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Genderfluid possibly

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Liddea, Jul 5, 2021.

  1. Liddea

    Regular Member

    Jul 5, 2021
    Likes Received:
    Gender Pronoun:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi everyone. Not really sure if I'm looming for advice, just felt like I needed to talk about this somewhere, somehow. This will be very long.

    I am almost 37, present as male and always considered myself male. That said, as I look back on my early twenties, when I was exploring my orientation, there was always an urge to feminize myself during those encounters, relate to who I was with as a woman. I also experimented a few times with women's clothing but don't recall how I felt at the the time. I've also been drawn to queer art and media all my life, though that might not have anything to do with anything.
    I decided I was only into women and a cis man and that was that until a month or so ago. I've been reading about and exploring LGBTQ+ issues and stories alot, just because I have a curious mind, and I begun to feel that old urge to feminize at times, by which I mean to carry myself like a woman and try out clothes and makeup, neither of which I've done yet. One night, as I was standing outside by myself, I decided to just "let it come out", started letting my hips move as I walked and letting my arms and hands move around nice and loose. Doing that, there was an intense feeling of release and freedom, I didn't want to stop, then came a deep feeling of terror and panic, not knowing what any of it meant, then I went inside and suddenly burst out crying. I still can't explain any of that coming out just from letting myself walk around girly.
    I know I'm not trans, because I do feel male much of the time, but now I also feel as though there is also a woman inside me too that comes to the surface at times. Ive named that side of me Liddea, hence my screen name, and sometimes I am fully her and sometimes just a guy.
    Right now, only being a few months into it, I'm still seeing if this is real and permanent, living with it for awhile before taking it any further. What does scare me is how I'd tell my wife about it. I kind of broached the subject a while ago then took it right back as I didn't know how to articulate any of it, so I guess I'll just wait and see.
    Thanks for hearing me ramble if anyone made it this far lol. I guess I just needed somewhere to let this all out. Thanks.
  2. Snidi

    Regular Member

    Nov 6, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Good job admitting your feelings! Being honest with yourself is great, nothing wrong with being a bit non conforming. It's tricky to navigate what to do regarding your wife if she isn't privy to LGBTQ issues. Maybe try gaging her feelings on LGBTQ issues before relating it to yourself.
    #2 Snidi, Jul 9, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2021