Has Anyone Else Felt This Way?

I spend some time being frustrated that I hadn't come out earlier when I first came out. What I realised though is that at the time it was what felt right and it is easy to say some years later that you wish you had taken a different option. When we look back at these scenarios we also look at them with the assumption (or certainly I did) that they would have all been positive. For me I actually think that my mind and my brain weren't ready and so even though it appeared that nothing much had changed between then and when I came out, actually perhaps myself or my mind had.

 

Hell yeah- I’ve felt like a coward! I came out to my husband and then felt like I was doing something wrong and took it back!!! I kick myself thinking- all these brave people coming out and Im so worried about “what will everyone say, I’ll lose family and friendships”. Now I’m simply feeling angry, trapped and think it’s just too late. I know it’s different for everyone but honestly I don’t think we should beat ourselves up when our path is different than others. Our circumstances are unique- we are all unique. So we should not look back but move on, hope that thought helps.

 

I totally agree you have to give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself you are doing your best in difficult circumstances. You can’t compare things you have not managed to do yet to things you see other people complete. As you say their journey is different and you also do not know how many times they have already tried to and not got there. I think almost everyone has those thoughts about losing friends and family over coming out. Often it doesn’t happen but there are never any guarantees and you can never be certain until it’s all out there and it’s hard to go back. Take it easy.

 

I totally understand your feelings on this but also want to amplify for you (and I guess myself) what everyone else is saying to not be hard on yourself. I knew I was different when I was just a boy and ran from it as far and as long as I could. So many reasons why. I'm trying to come to terms with that now and it's easy to be hard on the self. But I'm trying to remember that small scared boy and understand he can't be judged for being afraid. So maybe picture that child inside yourself and be understanding and gentle, rather than angry at him. I know I'm trying to do that and it is helping a little bit every day. Thank you for sharing.

 

Oh that's great to hear. Super powerful imagery.