General News Great article: 'I'm sad that I didn't have sex until I was 37'

Hmmm, interesting article but I really can't understand what exactly was his regret. He seems to be confusing human connection with sex. I'm sure he could have slept with a prostitute if he was so intent on losing his virginity. It would be better to say ¨I regret not having a meaninful relationship until I was 37.¨

 

I thought it would be about a gay dude, but didn't matter, other than for some people, being gay loads another layer of shame onto the situation. Definitely could have written some of the lines in that.

 

Interesting piece.

I can definitely identify with one thing he brought up:

I look back on my youth with a sense of regret. It's almost as though I am grieving for something that didn't take place. I feel there's a stack of fond memories that aren't available to me, or a set of experiences that I didn't have.
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I have had those sorts of regrets, too. Although, of course, I recognize that had I dated or had sex when I was young, I'd have faced real problems. I'd have either ended up doing the expected thing, and dating females, which could have resulted in a straight marriage that would be falling apart right now. Or I'd have dated males, and suffered society condemnation. In other words, no matter what choice I made, that choice was horribly flawed.

 

I think he has regretted missing out on life because of his shyness and social awkwardness. However, if he had started sex earlier then his life would be totally different and maybe he would not have found the love of his life. All of his painful past experiences has lead him to three years of happiness with a woman he loved. It's worth it if you ask me.

 

It certainly sounded like he's got depression issues of some sort.

I wouldn't be surprised.

 

As I've stated many times, I have never had a single date, let alone a relationship. I didn't even have any informal dates just for the purposes of attending a social event (e.g., prom--but then I didn't attend such events, anyway). I've mentioned this to mental health professionals, and it's pretty clear they consider it...at least unusual. My current therapist was obviously very surprised.

Then, last fall, I had to go through a psychological screening to verify that I have depression (needed because of a program I'm on). But the screening covered a large area, and one question was about relationships. I indicated no relationships. Immediate follow up question: did I want a relationship? Or something like that? I can't remember exactly what I said, but part of what I said was pointing out what seems to me to be incredibly obvious: I currently have zero marketable value for good relationships. Or something like that. I later got a copy of the report, and it was interesting to note that the psychologist made special note of what I said about relationships.

I am guessing that if one doesn't have a history of dating, it's somehow seen as abnormal by those in the mental health world.

 

Brainwashed - Yeah he certainly seems like he has returned to his pre marriage patterns. I feel like he is dwelling too much on the past instead of living in the present. However, he may still be grieving.

BMC77 - That's a good point. Everyone is different.

 

I've never had a relationship. I wish I had one though. I'm not sure how to go about getting into one.

 

I am currently going through what this guy had to suffer from except I fear it will never end. I have suffered clinical depression since I was 17 and living with it for nearly 12 years now has ruined me in so many ways. I still see people around me, both family and strangers, getting married and having kids while I can't even get a date either by asking a girl out for coffee or through online dating. I have Aspergers syndrome and in the culture I live in (Bible Belt), I am sometimes thought of to be gay or a pedophile for being alone most of the time.