. Psycho Jess

    Psycho Jess Guest

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    Wow, some of these stories are really sad and some of them are really encouraging. Heck, a few are both.

    Personally I never really had a problem with sexuality or gender. Honestly, It felt Pretty natural growin up when I liked girls, and liking guys felt like the more odd thing xD but never did I think that there was something wrong with me. It was just who I was, an I was happy with that.

    When I was forced to exit the closet, stage left, Thats when things got a bit bad. I never disbelieved who I was but I was irritated with everyone, myself included, that I had somehow gotten in that situation. (Like being born really pale and getting a bad sunburn. Your irritated you're pale, your irritated at the sun, and furious that you put yourself in that situation. Yet, you never really hate yourself.) To me it was a very unpleasant experience because of others, but I never blamed myself or denied it.
     
  2. imnotreallysure

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    There was some initial reluctance to the idea that I might be gay, but I've never associated being gay with anything negative, so it was a relatively easy process for me - and certainly no shame involved.

    I could have come out sooner than I did - but I was afraid of people's perceptions of me changing. I'd no longer just be someone's cousin or nephew, but their 'gay cousin' or 'gay nephew'. It wasn't a fear of rejection, but a fear of people only seeing my sexuality and not me as a person.
     
    #42 imnotreallysure, Nov 5, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2015
  3. Libra Neko

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    When I was about 11, and in love with a boy, I noticed that I was also attracted to women. I hated it. When I was 17, I decided it was okay. Sometimes, as an adult, I've actually done the reverse and wished I was a Kinsey 6.
     
  4. photoguy93

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    I always have - when I realized I was, I just thought "ehh, no big deal."

    As time went on though...I became more and more ashamed. I realized that it was not easy, that guys weren't interested, and some people didn't like it.

    It definitely made things worse for me. I don't date, I don't really have guy friends, but I do accept who I am. It's weird how things go!
     
  5. Ivy Iris

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    Well when I was young, I was ok with myself. I didn't even question it. I was a Christian back then, but I was 7-8, so no one told me much about love and stuff like that. Girls in my neighbourhood were all talking about boys when we played games.

    It was the norm. But I never truly got it. I thought boys were boring. Yeah, I could get along with them better than with girls because I am a guy at heart, but I wasn't one of those girls that dreamt of marrying a boy, of having kids or stuff like that. I liked cars, I hated being called a princess and I was the dragon or the knight, sometimes just the villain, when I played with other kids.

    But girls, on the other hand, I found beautiful. I didn't give it much thought though. So years passed. And one day I found myself in a curious predicament- namely a girl, a year younger than me, asked me if I had a boyfriend. Now that wasn't too weird. I was maybe 11 or 12 and since I wasn't one of the popular girls I didn't have a boyfriend. It didn't bother me either. So I said no. What she asked me afterwards should have made me frown, but it didn't. She asked is she could kiss me and be my girlfriend, if I was ok with that. And I said yes. And we were pretty cute for a while, to be honest. But then she moved away and I never saw her again.

    After that, 2-3 years passed again when I found myself in a similar predicament. Another girl asked me out and I said yes. But things were getting messy. I was 13-14 and I was starting to understand that normally girls don't date girls. I grew up in Romania. That country is not at all accepting of gay couples. I overheard my grandparents talking about LGBT people being ill people, being wrong and disgusting. I panicked, so I never told anyone anything. And not too long after that, she cheated on my with a guy.

    So angry, scared and frustrated, I went out with guys and called myself straight for 4 years or so. Sometimes I would stop and think about my sexuality, but I panicked before I even got anywhere so I kept going out with guys, although a part of me screamed every time I kissed a guy.

    At some point, I discovered yaoi and fanfiction and that helped me understand, in time, that there was nothing wrong with being something else than straight. That gay men weren't always dressed in pink or that lesbians weren't girls who hated men. I also became an atheist sometime in the middle of this- I went through some rough things and decided to rely on myself only rather than a deity that cared not about me- so I didn't feel so guilty about my attraction to girls. So I came out as bisexual to some friends. At that point I thought I was.

    Just that I wasn't. I am too much of a guy to be bi. I am too much of a guy too like men in romantic or sexual way. And then, I actually just really like girls. So two months ago I finally came out of the closet to my mum. After that, three of my best friends followed and now I think all of my classmates know plus people I met at parties- because for some reason I always get asked if I am gay at parties, but just at parties.

    So now I am ok with it, finally. And it feels amazing. Because I don't have to force myself to fit in society's norm. I don't have to like guys romantically or sexually. I can just be me and smile at pretty girls on the street if I want to. It's great. (Sorry for the long story guys. I felt like getting it off my chest.)
     
  6. Atreyo

    Atreyo Guest

    I completely agree with this. I think about this all the time. Sex would be the first thing they think about if they know i'm gay; family, I mean.

    As for me, I was raised Christian and have been a believer as far back as I can remember. I was actually sexually active at a fairly young age yet at the same time, suffered from massive guilt and self condemnation. As I got older, I tried resisting my urges more and more. Even to the point of trying to fully change my sexuality.

    Like most other homosexual Christians, I believed I would go to Hell if something didn't change. When I was in my mid 20's, I immersed myself in research. Research into what it is I believe. Long story short, I was able to accept my sexuality. Certain Christians helped me a lot in this process and I am very grateful that I was able to learn from them.

    I realized that my faith and my sexuality don't have to be at odds.

    Some people ask me though, "Why do you persist in a religion that doesn't even want you?"

    My answer to that is: I believe because I do, I cannot choose to disbelieve just because of lack of acceptance from other believers. What's more, I do not need to prove anything to them, I don't even care about their acceptance. If it's not homosexuality, it'll be something else we disagree on.

    In short, what they feel about me is irrelevant.
     
    #46 Atreyo, Nov 5, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2015
  7. davidfreckelton

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    Well, I my first same sex crush was the Green Arrow from Smallville in grade six but I guess I didn't consciously know it. I too was raised in I catholic family where I got the vibe that all gay people were evil and disgusting. In mid grade nine I began to realize my sexuality and where I went wrong with what I thought. Once I fully realized that I am bisexual, I accepted that I can't really change and that I've been bi my entire life.
    then for a while I got really pissed off at my parents for raising me like that. I became paranoid that my entire family would hate me if I told them but I really wanted to tell someone. then I found this place and built up the courage and comfortability to talk to my friends openly about it. thank you empty closets(!)
     
  8. ForNarnia

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    I aggressively rationalised it for years. I'd be watching TV, and a female character would appear on screen and I'd just think 'woah, she's hot'. I'd then spend 20 minutes assuring myself that everyone must think that, and she's meant to be pretty, she's meant to make you think you're gay, and that's all it is. Boy, was I wrong :wink:

    Once I accepted that I wasn't straight, it was plain sailing.