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Getting over past lovers?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ChristianHipstr, Aug 19, 2014.

  1. ChristianHipstr

    Full Member

    May 13, 2013
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    Lone Star State
    I'm currently dating an amazing guy. It's been around two weeks, and I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with him. Don't want to say that yet though lol, still want to be sure. But regardless, the topic of virginity was brought up the other day. I assumed he was a virgin but when he said he wasn't I was really surprised and for some odd reason kinda hurt. I've never had such strong feelings for someone and I guess it's either I don't like knowing he was with someone else or that I feel like it takes away some of the specialness that would be my first time with him when that happens.

    How exactly do I get over this?
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Feb 25, 2014
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    Gender Pronoun:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If we find out that our bf/gf/partner had a sexual relationship before they met us, it can leave us with some awkward feelings, but there is one thing to remember here - we own the feelings and we must deal with them. The one thing we mustn't do in this situation is punish the other person for their past (and I'm not suggesting you are about to do that, but it does sometimes happen).

    The fact that he has a sexual past is really his business. He is not obliged to tell you about it, but it says something that he has chosen to. He's being honest with you and that should give you a certain degree of confidence in him, don't you think?

    The past is the past and he didn't know you then. He can't go back in time and change it, just as you can't change your past. If his previous sexual relationship was a bad experience for him, I'm sure he would love to be able to step into a time machine and erase it from his life, but he and you have to accept reality.

    You can't be his first, but you can be his best and you should really focus on that when the time comes. If you really connect with each other on a practical and emotional level and understand each others wants, needs and desires you will actually be the best for each other.

    The most important thing is that he is with you now. It will do you no good to dwell on a past that cannot be changed, but it will do you good to focus on building a strong and happy relationship. Look forward, not backwards.
  3. HTBO

    Full Member

    Jun 11, 2014
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    You can try and look at it in a positive way. You like this guy right? This means there are probably many good qualities about him so think of his past as leading up to who he is now. Maybe he wouldn't be so great if he didn't have past experiences and learned from them. Our past is a very big part of who we are now and if you like who he is now, then focus on that and not the actual sex part of it.