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Has anyone else ever been in self-denial about who they were before they came out?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anonmember, May 30, 2018.

  1. Biguy45

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    Yeah. A day at the beach for me is kind of like sensory overload. Luckily I have some self control
     
  2. Totesgaybrah

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    Failure to deny yourself isn’t a bad thing.

    I’ve always thought that people who can be in denial for so long should take up acting.
     
  3. Biguy45

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    Well I am married so I don’t indulge but I do look and fantasize only cheated once, not proud of it. When I realized I was bi I kind of lost control and had to have some experience, if you know what I mean
     
  4. Totesgaybrah

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    Now I suddenly wish I was at the beach. If it wasn’t so far I’d go.
    Last time I was there I was walking back to the car and the most ripped guy I’ve ever seen in person ran by me in the opposite direction. I didn’t even bother to pretend I wasn’t staring, pretty sure my mouth dropped open too. Lol
     
  5. Totesgaybrah

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    Ahh yes being married would definitely complicate things.
    I can understand.
     
  6. Biguy45

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    Yeah I saw a guy this morning while I was getting coffee that made me do a double take
     
  7. BMC77

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    I think it might almost be easier asking what who on EC has never been in denial about sexual orientation...

    In any case, denial is pretty common.

    I certainly had plenty of denial. Going all the way back to when I was a teenager.

    The worst denial, though, was probably in my 30s. I certainly should have recognized and admitted to myself that at the very least I wasn't straight. I had no realistic explanations for avoiding this admission. At least, when I was a young teenager, there was a definite factor that I may not have understood enough about sexuality to know I wasn't straight. But that was no longer an issue by 30.
     
  8. Caraldo

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    Lost connection. Anyway, even before I developed sexual feelings, certain boys really attracted me. I would have fantasies about them being my brother....I realized even then this was odd...when 13 hit I realized the what was going on, but I fought it, rationalized, and denied it for as long as I could internally.
     
  9. Fyrefox

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    I think that many of us try to meet the perceptions and expectations of others, living the lie and only making ourselves miserable in the process. Thinking that you can change and have to change can sidetrack us from self-acceptance and the peace that this brings.
     
  10. Jakebusman

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    I am in denial everyday
     
  11. regkmc

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    Ya know, where I struggle is I have about 0 desire to make out with a guy. I love making out with women. I have desires to please, touch and be pleased by men. But don’t want to kiss or be kissed. Perhaps that’s an emotional wall I have built up. Who knows.
     
  12. Biguy45

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    Could be. It’s one of the things I fantasize about, oddly enough
     
  13. CharlieS

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    I've been in denial about my sexuality twice in my life. The first time was when I first started noticing my attraction to women in middle school. I tried to tell myself they were just really pretty, but I liked men and I'd never want to date a girl. A friend of mine came out as bi, and I realized it was a normal thing so I labeled myself that way for a good long time.

    The second time was realizing I'm not really attracted to or interested in dating men. That was harder to accept, because I had more men interested in me than women or other nonbinary people and I worried if I "gave up" men I was giving up the chance to be in a relationship.

    I'm still kind of figuring things out, but I'm happy I was able to accept that about myself, even if it was hard.
     
  14. Andrew99

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    Yes I first noticed my attraction to men at age 11. I didn't really think anything of it until I was about 12 maybe 13. I later on accepted it around the time I was 14 years old. However even after I came out I went through a few periods of denial.
     
  15. jenne

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    Of course!! When I thought I might like girls (because I sure didn't like guys and I was trying to find the reason ) I was saying "nah it can't be true it didn't even crossed my mind ever how can I like girls it's not normal " but when I started being open about this I realized I like women too much
     
  16. BradThePug

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    I know that I was in denial for a long time about being transgender. I tried to just live as a bisexual woman and that did not work. At one point I was even convinced that I was just ovethinking and making myself have those feelings. I worked through all of that with my therapist though and I'm now living as myself. Life is an adventure, and sometimes we just have to roll with the punches.
     
  17. Shadows123

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    I use to have to play "mental gymnastics" by having to convince myself I was straight. I also tried to "pray the gay" away. And since I was about 14-15 at the time, my hormones were starting to rage. I would be going between thinking about how cute a guy was and begging God for forgiveness. I ended up going through a depressive episode and decided I needed to be honest about who I was with myself. That was about five years ago and I have made some pretty good progress. I'm not out to everyone but everyone whom I feel relatively safe knowing knows.
     
  18. BiBarefeet

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    Me too...sometimes I deny that I even exist, while on other days I deny that other people exist!
     
  19. Kyrielles

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    I was in denial with myself in sense until I was around 14 or 15, denial with myself to please everyone else until I was 21. I recall being 18 and actually on the verge of coming out to some old friends. We were at a party and I had been intently talking to a girl online for years, talking to her and gaining confidence I had it all planned out to tell everyone. But of course. Things did not go as planned at all. In fact things went very out of direction. I noticed early on in the day that my best friend who was a guy seemed down more than usual, after some drinks I was chatting with other close friends who were female about my concern, when one says, "you love him don't you?" "Well yeah", my immediate response because I mean I did love him. But it was taken entirely wrong. My love for him was more of on a friend level, like he could've been my brother, but they didn't comprehend this. Intoxicated they immediately got excited obviously in their drunk minds thinking I finally had a straight crush. I explained to them this isn't how I meant it, but clearly they weren't listening. This led me to permanently feeling awkward around my best friend and pretending to be straight for another 3 years just because it seemed to bring joy to certain friends. Needless to say I'm not friends with any of those people anymore aside from my guy friend I mentioned, and not very long after I came out he came out as well. But I already knew :slight_smile:
     
  20. Askiah

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    I think it was more of a natural thing that I noticed. I would think about girls in a way that I felt other girls didn't. But I truly never thought about it. The times I did think about it was when the lesbian porn preference came about, as well as a high school and college crushes. From then on, it became "confusion" for me because I had/have never been in a relationship with a woman, so I was never really sure if these feelings were sure.