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Getting Gayer

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Gayhusband, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. Contented

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    For me once the desire to be with a woman disappeared everything seemed so much more relaxed and frankly it felt right. Shortly after losing the desire I quickly lost the ability to be intimate with her and frankly it was a relief. It was as if that sexual gray area was finally and totally gone and I was able to intellectually accept that I preferred men. I have never looked back and don’t miss being with a woman on any level especially physically.
     
    #21 Contented, Jul 26, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2020
  2. out2019

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    Yes, It's this 10% that I go back into denial even though I have little or no sexual arousal with women
     
  3. don72tx

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    I think that like a lot of you I am finding that my desires for men completely overwhelm any for a woman, even my wife whom i really love, but not sexually. For a long time i thought I was 50/50 in my desires, but slowly they had moved more like 80/20 men to even more at times. That used to scare me a lot and like a lot of men on here have trouble with really admitting i very close to being gay.
     
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  4. Contented

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    It is bridge many of us have a hard time crossing. Admitting to yourself that you prefer men forces us to confront the very essence of who we are and who we thought we were. To admit to yourself that the desire to be with another man emotionally and sexually is greater than your desire for a woman is a huge scary step. You are stepping off from the known into a completely different world. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have doubts, reservations and feel scared of what the future might hold. Just keep moving forward. It is the only direction you can go.
     
  5. maybgayguy

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    One thing that has worked for me a bit is the following thought experiment:

    Situation A: I stay closeted and try to have sex now and again with my wife. However, I am never sexually or romantically involved with another man.

    Situation B: I come out and date exclusively men. This includes sex and romance. However, I never again in my life have sex with any woman.

    I must admit to myself that Situation A sounds dreadful while situation B sounds wonderful. It is not that I am against having sex with a woman it is just that I am 100% ok if I never do. However, the idea of not having sex AND romance with men sounds like a poor, unhappy existence.
     
  6. Snowqueen

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    I am in the same boat, although i am not married, i love my girlfriend, but i don't have any sexual attraction to her anymore, nor do i have a sexual attraction to any female now. Its taken me years to realise that i was born to be with and loved by another man. It is a very big step to put aside any remaining doubts and take the plunge, but i know it will bw so worth it in the end. i still have guilt moments about my girlfriend, but i know that i must make take the step and free her to be with a man who wants and desires her and to free myself to be the real me and find the love of a man that i know in my heart, i need and crave.
     
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  7. Contented

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    For sure these are difficult but necessary steps in our sexual evolution. In my case I simply could not go on pretending with my then GF. At the end it was not physically possible to even fake it. The idea of being trapped in a relationship with a woman I was no longer attracted to reached the breaking point. At the end I knew I never wanted to be with a woman again. I didn’t hate women, wasn’t scarred by one and left bitter or any of that other BS some people assume when you come out. This was no fault of my then GF, she was and I am sure still is a wonderful person. The issue was me and what I had buried for so long and now wanted to expose.
    Being with another man opened up a world of romance, sensuality and sexuality I never experienced with a woman. For the first time in my life it all came together, it all clicked into place and it all seemed so so right. Again I will say it ,fear prevents many of us from embracing what we know we really want, a same sex relationship Exclusively. I know it did me until I finally worked up the courage with the help of a great therapist to acknowledge I was gay and it was ok.
     
    #27 Contented, Jul 27, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
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  8. Snowqueen

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    Guess the struggle is the same for all of us. It's such a relief to know I'm not alone and others are in the same boat so to speak. Did all of you know you were gay from an early age? Looking back there were some pretty clear signs in my childhood. Was bullied at school and called gay, I obviously thought and hoped I wasn't as there was a real social stigma back then. I guess I was 13 when I first thought about a man in a sexual way and plenty of times since then, crushes on guys on tv and some boys I went to school with, most of them the bullies and the school hard men and bad boys. But the wow I'm gay moment, was the Beckham Armani underwear shoot.
     
  9. Adz6

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    I feel the struggle is the same for all of us .
    The difference is how we deal with the struggle
    And there is no right or wrong way in how you accept your homosexuality
     
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  10. Joolz66

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    Great thread, really resonates and has given me some aha! moments..thanks guys.
     
  11. don72tx

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    I understand that not every one can do it, but one of the biggest things to accepting and embracing my homosexuality was working with a therapist. I had some other issues including being sexually abused by an older boy when barely in my teens, but with her help and guidance I was able to finally come out to my wife and to also realize that I was much closer to being gay and not be afraid of that.
     
  12. maybgayguy

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    I agree. Just be sure to get one who is LGBT-affirming. The first one I came out to told me not come out to my wife. I had wrote a long note and everything. The therapist told me I should never mention anything to my wife. She was also labeled as pro-LGBT. I think this is an anomaly so I am not meaning to scare anyone.

    I just made an appointment with a therapist next week. Hoping that goes well!
     
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  13. don72tx

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    i knew mine was LGBT friendly because a lesbian friend highly recommended her. But you do need to check any therapist out for their true views and treatments for bi, gay and trans people. I am sorry Maybegayguy that you first encountered the wrong one. That could set a person back a long ways and potentially cause real damage. Good luck next week! Mine has really made a huge difference for me.
     
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  14. Contented

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    I concur my therapist was not only LGBTQ friendly he had come out a little later in life so he was well versed in the issues I was facing. My therapist helped me put all the pieces together so I could view the whole rather than just segments. That enabled me to start making progress in acknowledging my homosexuality and my eventual coming out. He helped me see others were not the issue nor were there opinions. I was the issue and all the heterosexual brainwashing I willingly bought into until the load of that brainwashing collapsed the tower of lies I had built for myself. I strongly urge seeing a qualified therapist, for me it was the start of my liberation.
     
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  15. Bastion

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  16. KeLeWi

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    My story is very much the same as many of you. I am currently separated from the most wonderful woman in the world. We have been married for 33 years and have three adult children. Although I love this woman dearly, I have not been sexually attracted to her in many years. I came out to her and the kids last year. We stayed together in the same house (different bedrooms) for a full year so that we could work on the loving friendship that we both want to have for the rest of our lives. It also was a time of rebuilding and strengthening my relationship with the kids. My wife has accepted my sexuality with tremendous grace and support. She cannot, however, accept an open marriage, so an amiable divorce is coming soon. As much as we love one another as the best of friends, I want more for her than I am capable of giving. She deserves a man who can commit to her emotionally and sexually 100%. I want her to be happy. She wants me to be happy. Our children are adjusting well to the new reality largely because of the love and respect that their mother and I have for one another.
    My vow to the kids was that I would ensure that their mother will not have to suffer a change in living standards due to our divorce.

    Recently I moved away from the family so that everyone can move forward. I have returned once since the move and the visit was very positive. I feel really blessed that my family still loves me, accepts me, and wants me in their lives. I wish that for everyone who is going through something like this.
     
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