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Girl in closet

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by alma, Aug 13, 2020.

  1. alma

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    Being in the closet is something that I don't share with anyone close ... the people I know are accepted by their families. I would like to know if anyone here shares my guilt ...
    But being in the closet and also having a partner is complicated !!!!
    I always think that it is better to ignore the situation so as not to harm my family, and it is totally like that, everyone has a lot of burden on me (and they are very homophobic).
    I am the only young person who has not emigrated in my family so I depend on them financially. I must make them proud, and take good care of my grandmother (which to find out would be a disaster).
    Personally, I am a reserved person and I know that what I do in privacy is personal, nobody should care ... the problem is that everyone knows my girlfriend as my friend, this complicates everything.
    My mom and my grandmother are obsessed with my girlfriend, they adore her, and the truth is they treat her as if she were my boyfriend, the typical cliché: every time a light bulb breaks or a tire needs to be changed they call her.
    But my mom always asks her about her lovers, and very uncomfortable things. So much so that it makes me very anxious to talk to her. She has already got us in compromising situations but my mom goes blind ...
    Coming out is not and will not be an option, my plans are to become independent and make my life away from everyone ... (if something changes I will surely let you know lol)
    I want to know how you deal with guilt and how is your situation?
    ps: sorry my english
     
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  2. HM03

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    I wish I had advice for you, but I don't :frowning2:

    I can relate a little bit. For the first 6 months of my relationship with my boyfriend, I wasn't out to my family. I agree with you, its hard being in a relation but not being out to your family. Really tough.

    How does your girlfriend feel about the situation? Is she out to her family? If she is, maybe it would be easier to spend a little more time at her house and a little less time at your house?

    You're not doing anything wrong. You are consenting adults trying to make the most of your situation.
     
  3. alma

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    HII!! :slight_smile: My girlfriend's family knows, she has a very special and close relationship with her aunts, the one who lives nearby is the only one who doesn't know and the truth is that the lady hates me hahahaha, sometimes I feel that if absolutely everyone knew about it in her family she felt very bad and uncomfortable, but just for that case she understands very well.

    And yes, we spend most of the time outside or at their house, and I feel very comfortable and happy there, they treat me well and consent to many things in our relationship.

    I did not give many details in the post, but it is not so much that I have never came out, with my mother I have returned to the closet a thousand times, and one of those times my mother made a mess with the mother of one of my ex girlfriends because she did know, she made many claims for lying to her :frowning2: I don't even tell you how sorry I was for that lady who treated me so well.

    I hope your coming out has been well :slight_smile:
     
  4. Aspen

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    I was with my now-wife for six years before I came out to my family. We were engaged before my mom even knew we were anything more than friends. I had no way of knowing how it would go (my family is Catholic and very homophobic) and my mom once threatened to physically harm me if I was "that way" as a joke. So I waited until I was able to move out of her house and become financially stable on my own before I told her. It went surprisingly well considering the circumstances and she's been very accepted (although her general political views haven't changed so she's barely met my wife).

    It helps, to be in a relationship and closeted with your family, if you can be out elsewhere. It's hard to not be able to share your relationship with the ones you love, but the freedom of being out somewhere keeps the closet from becoming a suffocating place to be.
     
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  5. silverhalo

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    Hey I'm sorry you are in that position. Is it possible for you to work towards becoming financially independent?
     
  6. HedaGR

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    Hi @alma it's totally respectable that you don't wish to come out to your family even though i think everyone should do it (including myself - i'm still in the closet). I would like to highlight though something you said, that you should make your family proud. It's ok to keep your relationship a secret, since your parter is ok with it, but you should abandon the idea that being with the person you love is something that defines you as an individual and indicates whether your family should be proud of or not. It looks you're feeling guilty about your relationship and this is the most important issue that i believe you should reconsider.

    You can try and tell your girlfriend not to come over that frequently, since these questions make both of you feel uncomfortable. I suggest you make a plan and focus on a target. If your target is to be financially independent and live your own life, focus on how you can achieve that. One step at a time