Guys, I'm sorry to bring that up once again...but I feel overwhelmed with all those feelings and I felt like I needed to vent. But today I feel like I'm on the brink of collapsing...a total meltdown. I just don't know what else is true or not about myself... I'm totally confused and lost. But I'm still standing, I'll hang in here. My therapist told me last session that I suffer from a form of OCD that creates those neverending questions in my head, the ones that torment me. They wake me up at night, don't let me work and pull me down. It's not the questions themselves, but the fact that it feels like there are two sides of me - one, who wants to do "the right thing", stay married and that believes that I can be happy and fullfilled in a straight marriage. And the other, who feels sooo complete being gay and that longs for another men. The things is: who am I? What is true and what isn't? I mean, when I think of staying married, it makes me anxious and I have this feeling that I won't be happy...but then one side of me point fingers, saying "you only feel this because you're selfish and horny all the time. All you care about is your own satisfaction". And when I think of leaving and finding a man (I found one that I really fell in love with actually), my mind goes "the heart is deceitful above all things", "you really wanna leave your stable marriage, with someone you know so well and that loves you so much, to jump into the unknown, just to f*ck men? You selfish bastard! You naughty fool! Sexual pleasure doesn't stay for long..." So, I'm going crazy. Those thoughts really block me from moving on. So I again feel like just vanishing, disappearing... Sorry, I know it's sound neurotic, but that's how I feel right now!