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Gay guys: What should I do to become more attractive?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Joe2001, May 14, 2018.

  1. Aussie792

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    Combined with the physical shame you've mentioned above, this is the worst attitude you could take. Your Glaswegian accent is you. An English or a less regionally-distinct Scottish accent is not you.

    You need to do things that emphasise your self-worth. Exercise in order to feel good - it's much more sustainable if you actually do it because you enjoy the exercise as an end in itself. Eat well in order to feel well-nourished, not just to be thin. Buy clothes that fit your body type and project an image of your choosing.

    Do not try to become someone you're not in order to please someone else - particularly not a hypothetical English person whom you regard as better than you. That just makes you feel shit. That is the opposite of building a sense of self-worth. You will not be more desirable by negating everything that you are - you'll just become a sad husk. Seeking external validation is often self-defeating because basing your entire emotional well-being on what other people think about you can just make you unlikeable - your character needs to exist as a thing in itself, both to gain the respect of others and to feel happy.

    If you frame happiness by ever-moving goalposts (I'll be happy if I achieve this, if I change that), you will never feel attractive and confident. You need to make your perception of happiness and worth less goal-orientated.
     
  2. Aussie792

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    Also, Joe, there are over 50 million English and 5 million Scots in the world. Of course you'll come across more English people in any international industry - there are ten times the number of them. It doesn't mean people will look down on you for being Scottish.

    Perhaps more importantly, given you'll never be English insofar as you are a Scot, just accept being Scottish. You can't be happy by running away from yourself.
     
  3. Joe2001

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    I guess you are right about the accent. I just feel that because Scotland is yet to be successful in my desired job, so I feel that will limit me. Maybe I could turn that one around, but who knows?

    I am quite limited in things that I can do for my self-worth whilst still living at home, but the exercise and diet will definitely be in the cards. In real life at the moment, I don't feel as if I am surrounded by enough positive people who see the good in me, and I feel that that has affected me. Planning to hold off on making friendships until I leave school next year end hopefully I can meet people who can raise my self-esteem as I feel that I would have more confidence if people whom I know reminded me of my positive attributes. At the moment, I don't know what they are.

    I still wish that I looked more physically attractive though. I'm ignoring the likes of Tom Daley as he is an athlete by profession, but looking at some other media figures or just people that I see walking down the street, I feel like rubbish compared to them and given that I am going after men (more visual than women), that limits my chances. I've tried taking better care of myself, and a few small things and they still don't make a difference. Maybe if I got someone complementing me in school for my looks, I would feel better. My mother simply isn't enough for validation.
     
  4. Barbatus

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    You can't rely on other people to make you feel better or compliment you. You have to do that yourself and work on being your own source of validation.
     
  5. SevnButton

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    Yes - it starts from wiithin. If there's not a glimmer of self-respect, all the compliments just feel insincere.

    Look, you are either the product of eons of evolution, or God's creation (or maybe both) but either way you are a miracle, and you owe yourself that respect.

    Do not compare yourself to others - there will always be someone who is better looking, richer, or more self-assured. On the other side, it's just mean to think you're better than someone else. Either way, comparing yourself sabatoges relationshipstatus - don't do it.

    When you give yourself the credit you deserve and feel that spark of self-esteem, the slightest compliment, even a smile from a stranger, reverberates magnificently.

    You're on your way, @Joe2001! Keep it up!

    =Sevn
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    What are the essential and important qualities required in a Cruise Director? Would you say it's important for them to have a degree of self confidence and feel relaxed about who they are? If I was hiring someone for such a role I would definitely expect the candidates to demonstrate these qualities - wouldn't you?

    With all of that in mind, would you say your current outlook is presenting a positive image? I have to say that you are not giving me that vibe with some of your recent contributions here. What I'm hearing is someone who is disappointed and dissatisfied with their life, image, voice, persona... someone who feels generally bad about many things and isn't comfortable in their own skin.

    Having the desire to better ourselves is good and positive, but when we reject significant parts of our identity it's not positive or healthy at all. You need to follow the advice you've already received in this thread because you can't fake it until you make it.
     
  7. Joe2001

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    The essential qualities are to be a good manager and to keep the product running, but what I feel are the 3 front of house requirements are someone that is funny, personable and energetic. There's yet to be a Scottish CD whom I know of that meets many of those standards, whereas I would need more than one hand to count the number of English ones who do. I'll not try and fake an accent, but it is statistically true. I agree with what you would expect a candidate to have, hence why I want to get rid of all my issues before I join the ships (could be as soon as 2 years away).

    I would not say that my current outlook is presenting a positive image. The last 10 months have probably been the worst and all issues have hit me at the same time. I wish it would get better.
     
    #47 Joe2001, May 19, 2018
    Last edited: May 19, 2018
  8. SevnButton

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  9. Humbly Me

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    I think it might do you some good to watch Tom Daley cooking stuff on YouTube. Not only do you get to see an example of what being confident looks like but it breaks the image of athletes never eating unhealthy things - that you have to give up stuff for your appearance - which is a false assumption that society misinforms us with from a young age.
     
  10. OGS

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    Regarding the accent, you could always move to the States. Here it's considered a bit of a panty-dropper.
     
  11. AwesomGaytheist

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    Attractiveness has far more to do with the inside than the outside. You have to deal with those issues and once you do, when you accept yourself for who and what you are, then you become an attractive person both inside and out.

    Always remember that desperation has the same effect on your chances as not showering for two weeks.
     
  12. DRobs

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    Hit the gym, starting by building muscle, learn how to correctly and safely use free weights. Tom Daley got that body by lots of hard work.

    Take up running and or swimming. That will help tone your body. You might look into a martial art. Have a goal with your training.

    I was a Cross Country & Track Runner in High School. It kept me skinny. I didn't gain upper body muscle till I joined the Army. In the Army you have little choice but to gain muscle. After the Army I kept in shape by lifting weights.

    These days I'm out of shape.
     
  13. Joe2001

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    Thanks for your advice. I'll incorporate them into my summer plan.
     
  14. Joe2001

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    If we look at it in terms of personality, what works? Personally, I'm wanting to have a mixture of masculine and feminine traits rather than anything too specific. At the moment, I am rather introvert (which is a bad thing) but I couldn't honestly describe my personality.
     
    #54 Joe2001, May 20, 2018
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
  15. SevnButton

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    BTW, great thread topic,@Joe2001 ! You hit on a topic that a lot of us have thought about a lot.

    On the area of exercise, whether it be weights, running, swimming, or anything else: be sure to ease into it gently. People often make the mistake of getting motivated and enthusiastic; they work out and while they do it they feel great so they push even harder. But then they over-do it, and the next day their muscles hurt. Then, for several days if they try to work out again using the same muscles, the pain tells them, "don't do that!". So they've accidentally programmed themselves to not exercise, because at a primal level exercise equals pain. The best chances of an exercise regimen being successful is if you enjoy it, and you actually look forward to doing it. After doing it for a while you'll get to where you can push hard
     
  16. SevnButton

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    (Oops - posted mid paragraph -- not sure how I did that)

    After doing an exercise regimen for a while, you'll get to where you can push hard and feel it in your body afterward, but it won't be pain, it will be something that will have you feeling like you want more.

    The best chance of an exercise regimen being successful is if it's something you look forward to, and it becomes part of your life year-round. Just in the summer won't do it. It's good for your body, mind and sense of well-being. A good rule of thumb is to never let a work-out be more than 10% greater than the previous workout, if the previous workout was successful. If the previous work out was not successful, the next one should be of equal or lesser intensity. Good luck!

    =Sevn
     
  17. Joe2001

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    Fair enough then. Maybe the Americans would like it. I just feel that being Scottish may limit my success on ships as there is yet to be a really good Scottish one that I can aspire to be like.
     
  18. DRobs

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    I just googled Scottish Actors and there are some real good actors on the list:

    Sean Connery
    Ewan Mcgregor
    Gerard Butler
    Iain Glen
    Tommy Flanagan

    Save changing your accent for the Drama / Theater club. Us Americans think it's bad ass as well as attractive accent.
     
  19. Joe2001

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    Fair enough if I am working out of the States (which I hope to). If I am on a ship out of the UK, it might be more problematic though.
    I do just feel slightly held back because it is mostly English/Americans who are successful. I don't want to feel like a minority, nor do I want to be the sole person to improve Scotland's image on the Cruise Director front.
     
  20. Cas girl

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    First thing, people LOVE an European accent. Be it UK, France or even Serbia. So you have nothing to worry about, my friend. And I think Scotland is lovely country, especially the people. My English teacher used to tell us stories about her trip to UK. She said that Scottish accent was like a melody to her. Your country inspired the solitary reaper. I refuse to believe it to be anything but beautiful.

    This helped me overcome my body image issues, maybe it can help you.
    Do you have a favourite body part ? Eyes, hair, arms ? I love my eyes. When i was having an off day, i used to repeat that I have beautiful eyes like a mantra. Helped me through my weight loss process, depression and awful college days.

    Do you like languages? Language classes are a good place to meet new people, especially people of different cultures and it will be also helpful towards your dream.

    I used to feel crippling social anxiety when I had to talk to someone. As an aspiring diplomat, it is not an attractive quality to have. I have managed to control it to a certain extent. I attended classes for the diplomat examination where I was fortunate to meet some very good people.

    Try to maintain a healthy routine. Being healthy is in itself a beautiful factor and makes you confident and attractive. Eat lots of nuts, they are full of protein and help in building a slender built look. Also good hair.
    Do you like jogging? Gives you runner thighs.

    And important thing. Patience, my friend. Rome was not built in a single day. One day at a time. You are young. You have all the time in the world. Journey may be tedious but the destiny will be worth it. All the best.

    Have a nice day.
     
    #60 Cas girl, May 21, 2018
    Last edited: May 21, 2018