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Gay man not into anal sex

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Slater, Nov 4, 2017.

  1. Slater

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    That's me. Is it so unusual?

    I seem to have had no problem finding partners for whom anal sex is not "a must".

    I dated a guy for years who was a total top, and I put up with it, even came to enjoy it, but ultimately the relationship ended (for other reasons) and I was surprised at how relieved I was.

    The thing is I'm totally submissive and it would be great if I could just roll over and take it whenever my partner wanted, but I'm just not wired that way.

    I fucked two guys, just two. It did nothing for me. Probably more due to the fact that I am so submissive.

    I'm perfectly happy with oral sex and other sexual activities. I don't feel at all like I'm missing something.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. Jax12

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    Unusual or not, you wouldn’t be the only one. Nothing wrong with not being into anal, and like you said, there’s other things that you enjoy doing so I don’t see a reason why you should change that.

    I like being submissive and dominant, just to change things up. I like it when a guy takes control of the bedroom stuff, but sometimes we don’t have to do anything anal related for me to really enjoy it.

    Keep doing you bud :slight_smile:
     
  3. Suomi

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    I don't care for anal sex either.

    Is it unusual for gay men to not be into anal or want to do it? Yes, I'm not gonna lie, it is.

    But what can you do? Why force yourself to like something you don't like, regardless if the majority does?

    I just don't want you to feel alone, you're not. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Slater

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    Thanks for your replies.

    Something I find interesting is this: the first time I was penetrated was when my High School boyfriend and I were experimenting one day. We wanted to try fucking, so I went first. After only a second or two of trying, he slipped himself right into me, all the way, and it didn't hurt a bit. I don't think I was expecting it to hurt, so I guess I was relaxed enough. Still, the sensation was unusual to me. I suppose if I was predisposed to enjoying being a bottom I would have thought "Oh my God, I found the meaning of life!", but it was no big deal.

    We did eventually end up fucking some over the years. His cock was a little bit thicker around the head than it was at the base, and I think because of this he felt better inside me than anyone else ever did. Oddly, when I was an active bottom, I always preferred thickness to length, even if it hurt a lot at first. Getting fucked by a really long dick always felt like I was getting stabbed in the stomach. Does anyone have a preference for the shape/size of a guy who penetrates them?

    A while back I saw this movie "Totally Fucked Up" by Queer filmmaker Gregg Araki, which was about gay teens. (and suicide, but that's depressing so I'm not talking about that specifically). The main character wasn't into anal, and seeing that helped me to come to terms with what I thought was some kind of deficiency on my part.

    But like I said, I tried it enough times, and while it can be incredibly hot, it's just not my thing. Knowing this helped me to put aside my insecurities about it and accept my preferences.
     
  5. GreyAsh

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    I don't think it's weird or anything. I don't really like it either.
     
    #5 GreyAsh, Nov 5, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2017
  6. Biguy45

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    I’m bi, so I’m not sure if my opinion is wanted here, but it doesn’t seem weird to me. I have a long history of anal with myself and women, but not yet with a man. May never happen, but I fantasize about it. I’m sure there are many who have no interest though
     
  7. Elendil

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    Totally not weird at all.

    I myself am actually a bit turned off by anal and there are plenty of other gay men who don't like it either. Usually it doensn't do anything for them or maybe other sexual acts, such as frot, feel more intimate and pleasurable than anal. It's all about what makes you feel good in bed. Don't feel like you have to do anal just to please the other guy.
     
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  8. Raydar0110

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    Of you are submissive then you could try being the top while being the submissive. It sounds strange but it's really good. If you lie down or get tied up(if your into that) then have your partner basicly sit on you. Me and my boyfriend were having sex and he just randomly put a condom on me and then got going. We stopped because he is still experiencing pain but it was really good when he was doing it.

    If this doesn't work then no anal relationships are still possible. We rarely have anal anyway. Only when we are both in the mood for it.
     
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  9. aussielefty

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    I was just going to post and and ask a similar question to the OP !!
    so I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one into anal.. but!!
    I've had pleanty of guys fuck me analy, while it was fun I never really got into it cause it was
    usually a web hook up and I did usually enjoy reciving it mostly. I did like giving it some times but I kind of got soft when I
    was topping so I just ended up being a top. But I realized when I met a guy who I could have actually fallen in love with, and he actually made love to me, not just fuck me it was so much nicer, the thing is, it seems on the net at least cause your gay you "Have to take it up the ass!" ..
    some times I'd just rather cuddle up on the lounge or in bed with some one or do other stuff.
    thought I was wierd cause most times would rather not have anal...
     
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  10. SemiCharmedLife

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    I enjoy it but there are other things I'd rather do (especially because they take less work)
     
  11. PatrickUK

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    I think a lot of gay men are quite anxious about anal play actually. Some worry that it will hurt, others worry about mess and many more are really concerned about STI's. For guys who bottom there can be a niggling feeling that they are giving up their masculinity in some way and that creates all sorts of psychological barriers to sex. On top of all of that, we may also have to contend with our dear old friend - shame. We all know how 'he' gets right into our minds and corrodes our confidence in our sexuality.

    Even if we set all of those practical and psychological issues aside, it's perfectly true to say that some gay and bi guys are just not into anal. They don't want to top or bottom, period.

    My best advice would be to look at all of the issues I mentioned above and ask yourself if any are applicable to you. Are there any practical or psychological barriers that you should be addressing? If you can honestly say that none apply, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with not wanting anal.
     
  12. Suomi

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    Yes I do have a barrier.

    The human anus was not intended to be penetrated by a penis. You can still have anal penetration yes, but the anus isn't naturally structured to handle a penis being penetrated there. A vagina on the other hand is basically invincible. It can push infants out of it, for the perfect example. There is my reason. If that's homophobic I'm sorry. The penis was meant to penetrate a vagina. Period. I'm sorry.

    I understand my vice and value on this probably isn't agreed by all, and that's fine.

    If people enjoy anal sex in any type of situation, that's fine. I don't for the reason above, which I think you can't beat nature.

    Oral sex, fingering, frotting, to me are unnatural means of sex as well, but they are a lot safer and it's fine and that's safe. I'm willing to do all of that stuff.
     
  13. Chiroptera

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    I wouldn't say that is homophobic, but, as a biologist, i must say you need to be careful with some concepts there.

    Biologically nothing was "intended" to serve as anything. Yes, the vagina is more "versatile/flexible" (to use simple terms) than the anus, but it wasn't "created" for that purpose (and i'm not talking against religion - that's another thing. I'm talking about natural selection).


    "Natural" and "unnatural" are another problem. What is "natural"? What is "unnatural"? Using a computer is "unnatural"? Eating a banana is "natural"? And what if i use a knife to peel it first (assuming i can't do it only with my hands)? Following our sexual desires is natural or unnatural? Talking to each other is natural or unnatural, considering language has a development and a story? Are humans part of nature, considering our complex society?

    "Natural" seems to be a simple concept, but it is not. It depends heavily on philosophy, biology and other fields of study.

    Oral sex has been observed in other species, not only in humans. Is that unnatural just because it doesn't directly produce offspring? But it is natural because it happens in "nature" (or if we consider "nature" as other species, without "culture", which is another complex concept)? But even without directly producing offspring, bats (for example) apparently spend more time in copulation if they engage in oral sex first, which could lead to differences in the chances of producing offspring, possibly. Is that unnatural or natural?

    We also have register of bonobos engaging in oral sex.

    Take a look at a part of a review of The Sex Lives of Animals, an exposition of the Museum of Sex. It was written by Amanda Gefter, on New Scientist:

    So, in resume: Yes, unprotected anal sex has it's risks, but, unless you find a strong definition of "natural" and "unnatural", it is extremely hard to say it is "unnatural". That also applies to other activities you mentioned (that also present risk, even if in smaller scale).

    If done correctly and with care (protection and plenty of lube), anal sex is really safe. If you don't like it, or if you feel it is gross or weird, that's perfectly fine - as already said, not everyone enjoys anal sex, and that's ok. You don't need to feel any obligation to do something you don't want, and there are plenty of other sex activities to enjoy that you might like.

    But, to say the anus was "not intended for penetration" or "anal sex is unnatural"... that's a bit complicated. If my post seemed a bit confusing, that's the point - these concepts are not as simple or relative as they might seem.
     
    #13 Chiroptera, Nov 15, 2017 at 1:12 PM
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017 at 1:16 PM
  14. gravechild

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    You'd be surprised at how common it is for gay men not to be into anal sex. Personally, I love being on the receiving end, but penetrating someone else? Pass.

    It does upset me that so many think penetrative sex involving anus or vagina are the only "true" sex, when there's so much more. Like, there's a whole world out there most of us haven't and may never even explore.
     
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  15. Biguy45

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    I agree. I’ve engaged as a solo act and with women but not yet with a man. I’ve been a top and bottom, so to speak, with women. I think I’d only like to bottom with a man. May never happen, but I do think about it a lot
     
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  16. Caecilian65

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    I'm not really into it either. I think it's more common than some people think. To be honest for me I would be happy with just mutual masturbation half the time.
     
  17. IDontKnowJoe

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    When I was considering my attraction to my own sex (males) it didn't really occur to me that it would involve that. To be honest I still don't like the idea.