Gay Sons and Their Mothers

My mum cried when I first came out to her and gave me the cold shoulder for about a week, but then things just went back to normal. We're still very close, at least she doesn't have to worry about the kind of dramas my brother has caused with his past girlfriends.

 

Interestingly, I don’t feel close to my mother, and feel closer to my father. My parents divorced at an early age, and I always felt that my Mom chose my abusive stepdad consistently over me. I felt muzzled at early age, and began the practice of shutting her out and dissassociating in order to survive.

I’m working through all of that right now. She says she loves me, but it feels conditional, like always. She’s aware of my current sexuality struggle, says she just wants me to be happy.....but I kinda take it as a blowoff. She doesn’t really talk with me about feelings.

I know I really struggle to accept where I am and where I might be, and I don’t know what I want from her....I just feel nothing for her most of the time, despite outward shows of love.

 

We were pretty close most of my childhood. Emphasis on "were"... now we fluctuate between her refusing to talk to me and her trying to be accepting while still wanting to convert me back to being straight and making me feel bad over it.

 

I’m really close to my mom. I’m actually close to both of my parents. I always tell them how much I appreciate them. I always had this fear of losing them young because I knew so many people my age when I was a kid that had lost a parent and it seemed pretty traumatic.

 

I'm having a strange kind of experience (but I think mostly due to my own doing).

I'm close to my mum and always have been, but we never spoke about my sexuality for 2 and half years after I came out (although it did coincide with me moving over the other side of the world) - still haven't. She did however seem to know over the last few years that I have been struggling with something. I visited home recently and she brought it up more that she knows something is wrong....I'm just not very good at being honest about these things and would just wave everything off as "fine".

So really I think it's me that's kind of driving a wedge between us. Likely due to shame issues. I can still see in my head, how disappointed she was the night I came out. Hopefully in the future I can change a bit though.

 

Oh no I’m sorry for your loss! I worry about my dad a lot too because he has had a number of health issues and eats things he shouldn’t be but I just found this site called fooducate. I’m going to try to find some healthier options for him because his doctor even told him he needs to lose weight but it’s hard because he can only eat a handful of things.

 

Thank you!

 

I know. You couldn't be any more right. Obviously easier said than done haha but hopefully soon I will gather up the courage and make that call. Over the last while I have always used living overseas as an excuse, "no point in telling family that things aren't as great as I make them out to be, because they will just worry that they are to far away to do anything anyway" .....but I'm starting to realise that I think they are worrying anyway, particularly my mum.

 

I was just shocked that my dad and brother reacted more positively than my mum and sister, I was really worried that I was going to get the shit kicked out of me or at least get shouted and sworn at, but they were totally calm and supportive to me, while the women were a bit more standoffish about it. I think maybe the men in my family were respecting me for becoming my own man, or something.

 

I was quite a bit closer with my Father growing up but became really quite close with my Mother as an adult--well, close considering that I lived half a country away. My parents and my husband and I traveled together somewhat frequently. The four of us made for a really good little traveling group! Now that they're gone we definitely miss them, but at least we have a lot of fun memories.