Getting started in the community- trans people come find me!

Hello there!

My chosen name is Mikhail, which is Hebrew for "who is God?" or so I'm told. But you can call me Kyle if you want.

I'm 20 years old and I recently bought a binder. When it arrived and I put it on, I cried tears of joy and shock at how good and comfortable I felt for once in my own body. I'm fairly sure I'm trans* FtM but I struggle with self doubt a lot. The idea of being trans - specifically being a man - honestly terrifies and upsets me so deeply, but despite this... I just know it to be true and that's a very very weird conflict to be in.

I'm slowly trying to transition. I'm not making commitments because of how terrifying I'm finding it, but the name is a start, I'm out to quite a few people. There's the binder. Next for me would be a haircut. I go to trans meet ups now. Every step out of closet is super spooky but also... feels so right.

I find it hard to describe myself for introductions because I'm honestly not sure who I am - I've spent all my life being whoever other people wanted me to be in quite an extreme way... not just with regards to my gender and it seems like my personality and sense of identity is really all a bit wibbily wobbely. I guess anyone who connects with me on here can come along for the journey as I try to figure it out!! Hop on board, pal, we're going on an adventure!

Well... if you got this far, you're a real champ! Thank you for reading, it means a lot. I'm going to be about, blogging my progress, looking for support, advice, and just trying to feel a little less lonely/ isolated on this journey of self discovery I find myself on.

It's lovely to meet you all - I hope you're having a great day!