Ok the title may be a bit dramatic, but I've been trying to figure this out for awhile. I thought I had everything figured out when I (somewhat I guess) nailed down my sexuality (whole other thing there), but I'm constantly confused about my gender identity. I know my profile says genderqueer, but I'm not sure due to lack of knowledge of terms and feelings about whether it's the best way to describe who I am or if there is a better one. I've always felt jealous of my opposite gender for as long as I can remember and still am, but there are times where I'm glad I am the gender I am for other reasons. I'm constantly dissatisfied with the skin I am in especially since my family are quite conservative and strict to the status quo when it comes to what females and males are supposed to like and act like. I have daydreams of being with multiple genders with me as varying genders (me as guy with girl, me as girl with guy, me as guy with guy, me as girl with girl, etc.) I'm way too nervous to experiment with my identity or even attempt to try to present myself as the other gender in fear that I'll be shunned and hated by my friends and family. It's hard to express my gender confusion anywhere and I don't have too much knowledge of them to try. I kinda shift from wanting to be male to female then back to male and so on and so on to where I feel uncomfortable constantly due to constant shifting and male and female stereotypes being forced on me. I have daydreams of shifting genders constantly like I have a whole other life which makes me happy, but then depresses me because I can't act on it. I don't know whether I should just suppress myself and just try to accept myself for what gender I was born with or try to figure myself out. I've researched articles and terms to try to see what fits but not 100% sure. Sorry for such a long post, I just felt the urge to get everything out.
Hi. I'm cisgender, but I think I can help. About a year, I was strugging with my sexuality and almost every night I would obssesively Google quizzes and different signs of things and it made me super stressed. I also briefly thought about not being a girl just because my friend asked if the fact that I liked girls made me transgender but I quickly realized that was just my friend making me overly confused. I think that some people saying not having a label is freeing, so you could just try out being genderqueer or non binary or both genders or just queer. For me, having a label helped me feel normal and more confident. I'm sorry that you have a conservative family, that must make everything harder. If you want to find a label, you could do a bit more research and try to feel more relaxed and maybe see if any other gender expressions fit. If that is too hard and stressful or you don't want a label, your gender and pronouns can just be fluid. Some people sometimes feel non binary, sometimes a girl and other times a boy or both or any combination of that. Your gender can be whatever you want it to be and even if it seems overwhelming, it will feel amazing once you move out and can be free to be whatever you want to be.
What you're feeling sounds a lot like what and how I was feeling when I first came out to myself. I ended up going to three separate therapists, including two who specialized in gender issues and one who was transgender, and they all said basically the same thing: "Okay, that's cool." You may be frightened and it may feel like a dam is about to burst, but it's your life and you can own it. It sounds like you are just starting to openly question, explore and accept who you are with respect to your gender. I think that should probably be a normal part of growing up, and we never stop growing up. I recommend finding a therapist who is familiar with gender issues. Things may be confusing, but time is on your side. Life will happen. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists --enter your area, then under Issues click transgender.
After looking into more stuff, I feel like I may be genderfluid, but I don't exactly feel I have the right to be since I only look like my birth gender. I understand it's not completely looks that define a person, it's just kinda like that phrase "seeing is believing". I just have it set in my mind that if I just feel myself fluctuating among genders and I'm not showing it on the outside I feel like I'm faking or lying to myself. Thanks for advice, it's nice to finally have people to listen without judgement!
That's the thing; you have every right to feel or to be any way that you want. It may be less about having the right and more about having a rewarding life. I won't speak for others, but speaking entirely for myself this isn't as much about my looking feminine or nonbinary. It is about respecting and validating my own feelings and needs, and not burying that part of me that I learned as a kid to call stupid and to hide and ignore. I am middle aged by any definition. Even after shaving (Really!?), hair transplants, electrolysis, hormone therapy, etc, strangers still call me "Sir" more often than not. It's depressing, but I'm also kind of okay with it. I'm not trying to look like a woman per se; I'm just trying to be true to myself and live my life ever more fully as I go along. Besides, my real friends would never call me that, and they're the people I'm living for!
