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Gay or Bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by kellynec, Sep 4, 2017.

  1. kellynec

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    I used to be 100% straight so to speak, from age 8 to 14. I used to only masturbate to women and get off to women because I was only attracted to them

    Then somehow something changed and I could no longer be aroused by the porn I was watching (lesbian and webcam)

    Nowadays I can masturbate to gay fantasies

    But I do tend to check out women in real life and not guys. However female porn no longer arouses me.
    I've never had sex so I don't know if a female would arouse me in real life or not

    What do you think? Is it possible to be gay with this past? Or am I more likely bi?
     
  2. JaimeGaye

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    ALL humans are born with some level of bisexual interest. I truly believe it is hard wired into our brains.

    MOST humans will cast off the notion of any same sex attractions and choose to engage and remain heterosexual in their sexual relationships throughout their lives.

    SOME human beings (Perhaps as high as 40% of the population) will realize their sexual attraction to members of both sexes and act on those impulses by engaging in sexual relations with members of both sexes OR by suppressing and/or controlling their urges through self pleasuring techniques (Masturbation).
    It is often during these times of exploration that individuals begin to realize their attractions are much stronger, more pleasurable, and more comforting on one side of the spectrum of sexuality than the other.
    At this point the individual will most often choose to identify as gay or straight and once the choice is made they will rarely if ever deviate from it.

    PERHAPS half of the 40% of the general population identifying as cross gender attracted will come to realize during their exploration stage that they are equally attracted to members of both sexes but they will also realize their attractions are mainly physical in nature and often involve a very narrow spectrum of human qualities that they find sexually desirable in their partner choices.

    Another aspect many if not most humans desire is to pair bond in a monogamous relationship with that one special person.
    Like geese and many other sentient life forms this desire is also hard wired into our brains.
    It is an emotional need and we cannot change it, we can only block it from our consciousness.

    When deciding what label by which a human being wishes to identify, all the above factors must be taken into consideration.

    If your strongest most satisfying choice and desire is to pair bond and remain monogamous with an opposite gender individual, you are at that point heterosexual in your life choice

    If your strongest most satisfying choice and desire is to pair bond and remain monogamous with a same gender individual you are at that point homosexual in your life choice

    Many individuals will choose, mainly due to outside negative influences, to marry opposite gender individuals while internally struggling with a strong internalized homosexual nature and alignment.
    These individuals will often identify as and label themselves as "Bisexual" while they come to terms with their true sexual nature.
    Sadly these relationships often end badly for both commitment partners as the monogamy of the relationship cannot be maintained.

    TRUE BISEXUALS will often refuse to engage in a commitment relationship with any one individual and normally "Play the field" by maintaining several casual sexual relationships at any given time.

    I hope that you took the time to read this and now better understand what parameters you need to address before deciding to hang that all important label on yourself.
     
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  3. kellynec

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    I still don't understand which parts apply to me personally

    So gay or bi?
     
    #3 kellynec, Sep 4, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
  4. JaimeGaye

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    What you may have trouble understanding at this stage is no one else can make that decision for you.
    Only you can..
    Read what I wrote again then sit back and think on it a bit.
     
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  5. Tomás1

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    I'd say let go of the need for a label, & do some experimenting. Sex w real people is more complicated than porn. Relationships are more complicated than sex.

    As u say you've "never had sex"… I'd look around, start flirting w those you're attracted to … or just be friendly … touch them … see who jumps away, & who touches u back. Notice whether you're flirting w girls or guys. Guys will be easier to have sex with, girls will probably want to be in a relationship of some kind, although not always. Do some experimenting - find real people u like!
     
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  6. shyjess

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    Bisexual. I was like you when I was younger and used to think about guys all the time...then puberty commence and then I suddenly started liking girls, even have fantasies kissing and touching them. So yeah, you're bi.
     
  7. JaimeGaye

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    Absolutely!

    It is very difficult for an individual of little or no experience thrashing about in the throes of puberty or post puberty coming of age to accurately gauge their true sexual identity.

    "So am I gay-Bi-Polymorphic-quenderqueer-transexual-pan romantic??!!
    No.
    You're 13...
     
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  8. kellynec

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    Also should I stop watching porn and/or masturbate for say 30 days to see if that would make it easier for me to figure it out?
     
  9. Chiroptera

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    First of all, take a deep breath and relax. This is about you and yourself, there is no need to rush to any conclusions. Also, labels aren't necessary: You are who you are. A label can help, but if you find them too confusing, you can worry about them later (or not worry about defining yourself with a word at all).

    Think about your attractions. When thinking about women, do you feel attracted to them? Sexually and romantically? What about men, do you feel attracted to them? When you imagine yourself in a relationship, do you think you could be happy with a man or a woman, or you would be happy with any of them? When you fantasize, do you think about men or women?

    That isn't necessary, but, if you want to try a small "exercise", you can try stopping with porn for a while, and masturbating using only your fantasies. After that, you can think: Do fantasies with men seem more interesting to you? Or fantasies with women are better? Or maybe both "work" for you?
     
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  10. kellynec

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    What I don't get is, if I do check out women in real life but masturbate to mostly gay fantasies NOWADAYS, what does that mean?

    Also is it possible that I've been, through 6 years of continous porn - too much porn, desensitized to my straight attractions and that I'm still partly straight? Because women used to be crazy attractive to me, and I would binge on lesbian porn a lot when I was young. Gay porn or crossdresser porn used to do nothing. In fact I used to be so turned off by the sight of other men that I would, like I said, binge on lesbian porn, not straight porn, because of the presence of men
     
  11. Chiroptera

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    Porn can indeed be a bit confusing - it is a show, created to attract you. It isn't an accurate representation of reality. That doesn't mean your porn preferences can't be an indicator, but it is more reliable to think about your fantasies, in your head, instead.

    You seem to be overthinking the past and the present. My suggestion is that you take a deep breath and relax, and think about what you are feeling now, in the present.

    Again, i suggest you try the little "exercise" i mentioned in my other post.
     
  12. Tomás1

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    JaimeGaye: I like your post above on sexualities. Is this your own theories & ideas? Plz let me know any references. My only critique is that I didn't like the % factors. They can make people conform to stereotypes, & not explore their uniqueness.

    Kellynec:
    I suggest getting off porn. U can end up depending on porn, or phone sex … for your sexual needs & desires …& miss out on people & relationships. I think it has desensitized u.

    If u check out women in life but masturbate to gay fantasies … and only u can say what it means. Journal (inquire) about what u like about women & what about gay fantasies turns u on. Gay fantasies are mostly about dicks … which is a powerful & mysterious part of our bodies as men. But only u can make sense of your preferences & history. Some of this is a learning experience. W women, u learn what they like, how to get along w them, how to have a good relationship, & what kind of woman u like. Gay anonymous sex is much more simple: just unzip, or bend over.
     
    #12 Tomás1, Sep 5, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2017
  13. JaimeGaye

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    Thank you
    These are my own theories based on both the findings of professional research papers and first hand experiences.