Sorry that this is long and ranting... Lightly, the two things I want most for Christmas (which aren't really things) are to find a girlfriend and to know that my Grandparents love and accept me even though I am gay. My grandparents live right next door (oh so convenient), seem to love my brother and I very much (we are their only grandchildren), 75ish, and are very Catholic. During Thanksgiving dinner at their house, I kept on thinking destructive thoughts like "How will they react when they find out?" "What if I am disowned and this is my last Thanksgiving with my family?". Consequently, I started to get a migraine headache and ate a bit too much of my grandmother's delicious cooking, thinking it was my last year to eat it. After dessert, I spent the rest of the evening naseous in the restroom. These negative thoughts seem to follow me and I even had a bad dream about them refusing to come to my future wedding. I am worried that I will feel physically ill on Christmas because of these same thoughts. I am going back to therapy (after a year of helping myself thru the entire questioning phase/ most of coming out) because of related emotions and the realization that seeking help doesn't pathologize my orientation. The fact that I am awake and posting this at 3 am is reason enough that I need help. When I initially came out to my parents, they almost immediately told me to not tell my grandparents since they would not understand or approve. Now they are saying that they will be shocked but still love me. I know that I will tell my grandmother face-to-face by probably mentioning gay rights issues (crafted into my sudden interest in politics and ability to vote next year) or my weirdness about being picked up late on Fridays for Gay-Straight Alliance Meetings. I will emphasize that girls just make me feel ways that guys don't, that I haven't had a serious relationship with anybody, that I just want love, and that I am not in "a phase". With Christmas fast approaching, I am not sure if I should come out to them before the holiday and risk a bad reaction that ruins Christmas or wait until after the holidays and risk repeating Thanksgiving. Any advice would be appreciated.
If you are going to tell them before Christmas, I would do it very soon, to give them a little time to adjust. If it gets to be past the 20th, I would wait. If you can do it in the next week, they'll have time to come around a little before the holiday, and realize that they want to reconcile for Christmas, at least enough to spend the holiday with you even if they don't approve of you being gay. Unless the circumstances are such that it's the only time you are going to see them in person, and you really want to do it in person, I think coming out on a holiday (to someone who might not accept you) is a mistake. There can be way too much drama over the holidays anyway, and far too much going on generally. But I think telling them this week, as soon as you can bear it, is probably your best shot a merry Christmas. You don't want to have it hanging over you. I think that sometimes, our straight families don't understand how painful it is to go on wondering whether people will still love us if they know who we really are. That's what I love about these videos of a soldier coming out to his parents; he's very focused on asking them the question that really matters: [YOUTUBE]DVAgz6iyK6A[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]c4CKF97DAi8[/YOUTUBE] Alternatively, you could come out to them in January, as part of a fresh start in the new year. But if you can bear it, you might want to do it now, so that you can hopefully go into Christmas knowing your family loves you. (*hug*) Good Luck!
I think if you are going to tell them before Christmas, you should do it today or this week, maybe for christmas they won't be shocked or something. But I don't think telling them during christmas is a good idea. Well when I told my mom I was gay, she said not to tell my grandmother because she wouldn't understand it or wouldn't accept it. Anyway, I decided to tell her. I asked her one day: What do you think of homosexual people? After that we talked and everything came just good Good Luck
