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Gender identity and the concept of "getting old."

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kodo, Dec 18, 2015.

  1. Kodo

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    Whenever I go back over the mental argument supporting my male identity, I often remember this one thing that stands out. The concept of growing old... as a female.

    Immediately I shudder in disgust and involuntarily think, God no! I'm no woman! And that kind of confirms it, in my mind. When I imagine myself at seventy - I imagine myself a wry old man with grey hair and a beard. Never, ever could I imagine myself as an old woman.

    Not only this, but when I think of my older self - it's as a father, grandfather, uncle, and so forth. Motherly roles, and being an "aunt" don't jive.

    Does anyone else have similar thoughts or anything to add?
     
  2. WhereWeWere

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    Well, that makes sense, totally. I mean, you are a transguy after all.

    Myself, being 14, I don't like the thought of being past 29 years old so I don't think about aging that often. Being so young right now, it's hard to imagine myself as an elderly person, male or female. It's easier to imagine to being an old man rather than an old woman for me, though.
     
  3. MetalRice

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    I can feel where you are coming from, the thought of growing old as a guy and being treated as a guy and being forced into "guy" roles for the rest of the life just makes me sick to my stomach.

    I'm a woman, why can't anyone fucking get that? I always tell myself, but I just sigh.
     
  4. Invidia

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    Yeah, I agree. Sometimes I feel silly for fretting so much about something like gender that really shouldn't matter so much... But then I remember that feelings are feelings and are their own arbiter of validity. This is indeed a phase in one sense - it's a stage in life I have to get through and overcome - both for the sake of my future happiness, of course, but just as much to redeem my past that is my denial of girlhood and normal female puberty. For even though the past is perhaps a mere story we tell ourselves, it's still immensely important.
     
  5. Matto_Corvo

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    I feel this way as well. I can't picture myself older and female, and when I do my whole life just seems pointless. Sometimes I'll go "imagine if I just stay female" and I try to imagine life but I feel like relationships wouldn't be possible because I would always feel like I am lying. I would spend my life always wonder what if and dreaming of being a man.
     
  6. Hexagon

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    I try not to think about things like the future.
     
  7. Michael

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    That's triggering for me, the idea of growing old inside this body...

    I can see myself on the role of the eccentric bachelor uncle with quite a few interesting stories to tell. My life right now is about living those stories : Places to go, people to know and love, experiences... This doesn't mean I live for making anything, I just let everyday bring whatever and try to make the best of it. There are some objectives, but if they don't work out the way I wanted them, I won't see it as a failure, there are plenty of things to do in life anyways. Life always surprises you.
    I've known people making plans, but it's quite useless, you know : Life can end tomorrow for anyone, and all that will be left are lifeless objects like postcards.
     
  8. Ronin

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    Absolutely. I think about that, too. When I was trying to think of what I wanted to do with my life back when I was a teen, I got this image of a middle-aged bearded man, rugged, with a DSLR camera and out in the wilderness. It was the first and only time I got anything like that.

    Another thing I did was think about who I would be on a deserted island. Did I see myself as a man or a -shudders- woman. Well, that was easy enough for me, lol. I realized with that how I wasn't just wanting to be in a masculine social role, I needed to be a man, inside and out, regardless of anything else. I already knew, to be honest, but it was just extra confirmation for me.
     
  9. setnyx

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    i'm living the nightmare now. have known since before i started school that i'm male. i've existed in this deformed body for almost 50 yrs. now. i have an amazing son starting his own adulthood. which made this hell i'm in worth it at least.
     
  10. fijiwaterprince

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    Tbh I don't see myself getting old.
    I used to, but now I don't plan on living past 30. It's weird though, when I did see see myself getting older, I could never really see my face or any physical features. Just concepts and ideas of how my life looked. Always a wife and a child leaving for colleges then planning a gym with a sauna being added on to my house. That's all there's ever been to it.
     
  11. darkcomesoon

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    I feel the same way. I am sometimes unsure about transition because my dysphoria is not awful, but that's in part because I already see myself as a guy (although I look younger than I am) so it's not too unsettling. But if I grew up to be a middle aged and then elderly woman, that would feel so incredibly wrong. I see myself growing up to be a father, uncle, grandfather, etc. I see myself being an 80 year old man with a beard making terrible jokes like my grandfather does. I can't picture growing up to be a woman and being okay with it.
     
  12. denouement

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    I could never picture myself growing up. I used to have a good deal of self-denial and went through this phase where I was obsessed with never growing up, Peter Pan-style... I figured even if I was a girl I damn well wasn't going to be a woman. It used to really scare me sometimes because I had no hopes or ideas for even the next few days, I couldn't picture myself beyond some vague ideas about going to college and getting a job, as expected of me.

    Now it's kind of interesting because I could never visualize what I would be like as a woman, but I can picture transitioning and getting old and (eventually) being an old man, and I even look forward to it.
     
  13. Oddsocks

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    I struggle to picture myself older. I mean, I don't - a recent flick through old family albums reveals that my grandmother was the spitting image of me in her youth, so I've more or less got a living example of my future face. But...yeah.

    I have a lot of mixed feelings about my potential older self, and lots of conflicting mental images. I know I'll probably never pursue any kind of medical transition, so yeah, I'm gonna look like my grandma. But I don't know how okay I am with becoming an old lady. It feels about as bizarre as becoming an old man.

    I figure I'll get to that when I get to it!
     
  14. FootballFan101

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    I can imagine my older self better as a woman than a man