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Has anyone else became less accepting of their sexuality over time?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Joe2001, May 12, 2020.

  1. Joe2001

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    Going back onto the topic of the thread, the last 3 years have been the hardest of my life and the experience of coming to terms with my sexuality has absolutely wrecked my mental health (which is evident by some of my posts here).

    I think that the lockdown has given me time to self-reflect and my conclusion is that deep down, I don't feel at all proud of being gay. Aside from the fact that I'm disadvantaged in the dating world (so few options), I don't want to face rejection or discrimination by society, I feel ashamed of being gay and uncomfortable ever admitting it which is why I've not came out to anyone in years. I have a fear of people finding it out, particularly parents. People already view me as weird (including much of my own family) and this will just make it worse.

    I know that there is nothing wrong with it but I've built up this feeling of shame in my head. Do you think that not telling anyone is what has made things get worse? Ignoring the issues I mentioned at uni, how can I just accept myself? I need to do that before finding my tribe so to speak.
     
    #21 Joe2001, May 15, 2020
    Last edited: May 15, 2020
  2. Destin

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    Yes. Keeping things to yourself always makes them seem worse than they are, because the fact that you're hiding it further justifies the need for it be hidden in your own mind exponentially.

    It tends to not work that way. Having other people around who accept you makes it a lot easier to accept yourself, because you can look around and see that if the people around you don't care there's no reason for you to care either.
     
  3. Chip

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    You've met plenty of them. You just didn't know they were gay. There are plenty of folks out there who aren't closeted, and aren't rainbow flag carrying, militant, obnoxious, in-your-face types, but just regular people. You might not know they were gay at all unless you happened to see them with their boyfriends or girlfriends.

    And therein lies the problem.

    The most 'normal' ones are often invisible. Which makes it difficult for them to make friends, and difficult for others who want to find them to make friends.

    This is one of the reasons I often suggest things like the Meetup hiking or game, movie, or potluck night type events. The more invisible people are more inclined to show up there than they are to a gay bar or club or to Pride, for exactly the reasons you describe.

    It's a conundrum.
     
  4. Archer22

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    Lol. I understand how you feel but I really don't think you can be less accepting, I mean, it doesn't help either.
     
  5. Joe2001

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    I wonder if coming out would do me some favours then. I just worry about how people would take it.

    You are right, my point was more that it may be a while before I can actually socialise again due to the current situation and I can't spend the rest of that time being unhappy with things.
     
  6. mellissa

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    For me it has been more of a roller-coaster. At age 12, I was in full denial and tried to forget about it.
    When I was 14, I told myself that I was bi and felt comfortable with that because it meant although I like women, maybe someday, the right guy will come along.
    Then at 16, I understood that I felt nothing for men and that I couldn't deny it anymore. At this point, I was very scared and had self hatred.
    At 17, I finally accept that I'm a lesbian and was okay with myself.
    Then, just before my 18th birthday, my christian friends made it clear that homosexuality was unacceptable to them and this made me feel terrible. I'm a devout Christian so when I finally remembered that the bible condemns LGBT+ people, I felt sooooo ashamed. I went deep into the closet.For 2 years I'v had a deep depression over this, because I tried to pray the gay away and failed. Then I joined this website in March and I'm feeling better. Hopefully, things will stay this way. Sorry for the super long post.
    I hope this is helpful.