Life is awful. School is killing me I cannot take it. It is so stressful and it is my junior year in high school so I know it is supposed to be stressful but it is killing me. I am becoming more depressed and my anxiety is killing me. My friends suck as well so I really just hang out with like 6 people. I am not a social person ever because I have social anxiety. It just sucks. And I want to come out to the world but I don't know how. Honestly I dont really care what people think at this point I just want to be out. I think this can relieve some of my stress. I want to tell people I am just worried... I am sick of everything and just want people to know and move on. I am so over it I think I am going to do it I just need to wait for some of my friends to get back from a trip so that I can tell them (one of which I have a crush on but it doesnt matter cause she has a boyfriend) Finally, my feelings suck. They decide to like girls. Then they like straight girls. Actually its more like fall in love with girls. I want to be able to tell a girl I like her and not screw up relationships. Plus I don't want to tell my friends who I like but I cant cause I suck and it would mess up friendships that I would die without Anyways that is my messed up life. I hate myself and just want to be lesbian, happy, and open.
First off, if school is causing a significant amount of stress in your life, you can talk with guidance counselors and teachers about possibly changing your schedule, even if the year's already started. This happens occasionally, and the school would much rather you be in classes where you're comfortable and able to do well than classes where you'll be stressed out and unable to do your work. As far as friends - my first thought would be, don't sweat the math when it comes to friends. Six close friends can be a lot! And even just one or two really good friends can be a bigger impact on your life than even, say, twenty acquaintances. Enjoy the friendships that you have. And as for coming out - if you're ready and comfortable with it, go for it! The more visible you are, the more chance you'll have to meet other LGBT folks/lesbians, too. Part of the difficulty with falling for straight girls might be that you simply don't know many gay girls (though I'm not sure from what you've written). Do you know if there are other LGBT people in your circle of friends? Or others at your school (like, in a GSA or something like that)?
One of my best friends since I was little, just cam out as gay (male). But I do not really know any other lesbians... I love all of my friends so much and appreciate them all the time but only two of them know so I need to come out to the others before coming out to everyone else. And as far as school I need to keep the classes I have because this year is so important and I need all the hard classes unfortunately.
Hey Unknown737, Does your school have a GSA or an LGBT club? If so, that could be a way for you to make contact with more LGBTQ people.
