Hey guys, I have nowhere else I can just vent so I'm sorry, I'm just struggling with handling what just happened to me and I can't deal. So I was talking to my aunt (technically shes my cousin but i consider her more like an aunt) and she own her own horseback riding school thing and she's like this really successful entrepreneur and stuff. And I casually mentioned how I'd love to open a cafe or something directed to vegan baking and anime stuff. Then she started on this whole schpeel about how I should be networking and stuff and was telling me about the lesbian community and how lesbians are all vegan and how lesbian this lesbian that and in my head I'm having like this internal meltdown because I just hate my female body more than I can put into words and she's just throwing me onto this so female label and I can't handle it and forcing a smile and keeping calm and quiet was so difficult I was sure that if I tried to move my whole face would literally split in two. And it just frustrates me more that I have to wait until the summer to come out to everyone. Well, not have to -- want to. I start my hormone therapy in the summer and I feel that that would be a good time to come out and so I'm just a mess right now and my gender dysphoria towards myself has been so bad the past few weeks that this was like the cherry on top. I even panic when I see girls and check them out because I'm reminded of what I have and hate about myself and just...augh. If you read through all that word vomit, here's a cookie. *gives you cookie*
*takes a cookie* :lol: You know what's the worst thing? We're living about 2 hours away from each other you and I. I'd cheer you up Actually, are you the type of person who likes to hear worse cases than theirs to put them up? Because I could tell you that I'm carrying me and my wife's second child and that pregnancy so doesn't fit me that I'm ill to an unrecognizable point and unable to move my back at all, therefore stuck sitting down or laying down all day. Like if this pregnancy didn't get me dysphoric enough my usual means of countering dysphoria (sex and exercise) are out of the question for me. It's cool that you rant, though. You know how supportive EC is (*hug*)
I think that was rather presumptuous of her to talk about you networking with the lesbian community. Despite being a successful entrepreneur and all that, she is definitely in need of some sensitivity training. Lesbians have vegan cafes? How revolutionary. So do gay men, straight men, panromantic bisexuals and a whole lot more. Nobody should put labels on you and assume anything, and I'm sorry to hear you had to endure that. I did read through all of that, so I'm going to take a cookie...*loves cookies* The summer will come for you, and with it the realization of what you seek. In the mean while, feel free to vent here on EC, as we're here and completely supportive. You may also consider looking into getting a referral for some counseling, to help you deal with stuff in the next few months. A qualified, confidential counselor may be able to certainly help you out further, and put you more at ease in the months ahead.
Not much to say except I'm here for you. I know a trans person (FtM, like you, but he's only 15) and I get so sad on his behalf at the reactions he gets from others.
