gender depending on people you hang out with?

When I'm hanging around my female friends I often feel more feminine and I'm happy with whatever they wish to uses pronouns as long as they respect me and my decisions for my life. When I'm around the males I often feel like they are my brothers and I hold a very strong connection to speaking with my male friends I find them extremely fun to be around. But both sides are important to me I find them both to be great friends. I think this has something to do more with the way somebody is brought up or what they're feeling in the moment then it has to do with gender but that is my personal opinion and it doesn't mean that it's right. I don't think you're alone there are so many people that probably feel or have thought the same thing it's just not everybody on the planet is on this website or other websites explaining that one thing. But it happens to be you're definitely not alone I'm thinking this and I'm probably one of those people who feels similar although I do consider myself a male whatever a male is supposed to be, I could argue that doesn't even exist but it's about what we feel and that's what matters so I let it be. And I like others fit wherever and live life.

 

Hi Kronux.

I’m not out to anyone…yet, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it. With most of my male friends, I would want to continue to interact with them as a male. Not because I think they will judge me, but because that’s the relationship we’ve built over the years and I enjoy connecting guy-to-guy. With my female friends, I don’t think I would have a problem presenting as female with them. And, actually, I think I’d prefer it. With new people, it kinda depends on “who I was” when I met them.

I don’t have the same level of dysphoria as you, but mine comes and goes with the situation as well. When I’m a girl, I want breasts SO bad, but wouldn’t go so far as getting surgery because I don’t want them when I’m feeling male. Being genderfluid is complicated :-/

 

There is definitely such a thing as genderfluid, haha I should know

I wouldn't say it changes when I'm with male or female friends. It doesn't change much in social situations, but it does when people make misogynistic, or in some rare cases misandristic, remarks. To be honest, I'm fairly new to genderfluidity myself. It's going to take a lot more reflection to find out what else triggers changes. I do experience some dysphoria, but only in extreme cases. I'm usually somewhere in between male and female.

 

I can definitely relate to this. For me personally, I feel more agender than anything, or almost like a connection to gender is more of a suit I put on rather than a trait that I feel intrinsically connected to or a personality trait like a lot of people, so I see it more as how I relate to my friends / how comfortable I feel expressing my masculinity or femininity changes depending on who I'm around. For example, if I'm around male friends who know about my gender and accept me as one of them, I just see us as all equal and usually end up expressing more masculinity. Around female friends, I usually relate more/express more femininity since I can understand that too. Obviously it depends on the individual.... not all females and feminine and males masculine, but I'm simplifying it since I don't know as many nonbinary people... but, where I will notice feeling wrong is if like, let's say a guy was treating me like a girl, or was acting like we were really different and assuming things about my person or interests because I "look like a girl" then I'll be confused and feel like I'm being singled out, though less of like I should be feminine in that situation...

Overall, I feel more comfortable around guys and like I can relate to the way they think more though, regardless of my own femininity or masculinity.

As for your dysphoria being more socially based... this is okay. It doesn't make it fake or flakey or make you a shallow person for caring about how you're seen socially... honestly, you might just not have as much / any physical dysphoria and only social dysphoria, which is kind of like social anxiety but totally honed in on gender, meaning the anxiety would go away if you were seen as what you believe you are and not how others see you because of the disconnect between mind and body; I'm this way too. I just don't want gender roles applied to me because they bother me, and I'd rather be seen as someone closer to a boy than a girl, since most people automatically view me as a girl. Sometimes I want to bind and pack not necessarily because I hate my body, but because it will make me get perceived more as a boy, which is honestly the only better alternative in my mind than being seen as a girl since most people don't even know what nonbinary is.

 

I don't feel like my gender changes but I do catch myself acting more like the other person when I hang out with them. Particularly with verbal and body language. Even my tone of voice ends up mimicking them to a certain extent. I guess the situational thing describes my sexual orientation pretty well though. I feel more gay when I'm around people attracted to girls and vise versa. (probably because when I'm with straight guys or lesbians, we pretty much just talk about girls being attractive which is pretty gay)

 

I've heard of this before, where your gender changes depending on who you're with, and I think someone tried to come up with a more specific term than genderfluid for this specific experience, but I don't remember what it was. Regardless, I don't think you're alone in this. Imo everything you're describing is a completely valid way to experience gender, even if you feel it's a less common one.

 

My gender is very situational.

*When I'm in a girly place or setting with other females I socialize with (like shopping with my daughter or getting my hair done) I am totally and completely a girl. They're my people!
*When I'm in a gym or at a hardware store I start talking to the dude-bros and I'm all guy. They're my people!
*Being in a social situation with a, ahem, less than masculine guy sends me into my girl mode. I guess my subconscious sees them more like women than men, even if they're not gay or trans. Hmmmm.
*When I'm alone at home or with my husband or close family I'm mostly girl but I let my guard down, and my guy is also there but not really in charge. My husband has been able to see/sense my masculine presence for decades, but neither of us had a name for it.
*When I'm alone in public in a mixed space, including being at work, I have this stupid middle place that is unintentional androgyny where I'm wanting to be all girl and enjoy it, but feeling the guy trying to break through, and my dysphoria eats at me until something manages to distract me.

 

I never heard of this before until here, though I don't read or hear a lot about gender stuff other than here or the occasional thing from my friend who's non-binary. I find my gender is always the same wherever I am. When with women, I don't relate a lot most of the time but just accept it. My friends know I don't relate a lot to these things. Even my friend today, whom I told I am going dress shopping tonight for a banquet tomorrow asked me if I was fine wearing a dress. I normally am not, so i said not really. It's okay. This is expression though, but I mean, generally I hear women talk about dresses and make-up and whatever. When I am with men, I am just like them, though not always interested in them. I see myself as just me. I also am androgyne, so this could be why this is the case.

So, I personally am not, though this is the case for me and sexuality. If I am with a female partner, I would want to be more masculine and be treated more manly. But if I am with a male partner, I would want to be more feminine.