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Have I missed out?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Meghann, Jan 14, 2022.

  1. Meghann

    Regular Member

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    I am happily married (most of the time) to my first love (a straight man). I just came out to him that I’m bisexual. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this aspect of my sexuality. He wasn’t really shocked. I feel relieved and excited to be finally accepting this part of me. But I’m also feeling like maybe I’ve missed out. I did kiss my best friend when I was in high school and it was fantastic. Would’ve loved to do more but we both had boyfriends at the time. That’s as far as my experiences took me with women. My husband is supportive and actually suggested that if I need some new experiences, he is fine with that. But I just can’t help but be concerned that all of this will change our relationship.
     
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  2. bsg75apollo

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    I don't think that is anyway around the fact that it would change the dynamics of your relationship. How could it not? The real question or concern is about the unknown way it will change your relationship for better or worse. Perhaps a couple of sessions with a counselor would facilitate you both getting a chance to express your real feelings. Hopefully he is sincere in his openess.
     
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  3. Love2sleep

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    Firstly, It’s a big thing accepting who you are so well done! As for the relationship dynamics with your husband. It may well change things if you decide to explore experiences with women. It doesn’t have to be negative changes as long as you are both on the same page.
     
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  4. BiGemini87

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    Hello, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Your experiences are similar to mine; I came out later in life as well (nearly three years ago, turning 35) and like you, I went through something akin to the stages of grief. There was much sadness that I'd missed out on some important experiences in my youth, frustration at myself for not acknowledging it sooner, fear that even when my husband agreed to let me explore, it would inevitably hurt our relationship or cause complications if I were to catch feelings, etc.

    I think the most important thing you can do is keep the lines of communication between you and your husband open and honest. Don't be afraid to talk to him about how you feel, all your doubts, uncertainties, fears, or whatever else you might be feeling since coming out. And of course, encourage him to do the same; this is a partnership, after all, and it's important that he doesn't silence himself on the matter, lest it causes miscommunication or resentment in the long run.

    You might also find that the desire to explore your same-sex attraction fades with time, or you might find it gets stronger. It might come and go in stages, ebbing and flowing like the tide. But as long as you work through it together, whatever changes occur should be positive.
     
  5. Jakebusman

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    Im Bisexual too and Im not saying im not happy married to my wife but feel I have got to miss out on dating guys and having my 1st boyfriend