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Genuine feelings?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BudderMC, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. BudderMC

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    Hey folks! Long time no see for those of you who remember my (now) old, irrelevant self on EC :slight_smile:

    In an unexpected turn of events, I think I stumbled upon being in a relationship. I've been dating this guy for about a month now and we decided to give the monogamous relationship thing a shot. We get along really well, have a bunch of similar interests, are sexually compatible, and he's just a generally a great guy. We're still treating it casually since it hasn't been that long and we both have pretty busy schedules, but mostly taking it in stride and doing whatever seems like fun. I guess that's really the best way to date though, huh?

    Anyways, this is the first guy I've really had any sort of relationship with. I definitely like him, but I've also got the worry in the back of my mind that maybe I don't like him as much as I think I do and I really just like all the fun parts of dating, which isn't fair to him obviously. We've talked about this a couple times and he's totally fine with just playing it out and seeing what happens, so I know it'll end up alright in the long run.

    Anyone have insight on navigating this new territory? Much appreciated as always :slight_smile:
     
    #1 BudderMC, Oct 1, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2016
  2. Closeteer

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    Sounds good, honestly :slight_smile:

    Maybe read up the relevant sections from Joe Kort's books? Both his "10 smart things..." books have sections about navigating transitions to relationships and some things were quite eye-opening (in terms of how expectations, dynamics et al. change).

    Also, not to be a wet blanket, but take things lightly and be careful of skyrocketing expectations - as it's only been a month.

    Fingers crossed for you two :slight_smile:
     
  3. BudderMC

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    Thanks, I'll have to give those a read when I find some extra time :slight_smile:

    And definitely. If anything I'm concerned about the opposite - that I haven't felt ridiculously infatuated or anything yet. I do like him and he likes me, but I've also been the one putting the brakes on this thing and taking things slowly (not that he's rushing me either, just giving me time and space to figure out what I want).
     
    #3 BudderMC, Oct 2, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2016
  4. DangerAlex

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    In my experience, if the sparks aren't there fairly early on, it's doubtful that they ever will be. I didn't expect to enter into a long-term relationship with the guy who's currently my boyfriend, but within about a month to six weeks of us dating, I was totally smitten. At that point, we started talking about more long-term plans.

    Having said that, there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship that you're unsure about. It doesn't make you a bad person to be giving the relationship a chance even though you're not sure how long it'll last. There's always that possibility that your feelings would grow later rather than sooner, so it's certainly worth exploring. Plus, every relationship is a learning experience and will help make the next relationship better. If I were you, I wouldn't pump the brakes until things started getting more serious than I wanted. For instance, probably wouldn't be the best idea to start living together, opening joint checking accounts, and filing taxes together.

    Just take it a day at a time and have fun. At only one month in, I'm sure he's not expecting you to wear a ring on your finger. If there comes a point when you're sure there's no future for the two of your together, you should probably go ahead and end it so that you're both not still wasting time on a relationship with a rapidly-approaching expiration date.

    Hopefully this helps some. Good luck.