Control issues in gay relationships seem to be a common theme. I have spoken to many guys that have split blaming perceived control issues between their respective ex’s. And in relationships with significant age gaps, such as the one I was in, perceived control is typically a common and heightened cause of concern. In my breakup with my soon to be ex, we have talked over the years about his concerns that I, as the older partner, maintained all the control in our relationship; and my similar concerns I expressed to him of my perception that he, due to his absentee parents at an early age, micromanaged our relationship and always sought to control numerous aspects of my life. Control was an underlying theme in the few sessions we had with our couples counselor (we even had one counselor that I first interviewed reject wanting to work with us initially because he did not feel our issues were solvable). Ultimately, as I look back, perceived control was a driving force behind our respective decision to end our marriage - this despite my epiphany some time ago deciding I did not want to let my own ego interfere with the direction of our relationship. Tonight, while helping him work on his new home he is moving to once our divorce is finalized, we had a discussion on the reasons for our marriage failure, and our respective perception of the others underlying control in the relationship was readdressed amongst other issues. And with resignation we both agreed to disagree on each of our respective perspectives. But of all the issues we discussed, perceived control seems to stick out in my mind the most. So I am curious, why does control seem to be such a common theme in failed gay relationships (age gap or no age gap as I have heard from others)? And why is it such a hard issue to resolve?