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Has anyone else ever been in self-denial about who they were before they came out?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anonmember, May 30, 2018.

  1. anonmember

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    I remember about like 3 or 4 years ago, I specifically remember saying to my gay therapist (BTW, I've been with this therapist for over 6 years and I still see him) "Sometimes I think about having sex with guys but I'm not gay, is this normal?" And he said "Well, maybe you're just curious about what it's like, or maybe you're bisexual.", and in my mind I thought "No way! This can't be! This has to just be a phase! I know I'm straight!", but as the years went by, the feelings still haven't disappeared, so now I've came to the conclusion that I am indeed bisexual. Has anyone else ever had a similar experience?
     
    #1 anonmember, May 30, 2018
    Last edited: May 30, 2018
  2. anonmember

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    This was way back before I learned to not care as much about what others' opinions of me were. Now I care much less about others' opinions of me than I used to. I used to care a ton about what others' thought of me. And just over the past several months, I have came out to several people, like my immediate family, my grandparents on my mom's side, my grandma on my dad's side, my gay brother, my therapists and some of my mom's close friends. and I just this month came out to a few of my high school friends (you would know this if you saw some of my recent posts), all of who are super supportive (my parents used to NOT be so affirming of me being bisexual and would get mad at me whenever I brought it up, but as time went on and they have realized I've developed thicker skin, they have learned to become super supportive). I still haven't came out to my conservative and religious aunts, uncles, and cousins (who totally believe homosexuality is a sin, but they still love my gay brother for who he is because he's nice and kind, they are those people who have the "love the sinner, hate the sin" attitude). And surprisingly, out of all of the people I've came out to, I have NOT heard one "I knew it!", or "I thought so!", or "I'm not surprised.". Even my parents, my grandparents, and my gay brother were kind of surprised when I mentioned to them I was bisexual, and mothers often seem to have a good idea that their kid is gay through intuition. So I guess I don't give off that "gay vibe" that a lot of gay and bisexual people give off. I am a Christian myself, but I am one of those more "liberal minded" Christians who does NOT believe homosexuality is a sin, and I don't even believe hell is a real place. I used to be more conservative and I used to believe hell was a real place, but beliefs change as people get older. Forgive me for repeating stuff I've said in previous posts, the reason I do this is because not everyone who sees posts looks through the individual's account to see all of their previous posts. So I want to capture all of the main details for new readers.
     
    #2 anonmember, May 30, 2018
    Last edited: May 30, 2018
  3. SemiCharmedLife

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    I think probably a majority of people have been at one point, some longer than others.
     
  4. Biguy45

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    Of course I was in denial for about 30 years
     
  5. kibou97

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    It's actually incredibly common to be in denial like this for a lot of people. Speaking from personal experience, I was in denial and suppressed it for about 3 years before I accepted it.
     
  6. Totesgaybrah

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    I knew I wasn’t straight since I was 12, but I didn’t really accept my sexuality until I was 25. That’s a long time of being in denial. I’m 28 now and even though I’ve come out to my friends and family it’s still a process. Undoing all the self suppression and figuring out who I really am has been a long and sometimes difficult process.

    I always wanted someone to be like “I knew it!” When I came out but literally everyone was shocked. Even though I had never dated and hardly ever even mentioned the opposite sex. I just don’t give off a “gay vibe” unless I try.
     
  7. Biguy45

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    I
    could probably be caught making out with a guy and some people still wouldn’t believe it
     
  8. Jakebusman

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    Been in denial for a long time still not out
     
  9. Lexa

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    Of course, I spent 17 years in a "bisexual phase"... Didn't think of myself as straight since I discovered bisexuality existed, first there was doubt and then the bisexual phase (although sometimes I said I was heterosexual but bicurious but I never thought of myself as just straight), that makes about 20 years partly in denial. I was 34 when I realized that this phase probably wasn't a phase and that I am indeed bisexual and about 35 when I began to come out.
     
    #9 Lexa, May 30, 2018
    Last edited: May 30, 2018
  10. kkou

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    When I lived in an accepting community, I denied my sexuality, but as soon as I moved somewhere unaccepting, it became clear as day and impossible to avoid. It's true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone! It can be rough sometimes, but changing communities has helped me understand myself better. Even if people won't accept me here, I accept myself now. Had I stayed in my comfort zone back home, I don't think I would have, at least not for a long time. I think the fact that I can accept myself for who I am is what's most important for now.

    I think most people go through similar circumstances. Many people go through self-denial at some point in their lives, but it lasts longer for some than it does for others.
     
  11. AJ56

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    Oh yes, absolutely! It's pretty common actually. I knew I was attracted to men for awhile, but I had always put it in the back of my mind like it meant nothing.
     
  12. Biguy45

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    It’s seems that way for most of us I think
     
  13. Jakebusman

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    Were all in denial sometimes
     
  14. Totesgaybrah

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    When I was 21 my brother saw the title of a gay porn that I had downloaded on my computer. I just said it was straight but the title had the word gay in it. Like lol how would anyone believe that? He and one of my friends in the room at the time just believed me.
    I’ve even brought that moment up to both of them after coming out and they both had no clue.

    So you’re probably right.
     
  15. Biguy45

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    Great. Now I have the sudden urge to make out with a guy
     
  16. Jakebusman

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  17. Totesgaybrah

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    Same here.
    Literally everyday.
     
  18. Biguy45

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    Yeah I often do as well, but I get the urges for women as well
     
  19. Caraldo

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    Looking back, denial is about the only thing I was ever good at, and now I have failed at that too. Even before I develo
     
  20. Totesgaybrah

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    Yea I’m pretty gay, most women do nothing for me. Only a couple exceptions throughout my life.