How much of your overall identity as an individual is tied into your sexuality and gender? While I do think my sexual orientation and gender identity is an important part of who I am as an individual, I try to make it not the focus point. I feel like my interests, skills, talents, hobbies, sense of humor, taste in music, movies, etc. are somewhat more important to who I am than my gender identity and sexual orientation.
Both are a part of who I am, but certainly not the entirety. Both certainly affect my views and outlook on the world. However, I would say that gender is less of an important factor if I am going to define myself. My sexuality has had a bigger impact on me being me, than being a guy has.
I don’t think my identity is tied in to my sexuality and gender but some things are. As a lesbian I prefer to read mostly lesbian fiction which covers both of those. However they have no effect on my choice of movies or music or my interests.
The way I see it, my gender and sexuality are like pillars of my identity. They play an important role in my life and impact many of its aspects, but at the same time, they don't define me. Ideally, I want most people to know I'm non-binary and a few close friends and family to know that I'm bi/pan (not sure which yet), but to be known for my talents, passions, etc, rather than just my gender and sexuality. So far, being non-binary has impacted me much more than being bi/pan, but as I get older and dating becomes more normal for my age group, this may change.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out how to be the man everyone sees me as, and feeling confused about why just being who I’m “supposed” to be is painful and futile. At 38 I’m beginning the process of shedding that manufactured identity and finding out what’s underneath.
I would be lying if I said my sexuality and gender identity isn't a significant part of who I am. It's not the totality of who I am, but it greatly informs my attitudes to life and politics and I just can't detach from any of that. None of this is to suggest that I make my sexuality known to every acquaintance and stranger and nor does it influence how I relate to them on a basic conversational level, but I don't suppress who I am for anyone.
I'd say that my gender identity and sexual orientation make up a significant part of my identity. There are other parts to it of course, but I would fundamentally be a different person without such aspects. In regards to gender, I like presenting as sometimes feminine and sometimes more androgynous. My favourite description is tomboy femme. That's how I feel. I like being called dapper and beautiful. Not butch, but I don't relate to high femininity either. Personally, I have an easier time imagining myself as a straight man than as a straight woman. As a generalisation, how a fair amount straight women around me describe their femininity is not something I can relate to personally. Which, granted, is painting with a broad brush. At present, I would say that I am straight-passing to most straight cis people, but others in the community (and close allies) can usually pick up on the fact that I am not straight right away. It influences the types of shows I watch and the music I listen to because ever since I came out people have kept recommending me LGBT content. One wlw couple in particular has made it their mission to educate me about cult classics in the community. Not that I'm complaining. Even when I don't mean to I usually end up gravitating to content that's popular in the community and / or ends up not being straight three seasons into the show or nine books into a series. My interests, personality and sense of humour plus my connections with others and the world around me define me the most. Yet other factors, such as race, gender, age, socio-economic status and sexuality do play a vital role in my identity. They influence how others treat and see me in the world. I know there's a great pressure to downplay how much of an influence sexuality has because you don't want to be seen as "one of the annoying ones", but to say it hasn't had an influence would be simply incorrect in my case.
"Identity, is the crisis can't you see." As someone who is half in half out of the closet I honestly don't know the answer to this question. I often wonder were I to suddenly die tomorrow what would people say about me at the funeral? At present, there would be arguments amongst friends and relations about my name, my gender and 'what I would want'. Things they could agree upon: I'm a left wing, stubborn but sentimental, pop-obsessed, football fan with a lifelong addiction to tea. So is that my identity...?
Both are important aspects of me but certainly not the entirety. the way I project myself, the way I interact with others and the way I show empathy are important as well. I want to be known for my skills, my caring nature and the way I handle life’s miseries with humour.
