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Getting past the feeling that you've made it all up

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    How do you get past the feeling that you've made it all up?

    And how do I know that I haven't made it all up?

    At the moment, the feeling that I've made it all up is my main doubt/concern.

    I keep going between feeling sure that I have an attraction to women, and the feeling that I'm just being ridiculous.

    Can anyone relate? Why's it not just clear?
     
  2. HikaruStop

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    Look in the mirror and say "This is the real me."
    I still go back and think "Wait. Am I making this up for attention?" I cry a bit when I think it too. It hurts. But you can deal with it.

    Stay strong.
     
  3. caliwoman

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    Not,

    I'm with ya, girl! I'm the same damn way. It doesn't help when my husband says, "I think you just need a close friendship with a woman and the only reason you think you're bi is because you're really kinky, so you get confused."

    Then I had a sex therapist tell me that.

    Am I confused? Is this "fantasy" equivalent to my desire for a gangbang? Nice to think about but never gonna happen? Well, maybe I'll partake in that fantasy when I'm 80
    :slight_smile:

    I get confused too. I think it's just part of the process. So know you are not alone. Sorry I don't have answers...

    ---------- Post added 14th Jul 2016 at 09:09 AM ----------

    Not,

    I'm with ya, girl! I'm the same damn way. It doesn't help when my husband says, "I think you just need a close friendship with a woman and the only reason you think you're bi is because you're really kinky, so you get confused."

    Then I had a sex therapist tell me that.

    Am I confused? Is this "fantasy" equivalent to my desire for a gangbang? Nice to think about but never gonna happen? Well, maybe I'll partake in that fantasy when I'm 80
    :slight_smile:

    I get confused too. I think it's just part of the process. So know you are not alone. Sorry I don't have answers...
     
  4. Justasking100

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    I'm with ya, totally get this. When that happens I have to go over things in my head to remind of how I've got here to this point.
     
  5. DemiNic

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    Yeah I get this a lot too. I especially get it when my depression gets really bad. I guess you just have to trust in yourself, which I know isn't easy, but you just have to. Just don't give up on how you feel. I sometimes think to myself "If I feel this way whether I tell other people or not then it can't be for attention".

    Good luck with everything, my heart is with you! Just remember that you are not alone!

    ~Nic ^_^
     
  6. Justasking100

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    Hey nic. How are you coping with the depression, ok I hope? X
     
  7. DemiNic

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    Thanks for asking :slight_smile: I've been dealing with depression and more recently anxiety for about 18 months now. I'm way too scared to go and see a councillor about any of it. I had some problems with parents today, which made it worse.

    Aah now I feel I'm using someone else's thread to talk about my own problems! Whoops!

    I have a lot more to say, but thats the main of it. Thank you for asking though, it does mean a lot :slight_smile:

    ~Nic ^_^
     
  8. Justasking100

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    Is t related to your sexuality do you think? Why too scared to have some therapy?
     
  9. DemiNic

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    I think my depression is linked to a few different things (bullying in previous years at school, physical abuse by dad a couple of times, having friends dealing with their own problems and it shakes me up when they talk about their own anxiety and stuff and it sets me off) but yeah I think my sexuality probably has a part in it. For example, if I wear makeup and even slightly feminine clothes, I feel very judged by most of my friends (even though only two of them know about any of this) and even though my parents say they will always be supportive I really don't want to tell them anything and when they see me wearing makeup etc I feel really judged by them too.

    I'm too scared to see a therapist because... idk... I just am. I do know that one day I have to. When I've seen my doctor I've been really close to telling him at least about my depression but I always walk away without telling him anything at all.

    I seriously don't know what to do about any of it...

    Thanks for caring,
    ~Nic ^_^
     
  10. Justasking100

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    Start by talking to your doctor I reckon. Sorry for hijacking the thread but these things need talked over. You've nothing to be afraid of. Therapists will have heard a lot worse!!
     
  11. dirtyshirt84

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    Sorry your feeling this way not my name

    I guess it's important to remember your thoughts and feelings are valid, no matter what you are thinking or feeling.

    Trust your gut instinct maybe?
     
  12. Bluesteel

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    notmyname,

    I know the feeling of being pulled back and forth. like I've heard before, sexuality is a fluid thing. so it can be hard to pin down. even though I identify as gay I'm not 100%. so even still today I've had to struggle, I have been in the process of coming out and a few of my family members believe that I am confused, and it caused my to start questioning again. (even though in the back of my head I still know I'm gay). but I have also been where you are too, my whole life my sexuality was never clear to me. my attractions for men came and went. but the only time they "went away" was because I was trying to suppress them. until I got a point in my life where I couldn't ignore them anymore, and I had to face the truth of who I was.

    everyone goes through there own process with this. and chances are you are going to end up with a different conclusion for yourself. lean on this forum for support I know it will help you as much as it has helped me.

    one more thing I'm not sure if this will help but it is something I lean on every time I get confused. someone asked me a while back. "if it was the last day on earth, and you were given a choice of spending your time with the hottest girl, or the hottest guy. which would you choose?" for me its always the guy.
     
  13. Justasking100

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    Bluesteel, I could have written that post its so like me.
     
  14. LostInDaydreams

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    Thanks for all your replies. I wasn't expecting so many. :slight_smile:

    Good advice, thanks. I have read about the mirror thing before, but it's not something that I've ever tried. I will give it a go.

    That's a really confusing thing to be told. I think if it was a kink then you wouldn't feel it so deeply, and wouldn't need the emotional connection. I'm just guessing, but if it was a kick I would have thought that it would purely physical.

    I'm sorry I don't answers too! I wish somebody did have the answers... :slight_smile:

    Thanks, Justasking. I'll do that. Sometimes I doubt my own interpretation of what got me here though, so I just keep going around in circles.

    Thanks, Nic. That's a good point; nobody in real life knows, so it's not for attention.

    Hijack away! :slight_smile: I hope you feel better soon, Nic.

    Thanks, dirtyshirt. I'll try that. I think I know what my gut is telling me, but it's hard in all the confusion.

    Thanks, Bluesteel. Interesting question. Obviously I'd spend the day with my daughter. :slight_smile: I think I'd want to see my partner too; we've been through a lot together, and we're friends. I wouldn't want to have sex with him, though. But to play the game...I'm not really interested in a generic 'hottest girl', but I know a particular woman who'd I'd be happy to spend my time with.
     
  15. TravelerMe

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  16. LostInDaydreams

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  17. A Mindful Wolf

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    One word: Society.
    You've been conditioned by a society that has based all of its principles regarding sexuality on a sexist binary gender system, often employed as a tool to keep women, and to some degree, the LGBT community down.
    In reality there should be no questioning necessary because the idea of "homo" and "hetero" would be regarded as simplistic views on a very limited system, so be free!! Enjoy the questioning! There's no shame if it turns out you did "make it up" (I doubt it though ;p). You label yourself whatever you NEED to feel empowered, and if you don't need/want a label to feel empowered, that's fine too! Don't let our archaic societal views cause you confusion!
     
  18. Godless

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    I had a similar problem until I admitted I like dudes to myself. Then I spent the next few days checking out guys. I'm worried if I went to have sex with a guy I wouldn't be able to perform. Then I remembered I get really excited just by a touch on the shoulder. I think all I was missing was permission to be gay from myself. Once I had that I realized I'm bisexual. Feels great. Now I want to tell everyone but still working on it.
     
  19. LostInDaydreams

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    A Mindful Wolf and Godless, thank you both for your replies. I'll take what you've both said on board. :slight_smile:
     
  20. Devil Dave

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    I never felt like i had made it up. When i was in the closet, I was becoming increasingly bored of pretending to be straight. It did help that I had people in my life who were absolutely fine with homosexuality. I'm not in touch with these people any more, but at the time, it did give me hope that if I came out and my family reacted badly, I would still have friends to turn to who would be supportive of me (and thankfully my family were fine with me being gay and we're all still very close)

    I'm not a therapist or anything, but this feeling that you've made it up could be your mind's way of dealing with the thought of friends and family turning against you if you come out to them. If that is the case, they might not react as badly as you think. I think if you give yourself time and look for sources of encouragement, then eventually your mind will come to the right conclusion.