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Getting tired of this No asians No black etc.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ShaiHulud, Jan 1, 2016.

  1. lonewolf79

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    Trash indeed. I fully agree. I am glad to see so many people out there who don't use them. Hope has been restored.

    Happy 2016 :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jan 2016 at 12:15 PM ----------

    Haha... brilliant! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  2. ShaiHulud

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    The fact that they are looking for sex does not mean they should be rude disrespectful and racists.
    And i do not know about you guys, but i do not feel to exclude a whole ethnic/race group, most of the time i dated white caucasian dudes, but who knows maybe i find an asian or black guy who are very attractive.
    And what if you just came out (with all those feelings of self-hatred post-outing) and download one of those apps and you see that a lot of people do not want people of your race, it will be a second reason to hate yourself.
     
  3. Euler

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    If someone is not interested in your race for whatever reason (being it preference or racism), isn't it better to state it out before you even contact that person? It saves time and you don't have to feel personally rejected.

    Would the alternative be better? That they talked to you for a moment and when they realized you don't fit their preference they would just give you a BS excuse or stopped talking to you?
     
  4. ShaiHulud

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    If you have apps most of the time people has pictures so i dont understand why would you say NO BLACKS etc. if one of the people that belong to that community is texting you and you (for whatever reason) you dont like him then do not answer or politely say no.
    but for me writing those things is not about racial preference(although i do not understand why someone should have racial preferences but anyway) but more of a social issue, minorities have to deal with racism everyday and with homophobia too and when you try to date/hook up someone on the internet you read something like that... i think it is pretty depressing, and i am caucasian.
     
  5. Euler

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    I don't use any apps and have never encountered this issue but I would imagine that they might feel it's too much trouble to write back to say no if they can prevent the person contacting them in the first place.

    I'm sorry that the world is not the way you would it like to be.
     
    #25 Euler, Jan 2, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2016
  6. SiennaFire

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    Personally I'm not the type who would express this sort of sentiment or use a dating app for that matter. Having said that, I'm having a hard time understanding why people want to mandate this point of view (no "No ...") on others. I feel that people have the right to have and express their preferences for certain types of guys, so I don't see the problem here, unless it's around the overtones of the "No ... " language.
     
    #26 SiennaFire, Jan 2, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2016
  7. GayPugs

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    In my mind, gays are discriminated against far too much. Thus, they should not discriminate against other gays. I'm super attracted to femmes and asians and blacks! When I was little, I had this dream girlfriend. She had super long hair and she was black. She was sooo pretty and I loved her! Basically, discrimination is stupid. I would never do it. I agree with guitar.
     
  8. asdf1988

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    I hate all these apps anyways
    As for the discriminations there is a line between discrimination and personal taste..
    I mean its ok for someone to not feel sexual appeal for an asian or a black.we are all different looking for different things. I respect that. I cannot respect the rude attitudes and the diva behaviors. None is better or uglier. And noone has the right to judge just because someone is asian. We are human being and not just flesh for sex and nothing... so the best you can do is to reject people who have this attitude.
     
  9. SiennaFire

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    While I agree that we as gays are discriminated against, where does one draw the line between preference and discrimination? To demonstrate the fallacy of this logic, I could make a case that you are participating in gender discrimination because you identify as lesbian. The reality is that we all have preferences for what we need and find attractive in a partner. I agree that people who post "No ..." could be more sensitive in their expression of their preferences and that I personally prefer people who keep an open mind.

    Thanks asdf1988. This makes sense. If the thought process here is more about the rude attitudes, then I get it.
     
  10. Kinky

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    I'm Asian. I admit it was pretty depressing to look at the No Asians stuff. Whatsmore, I am a small timid thin Asian with a small penis. So I understand it can be upsetting. But, eventually I stopped caring about that. There no point in trying to get people to like me. I can't careless about the things I can't change about myself! Such as height, race, penis size...I just hoped to fall for the right person who didn't care for such things, which I did.
     
  11. Gay1234

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    I totally agree to as it is not all about the body or the race etc, it is about the person who is inside that body. It is all about the features that make that person the person they are. Looking at a guy and saying I don't like him because of his looks is just like judging a book by it'd cover. This is my point why I totally agree.

    Thank You,
    Gay1234
     
  12. Jared

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    There is a part of me that likes when people put this shit in their profile since it makes it much easier to weed out the assholes. I've dated a few Asian guys in LA and gay guys here tend to assume that if you're white and dating an Asian you have an Asian fetish, because why else would you date an Asian guy? Oh I don't know, maybe because he is a wonderful person and makes me laugh and nerds out with me. Nope that can't be it all. Heaven forbid I just want to date a nice guy and not care if he had a different skin color than me. Things like this are why I like cats more than people, they hate us all equally
     
  13. Atreyo

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    I don't really understand them myself, but they are normal. I don't know why Asians are an ethnic group that I prefer to date; but just like the old 90's Apple Jacks commercials, I just do.
     
  14. colt

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    I've had many talks with my boyfriend about this. The social "dating" life of a gay male is really quite desperate. I'm originally from Utah, and everyone there acts like they are gods gift to earth. The have a long list of "won'ts" and then expect everybody to fit into their cookie cutter "White, toned, good-looking, model type".

    It's always so stupid! And it's gotten so bad that I know many people who have lied about who they are just to hang out with someone.

    I like to think I'm an open person. I've never discriminated against a date. I know that skin color cannot be changed, and age is just a number. My boyfriend and I have a 30 year gap between us, but I don't care. It's just a number. I love him for being himself.

    Basically, it comes with the territory. It's awful, and I pretty much blow up on people who make that kind of discrimination. But at least they are wearing their dirt on their sleeves. Imagine if they hadn't told you, and you only found out later in a relationship
     
  15. Steve FS

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    I believe the issue is that it creates a negative collective opinion regarding Asians and Blacks. Seeing "no asians. no blacks." or whatever normalizes that exclusion. It's similar to when some parents teach their children to stay within their ethnicity, and so they grow up feeling like that's all they want.

    People who are of a desired ethnicity (Caucasians, for example) may see that other people who are like them don't find Asians or Blacks attractive, so they won't want to get with them, either. It's pleasing to be socially validated by other attractive people when they think your partner is attractive. Like... deciding to wear designer clothes instead of generic brands, and being complimented on it (not sure if this is a good analogy).

    People will learn to think that white (or whatever desired ethnicity for that region) is the epitome of attractive, and that any other choices are less so.

    It's especially damaging when a person who is of an undesired ethnicity chooses to only strive for a desired ethnicity, as it gives them some sort of social validation and makes them feel accepted.
     
    #35 Steve FS, Jan 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
  16. BlueLion

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    I don't use those apps and websites, so I can talk properly. Anyway, what you're saying sounds very reasonable to me. Instead of discriminating, people who do this can say "No thanks". It's more polite.
     
  17. Euler

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    Not sure what you mean parents teaching their children to stay within their ethnicity. Do you mean marriage or social relations in general? If you mean social relations in general I strongly disagree with the comparison. Apps are mostly used for casual sex and no more serious relationship is expected. All that matters is that both are sexually attracted. If you mean marriage then comparison is better although there is a big difference between your parents telling you something and seeing something is acceptable.

    I don't believe to this at all. If this was the case, then Soviet Union would have been huge success. Their propaganda for making people hard working, tolerant, socialist and etc was pervasive yet it had little impact on people's attitudes. You are right in a sense that if saying out aloud that "no X" is socially acceptable then people are far more likely to say it, yet it has not effect on their underlying feelings. It's the same fallacy as with homosexuality: some moral crusaders claim that the acceptance of gays has turned more people gay and they cite the fact that now so many people are openly gay. The true reason being that now that being gay is socially acceptable people are no longer in the closets.

    I'm one of the weird people who actually don't want to wear branded clothes and does not get any kicks for being complimented wearing such but I do get the point.

    So how would you prefer this matter to be handled? That people didn't post preferences but then didn't reply to you or replied telling you are wrong looking once you approached them? Let's be honest, people will have preferences even if telling them publicly was not acceptable.
     
  18. Steve FS

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    I actually don't know, lol. I think it's just worrying for people who aren't of desired ethnicities, to see that there are people who openly reject them.

    It's not like asking people to not post their preferences is ever going to happen, but it's a subject to think about.

    I can't say this applies for everyone, but I have seen this applied in some cases. For example, my friend only wants to date white people because her family is uncomfortable with any other races (especially Black and Asian people). In my family, dating anyone outside of the Filipino ethnicity is looked down upon.

    My other friend is obsessed with his status, and he believes a white person is the epitome of attractive for not only him, but for other people. It's kind of something to show off for him. Like, "Hey guys! I got a hot white guy. My love life is a success."

    I mean marriage/relationships, as there's less general "pickiness" with social relations. I just used that as an example (a bad one, in my opinion). I was just trying to say that it may possibility contribute to some sort of conditioning.
     
    #38 Steve FS, Jan 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
  19. OnTheHighway

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    As soon as you open an app, might as well throw all morality and rationality out the door. These apps reflect an alternative universe where people can hide behind anonymity and focus on their sexual fantasies; not emotional realities.

    Do try and take them with a grain of salt and not let them get to you.

    if your using the apps to try and find and build true personal relationships, while I do believe you can find others with similar desires and be successful, that is not their primary use (I say 'use' rather than 'purpose' as some dating sites purposes is to do just that).

    It is hard to meet other LGBT in various communities no doubt. But apps should be just one avenue to use. Join LGBT social groups, LGBT philanthropic organizations, LGBT sport leagues and other similar organizations to diversify ways in which to meet people - to the extent such organizations are in your area. To the extent apps are the only source, recognize that your search, while doable, is more complicated.

    I hate seeing all of the inherent bigotry that exists. It is a reflection of others lack of self esteem and confidence. When you see it, try and consider it as such and be above the fray.
     
    #39 OnTheHighway, Jan 6, 2016
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  20. gravechild

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    This is one reason I won't use those types of apps. True, it's not just apps, or the gay dating scene, but society in general. People use anonymity to their advantage, and are more open with ugly views, whereas in person you have the benefit of a doubt.

    Also problematic are the lengths some will go to justify these sorts of views and behaviors, as if it were the same as saying "no murderers," or something. Or how pointing it out is the same as forcing them to date the opposite sex.

    One part of me says, "Good! I know who to avoid!" but I'm not going to pretend it isn't an issue and should be ignored, because that won't make it go away. This isn't some isolated event, and the reason you have ethnic and racial minority-geared dating sites.