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Gay Men; how long did it take you to desire a relationship with men after realizing your attraction

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by whatsneb, Oct 17, 2017.

  1. Destroyed

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    I think your too engrossed in relationship stuff for both men and women. Your not just exploring and having fun, your overthinking the omggggg i like men but no i want to be str8t. If even after speaking to your gf, things got worse. Id say, politely break up with her and explain the truth- then simply stay single and freely explore sex with both men and women. Keep the bi label but this time embrace your gay attractions in their fullness equally and quit downplaying that feeling as being little this or that, just like you accepted your str8t attractions, its time your gay side gets that full treatment equally. Or else, it will consume you greatly as time passes cause your repressing,self hating and its not healthy.
     
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  2. whatsneb

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    Thank you, i think that may have been what i needed to hear because it sounds like it hit the nail right on the head. I am totally confused and there arw no answers, but i feel in my soul that you are probably right and i need to explore it more to ever be satisfied
     
  3. jonnemack

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    You don't need to EXPLORE necessarily. Destroyed has my point: politely break up with her (if you don't agree to go out and talk with a guy you might find interesting) and live your life trying to find a guy or a girl you really love.

    That thing that you only had sex with "weirdos" and unatractive guys really made me sad.

    Not only you are being unfair with you but with others as well. What if one of those "weird guys" had expectations and hanged out with you because you convinced them they were nice and good looking? Seriously, I am really sad.

    I don't know where you live (since you "moved" from canada to USA), but I really hope you can solve your problems and that others can read this topic so they can't be in the same trap where you are. Please, free yourself from the doubts and go find true love. If I was trying to show you both sides last time (being in or out the cage), but now I am bluntly saying: you can be in denial of your homossexuality. Stop fooling yourself and fooling others.
     
    #23 jonnemack, Oct 20, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017
  4. whatsneb

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    Yes i know it was unfair, i mean I didn't lead those guys on or anything they knew that I was just experimenting and that nothing was going to come from it, but yeah I think it was still unfair for sure.

    Thanks, honestly I think that is what I need to be hearing at this point because I think it is clear that I havn't figured things out
     
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  5. jonnemack

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    Best regards, then, Whatsneb. Sorry if I was a little rough before. Your story reminded me of a friend in the same spot that, after realized he was getting interested into men, changed his aproach with many of his good male friends (me included).

    My general opinion is that he is gay, but he lives with a possibly conservative father (a military policeman) and can't just cope with the fact that he might like men. He only speaks and hangs out with girls and might have a girlfriend to show his family. At the same time, he follows gay models on instagram and even erase comments of those gay guys on his pictures (I printed the before/after scenario).

    So, for his female friends, he is bissexual. He can talk with some of them about guys and with others he acts like he is interested in them sexually, to justify for his other friends and family his "straight" actions, since he is not out of the closet fully.

    He is just super intelligent, really good looking, has an excelent future ahead of him... But I feel he is conflicted with himself just as you are. He is also 24 years old, just like you. He knows I am gay and now that I can see the big picture, I cannot really develop a good conversation without worrying of meaning something... More... You know?

    Anyway, it is good to hear that you are going to some with terms with yourself. The best regards for your girlfriend and I hope you can let yourself feel true love, exploring who you really are without worrying about labels, that sometimes we give to ourselves.
     
  6. Alessio

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    To me like 5 seconds
     
  7. mnguy

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    I imagine a relationship with a guy like being best friends but you can touch each other more, cuddle, sleep together and sex. I haven't had that, but it sounds pretty great so I was wondering if you could expand on what's hard to picture about it for you. I have had friends I wanted to do more with so I have some idea of the good feelings, but they were straight so never got to.

    Do you have or had really good male friends? Was it fun having those friendships? Why don't you think a relationship with a gay guy could be fun like that but with the warmth of his touch, deeper sense of caring and sexual enjoyment? Bonus if the guy is similar size you could share clothing, which turns me on anyway. I'm not doubting how you feel, just curious how you picture dating men and how is it different in a negative way compared to having good buddies with extra fun. The only thing I can think of is the fear of negative reactions out in public or rejection from people you know, which is possible, so I wonder if that's it or if it's something else.

    To answer your question, I realized I was gay when I was about 24, but never met or knew anyone to experiment with and haven't dated. I'd like a relationship and it sounds nice, but apparently I'm not willing to do what it takes to get one and the perfect guy hasn't shown up at my door, haha.
     
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  8. Thom1

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    Hi. A lot of good things have been said here. One thought from personal experience. It is possible to love a woman as a close caring friendship even though you're gay. Friends can be of any sex. So you're not alone in your position. Just that she may have different ideas. ....and that's the problem.