girl friend just ended it out of the blue.

Probably the most telling part of your post. Maybe this is true and maybe it isn't - but one important thing to keep in mind is that rejection of any kind in relationships (not wanting to date, or not wanting to date anymore) does not necessarily mean - in fact very seldom means, in cases I've known - that they are rejecting you as a person.

You mention that there's some trouble with her family - that could be part of it. As painful as it is to think, it could be that she just feels differently about the relationship, possibly because of other things happening in her life (big changes coming up, and so forth).

The first time definitely, definitely sucks. But you're not alone - many people have been where you are right now. Keep posting, but keep reminding yourself that this does not mean you are the problem - not by a long shot!

 

I did that once with one of my past relationships. In retrospect, it was an internal conflict I was dealing with. I was so focused on him that when I was alone I could not function properly. Realizing this, I sought to figure out why this was the case. Turns out I just need to focus on myself much more; turn the attention elsewhere, as it were.

I'm not sure if your girlfriend ended it for the same or similar reason, but maybe it's something she's dealing with, like a need that hasn't been met and can only be met when she figured it out.

 

Rejection by others is one of the most painful human experiences there is.

It’s easy to start trying to come up with reasons why someone rejected you – almost like attempting to prove that they were right for doing so. Before you know if, you’re seeing yourself as flawed, broken, not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not outgoing enough, not caring enough, and on and on.

I think it’s important to catch yourself anytime you start trying to rationalize why someone might have been right for rejecting you.

As Chip said, more often than not, sudden “out of the blue” break-ups like this have more to do with emotional issues the other person is dealing with – not about something you did wrong. Without reading her mind, you’ll never know what the exact reason is – and there is no point in speculating endlessly.

Rejection doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The fact that you got rejected shows me that you had the courage to get out there and build a connection with someone – many people struggle to do even that much. At least you’re in the arena as opposed to being a bystander. Rejection is inevitable – but you learn and grow as a person each and every time.

 

I just wanna say, I hear you. it sucks, and I hope you feel better soon.

* pours moonshine and gets stupid drunk*