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Going back in the closet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dreamsexul, Jan 3, 2020.

  1. Dreamsexul

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    Has anyone here gone back in the closet? Maybe moved to another job, another place, and just decided that the hassle or difficulty of being out wasn't worth it?
     
  2. alwaysforever

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    I haven't gone back in the closet, but I have moved so that other people could keep their secrets and figure things out for themselves. As much as it hurt to let them go, I needed to live authentically and if they didn't want me there, I didn't feel I could lie about why that was so to mutual friends. Even in trying to do the right thing, it still hurt a lot of people, and it hurt me in particular. In hindsight though, I don't regret it and I think in the end it was the right decision.
     
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  3. Fritzcoop

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    Yeah when I married my wife 33 years ago. BTW that's not working out to well for me. Lol.
     
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  4. Ram90

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    I tried coming out at 16 and went back into the closet for 11 years when things didn't work out.
     
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  5. Benway

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    I wish I could go back in the closet. I told people about my sexual orientation and it's been a nonstop pain in the ass for me. I just don't talk about it anymore. I don't come out to anybody new that I meet, so if that constitutes as "going back in the closet" then I guess you could say I have gone back in the closet. I'm not proud of my sexuality. I'm not one of these newfangled queer folk who's born marching in a pride parade. I don't think that having a sexual orientation that's not what most of the population of the planet's is is anything to be proud of. But that might just be me.
     
  6. Dreamsexul

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    Sometimes I wish I could just go back to people not knowing.

    In many ways it was much easier telling people about myself than I thought, but in other ways it was much harder.

    I expected that it would be hardest in real life amongst family and work colleagues and neighbours, but mostly (not entirely) they really don't seem to mind that much, and some are quite supportive. But online, especially amongst LGBT+ spaces, it has been quite gruelling and emotionally tiring - often met with dismissal, invalidation, rejection and sometimes rudeness or worse.

    I think because I wasn't expecting that reaction it got to me more than it should have done, and I think I've become far more wary, defensive, frustrated and hostile myself towards the lgbt+ community and in general. I suspect that for my own wellbeing I might have to take a giant step back from engaging folk on the web - it can be too taxing to someone as sensitive and soft as myself.

    Online, at least, I might go back into the closet.
     
  7. gravechild

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    Its not "the closet" but my parents more or less seem to have "forgotten" and pretend anything happened. They were probably hoping I was "confused" or going through some phase
     
  8. Phoenix92

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    While I’m not “back in the closet” at my new job, I have yet to divulge that I am trans.
    On my resume, I do have small annotations for previous employments stating the name I used at the time, in addition to née “my deadname” as a subheader.
     
  9. DecentOne

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    I’m sorry you are getting hurt on the internet. Many places are not all that humane, with folks who hide behind their keyboards and say things online that they wouldn’t utter face-to-face. I’ve found Empty Closets to be a pretty good space to come out, and I hope this is true for you.

    Remember that what others think and say is not the important part. You be you. Embrace and celebrate you as you come out! I say this from experience. You’ve probably read bits of my story here and there. I’m pretty lucky that I can be out to family, work, etc. without problems — except it put my wife on an emotional roller coaster. I did wonder for a brief moment if I should not have been open with her, but then realized it is so much better to be authentic, even if that has caused pain.
     
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  10. Dreamsexul

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    Thanks, @DecentOne .

    It's hard, and somewhat complex, I'm afraid. I can't really say any more at the moment. I don't really belong anywhere, and I guess that makes sense.
     
  11. Dreamsexul

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    I think I'm going to get pushed back in the closet soon. Online, at least. In RL I'm too far out already ...

    I don't really want to go back in.
     
  12. Rin311

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    Going back in the closet was exactly what I should have done back when I was 15. It would have saved me years of suffering. But back then I was so convinced that I wouldn't be able to hide it anyway, and that I am a deviant who's going to hell... I had this very naive childlish belief that my parents and church would have been able to fix it, while at the time having a very strong notion of my own sexual orientation. The result of me coming out was very destructive. I am out now, and yes, being out is an easier life in many ways - not having to maintain a lie is easier - but the price was just too high.
     
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