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Gay Voice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JAA1297, Nov 16, 2016.

  1. JAA1297

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    So idk if this is the right section for this, and it's probably a weird question, but....

    Imprimis: obviously I'm gay, and I am pretty feminine. And I like being openly gay, but obviously it's awkward to have to come out to every single person I meet. But I want people to know that I'm gay because it makes me feel more validated. So one thing I really care about is my voice. I want to sound as feminine as I can, and while my voice can be slightly "gay", i don't feel it's feminine or telling enough.

    So, id like some advice on what techniques or ways of speech are the most feminine, so I can try using those. I obviously don't want to rely on stereotypes or offend anyone, but I want to sound as "gay" as possible. I've had a couple of friends in the past who have this kind of voice, and I have no clue how to do that too. Thanks!
     
  2. TheMatthew

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    Hm... It's a bit hard to describe. I speak in a feminine manner, and most people say they can tell I'm gay really soon after they meet me. Some people know right away, but my voice is a huge part of that, as it's pretty feminine. My suggestion would be to maybe go onto YouTube and find videos with guys who speak effeminately and try to imitate it? Be careful, there is a difference between speaking femininely and speaking over-the-top. Sometimes if you try too hard to sound that way it'll come off as over the top. I do want to ask, if you don't mind, can people normally tell you're gay without you telling them? If you really want people to know you're gay without having to tell them, then if you have other feminine mannerisms, don't hold them back (but don't emphasize them purposefully, it'll come off as trying too hard), and if you have any feminine interests, don't hold those back, either.
    Another way you could let people know without having to consciously try to change is to just slip it into conversation if you feel comfortable like,
    "Oh, that guy is hot" or mention a guy you like, or if you have a boyfriend bring him up...
    Back on the feminine speech topic, it's very hard to explain, but I think also vocabulary is another important part of it. Someone who is feminine might not use the same word choice someone who is masculine would. The best thing, again, would be to listen to someone who speaks this way and take mental notes.
     
  3. I'm gay

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    Trying to specifically change your voice to sound more gay is unnatural if you are not using your natural voice.

    If you want people who see you to know that you are gay (I do too, by the way!), I would suggest wearing something obvious, like jewelry, a wristband, etc. that is totally obvious. Something like rainbow earrings, or a pride flag pin, an obvious bracelet or ring. These would be obvious signs that you are gay without you having to speak in an unnatural voice.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    What you describe as a "gay voice" is really a matter of pronunciation and emphasis when speaking. I don't know why it is, but some gay men have a tendency to speak very clearly and precisely, with a definite emphasis on the letter S. At times, I have seen it described on EC as a lisp, even though it's not a lisp at all.

    I really wouldn't recommend changing the tone of your voice or any accent you may have to appear more openly gay. It's not necessary and will more than likely appear false. I'm sure you don't want that.
     
  5. okccpdude

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    I agree with this.

    Be yourself. Changing yourself to conform to a stereotype, in my opinion, is as disingenuous as being in the closet.

    I suggest the OP maybe get a rainbow bracelet or belt or something as I think that would be the best way to get the point across while staying true to themselves.

    ---------- Post added 17th Nov 2016 at 12:14 AM ----------

    I have always wondered this, and why some gay men have it and others don't. It seems like more and more younger openly gay guys don't talk that way as much as the older generation did.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    There is a documentary called "Do I sound Gay?" It talks about the underlying reasoning why some gay guys emphasis their speech pattern and have a "gay voice". Its interesting to watch and might shed some light on the topic.
     
  7. JAA1297

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    Thanks for all the replies! And I guess just in general, what else can I do to make it more obvious? And how can I casually bring it up in a conversation without it sounding forced?
     
  8. luke564

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    I find the whole gay voice thing so fascinating (and well.. slightly attractive too) - I don't know if this helps, but there's a gay guy where I work, who has this natural gay "sound" - I picked up on it right away but naturally didn't say anything, he also acts very straight - but when giving someone some feedback on their work he said "fabulous" and I pretty much knew instantly he was gay.

    I hope that doesn't sound offensive of judgmental, he didn't say it in a silly over-the-top of theatrical way, quite the opposite just kind of under-his-breath almost, but that choice of words + his voice made it super obvious to me he was gay.
     
  9. I'm gay

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    It might be true that your co-worker is gay, and it may be that he exhibits this personality trait through his word choices and speech patterns. However, making the assumption that someone who speaks this way, or uses their hands when they talk, or is employed as a florist or any number of other things is gay just because of those things is a harmful product of our culture that wants to put people in neat little labeled boxes. It's just as unfair that I am perceived as straight automatically, and people just assume so because I'm not stereotypically gay.

    To OP:

    Wearables: jewelry: bracelets, necklaces, earrings, pride pin, rings,
    accessories: belts, scarves, glasses frames, hats
    Tattoo: if you're into tattoos, there's plenty of choices that can say "gay" though might be less visible unless on the neck or face
    Clothing: don't look like a slob. Wear clothes that fit you, avoid drab colors
    Personality: Relax and let yourself just be you. When you let down your guard, fully accept yourself as the wonderful gay man you are, your natural femininity will clue a lot people in regardless of what you're wearing. Stop suppressing your natural personality.
    Hair: Well groomed and neat. Color highlights are common in the gay community, so if you'd like to play with your hair a bit, find a hairstylist that can give you a modern, more "gay" style haircut and coloring. Gold highlights are still a good choice for young gay men with darker hair.

    I'll add more if I think of them, and others can chime in here as well.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  10. luke564

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    No offence was intended, and you're right - it's not fair.

    I'm confused though, you said its unfair to assume sexuality on such stereotypical things but then list clothes, hair, wearables etc that are in of themselves stereotypical in order to display sexuality?
     
  11. I'm gay

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    Yes, but OP is looking to appear "gay" at first glance. Of course that preys on stereotype. I only was attempting to point out the potential fallacy of making those assumptions. Some items, however, go beyond stereotype and are blatant, such as a rainbow bracelet or pride flag pin.
     
  12. KingofScrubs

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    I'm Closeted Gay, But don't have the voice. I am kind off effeminate looking, tall and skinny frame. Nobody has ever suspected me as Gay. The reason is probably that I am huge sports fan. And the stereotype is that gay's don't like sports. I wish that stereotype would be broken.
     
  13. Cooper18

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    You know I have a pretty queer voice and I just am very gay looking, and I also dress gay and people think I act gay. But I'm just one of those people - i don't really try.

    Anyways I'm out and most people know I'm gay but right now I'm having this problem because I didn't realize my boss didn't know. Anyways I swear for some people you are just never gay enough.


    Anyways piercings are a pretty traditional and obvious way, but not everybody wants a piercing :slight_smile:

    I'm a big fan of cool shoes and colorful shoelaces. Also if you are a guy its just so easy to rouse suspicion if you wear anything in 'girl' colors or girly. I'm always one to enjoy some black hightops maybe with some pink laces, maybe mixed with white laces or something. Anyways purple is always a big give away too..

    Tight fitting clothes raise suspicion too.. its nice when you wear them mixed with something loose..

    Is it just me or was the 80s the best decade for queer wear?


    But everyone was right a good rainbow bracelet solves the whole thing fast..

    Also hair, something avante garde raises suspicion. If its feathery, its usually assumed gay....


    tight pants, but not everyone wants to wear those.

    Do you remember those earings that were two piercings with a chain attached? that was a nice gay look

    Also just dressing really sexy...

    You'll figure out what you like. Just don't hurt yourself, or change yourself :slight_smile:


    Also if you carry a backpack or bag you can always put pins and buttons on it :slight_smile:

    suspenders can look gay...

    This is kind of fun :slight_smile:
     
  14. DAFriend

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    Voice is no indication. I have a gay BFF who, if you went by voice alone, you would never guess was gay. I have another male friend who is effeminate, has a stereotypical type gay voice and is straight - no not in the closet or a transvestite or, trans or anything, normal straight guy, just effeminate with a naturally feminized voice, just his genetics.

    Personally, unless you are doing drag, I don't like guys to use artificially feminine voices. Makes you look like a fake, poser, wannabe, etc....
     
  15. scxred

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    Am i the only one who doesnt understand people saying that people shouldnt imitate voices that dont come naturally.. like WHAT. what about trans people who do voice training!? also sometimes the qualities, traits you have on the outside dont match how you feel on the inside. He might have a masculine voice but feels more feminine on the inside and wants to express it through his voice. I dont get the whole 'artificial voice' argument *Rolls eyes*
     
  16. JAA1297

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    Thanks everyone for the replies! I'll try what you all suggested, they're all good ideas and they should do the trick. Thanks!
     
  17. scxred

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    Does my post resonate with u? Do you want a "gay voice" because thats what u feel fits u?