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Gay guys: What should I do to become more attractive?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Joe2001, May 14, 2018 at 9:56 AM.

  1. Barbatus

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    @Joe2001 You really need to stop thinking about changing yourself in the hopes of suddenly meeting a guy. You need to be comfortable and happy with yourself. Any relationship you build on trying to be someone other than you are will be a lie that you will end up regretting. Besides people like accents and Scottish accents are really liked by some people.
     
  2. Joe2001

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    I have several other reasons for wanting to change my accent though (one is to be successful on cruise ships). Fair enough to anyone who likes an Aberdeen or Edinburgh accent, however not so much for a Glaswegian one. I'm Scottish by birth and that's all.
     
    #22 Joe2001, May 15, 2018 at 2:16 PM
    Last edited: May 15, 2018 at 2:17 PM
  3. Barbatus

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    What reasons do you have to change your accent? If you leave Scotland your accent will soften anyway.
     
  4. Guywest79

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    First of all..find positive role models....dont fall in with the wrong crowd....and I'd say you can never go wrong if you live and eat healthy....not starving but not eatting garbage food....dont be so hard on self
     
  5. Chip

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    I could not agree more with the above sentiment.
     
    #25 Chip, May 15, 2018 at 5:34 PM
    Last edited: May 15, 2018 at 5:35 PM
  6. Destin

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    You're being way too hard on yourself man. I just looked up youtube videos of those accents to see what they sound like, and there's nothing wrong with a Glasgow accent at all. You'd actually be really popular here in the U.S. just for that accent without having to do anything else. I like the Glasgow one better than the Edinburgh, it sounds more 'authentic' I guess compared to the Edinburgh where it's easy to hear the British accents influence on it.

    It seems like everything you post is bashing yourself somehow - there's nothing wrong with you dude, I'd have no problems with being friends with you if I met you out in the world somewhere based on the way you've talked about things here, and I'm sure your appearance is perfectly fine too.
     
  7. quebec

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    Joe2001....I have to ask - what is a "Glaswegian" accent? It sounds like a cross between Glasgow and Norwegian.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  8. Joe2001

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    Glaswegian is the term used to describe someone from Glasgow.

    Personally, I don't like the sound of the accent, but a key reason for wanting to lose it is so I can get rid of my Scottish identity. I feel as if I can't be the person that I want to if I remain Glaswegian. So many of the successful people in my desired job are English, so I want to fit in better. In addition, I don't feel as if I can be an out and proud gay guy in Glasgow. It feels as if men up here are all straight, beer-drinking, football-obsessed lads.
     
  9. Barbatus

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    What is your desired job?

    Again though, your motivation seems to be to change yourself to fit in with people rather being who you are, finding people that fit with you and having a take-it-or-leave-it approach to other people. You can of course behave in way that you think people like but this is highly problematic because you aren't mind reader so you don't actually know what people want and any relationships (friendship or otherwise) built on you masquerading as someone you are not will be doomed to fail. Primarily because no one will ever know who you are but they will pick up on an act.

    Also I know you don't have great experiences with a range of people but not all men in Glasgow will be like that - as shown by the fact that there is a LGBT group based in Glasgow. You need to realise that how you perceive the world is not right because you take your perception to be apply to everyone without exception and people are more diverse than that. You also have to realise that how you perceive things will affect how you come across to other people. If you approach someone treating them as a one-dimensional caricature you will alienate people and prevent you from getting to know people. You need to be much more open minded about people.
     
    #29 Barbatus, May 16, 2018 at 8:30 AM
    Last edited: May 16, 2018 at 8:30 AM
  10. Joe2001

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    My desired job is to become a Cruise Director. In short, they are the main MC of the ship and run the entertainment and guest activities. Most of the really successful ones are English, whereas there are only 2 Scottish ones (one of whom is terrible) so I would rather fit in better with the good ones.

    It seems as if the English are significantly more successful in this role than Scots, TBH.
     
    #30 Joe2001, May 16, 2018 at 10:12 AM
    Last edited: May 16, 2018 at 10:13 AM
  11. Joe2001

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    It's good to know that Americans like the accent, as if I am successful, I would probably spend a lot of time working on ships based in the USA. However, I still personally have issues with it, and I don't feel that having it would make me successful in my job.

    Thanks for the 2nd paragraph. I suppose a lot of it is self-hatred, but I just wish that I was better than I am.
     
  12. Barbatus

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    @Joe2001 That may just be because there are more English people in the industry. I think you are reading too much into it.

    There's a difference between self-improvement and reflection and self-loathing. Being better means building on your positives and reducing your negatives in terms of attitude, treatment of others etc. Self-loathing is the view that you have no positive traits and are worthless or less valuable as a result. You seem to think you have no good qualities and that's driving your desire for changing into someone else rather than trying to be a better version of who you are.
     
  13. Joe2001

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    Self-loathing is something that I have struggled with a bit recently. I have this image of the person that I want to be in 10 years, and I'm not sure if it is really reflective of me.

    There are more English people in the industry, but I kid you not when I say that almost all of the best ones are English, and the only Scottish one that I know is abysmal (Let's just say that he sort of ruined the entertainment/activities product on the world's largest ship and I was not the only person to pick up on this). Maybe I could salvage Scotland's image in that position, but when no-one else is any good, I may be wasting my time trying. Plus, on a ship full of Americans, what is better than an English accent?
     
    #33 Joe2001, May 16, 2018 at 10:52 AM
    Last edited: May 16, 2018 at 10:56 AM
  14. gaynonsense

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    I think that if you're really that uncomfortable, go to the gym and exercise. It makes quite the difference not just in how you look, but how you feel physically and emotionally.

    Otherwise, just be yourself. At the end of the day all that really matters is that you're happy and the rest will come. Keep you chin up!
     
  15. SevnButton

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    @Joe2001 , on your accent: my suggestion would be not to lose it, but work on being understood. The Glaswegian dialect is difficult for many of us to understand, but it is exquisitely charming. You'll have to speak slowly to outsiders, and be careful about constructs that aren't used elsewhere. My old boss's boss was from Scotland, and I never was able to understand him very well. But since he was the chief, that was my problem, not his!
     
  16. Joe2001

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    I would agree with you there as it is thick and there is a lot of dialect that others won't understand. My prime concern though is being successful on ships - if no Scot before has done it, how will I be different? Most of the successful ones are English, and if I move to London, then that sort of qualifies me as English.
    I'm also scared of being judged, although that does go much further beyond nationality.
     
    #36 Joe2001, May 17, 2018 at 10:05 AM
    Last edited: May 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM
  17. Barbatus

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    You're thinking in boxes. For a start two Scots have reached the top so your statement that no Scot has been successful is false. You might think that the English guys are better but that is not because they are English. Look at how they conduct themselves, interact with people, manage people and that will tell you how the have been successful.

    Even if no Scot had gotten that far before, people can trailblaze so you should see yourself as shackled by the performance of others. Besides, you are the only one who sees your accent as a negative. While some other might, a lot of people won't (I, for example, love Scottish accents).

    You need to deal with your fear of being judged and not focus on things like accent or appearance which are really not negatives.
     
  18. SevnButton

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    @Joe2001, you are so much on the right path, whether or not you see it!! OK, you've observed that the English seem to be more successful in this area. You're already one step ahead. Now you need to ask why the English do well. Maybe the formality they observe? Something else? You can learn that and play the role. Now here's the icing on the cake: the English know how to behave with a level of decorum that passengers appreciate, but Scotsmen know how to have fun! That's what passengers will remember.

    Above all, what will set you above the others is the willingness to watch, listen, learn and adjust. Maybe moving to England and learning from the English (while bringing along your own strengths) is a good idea.
     
  19. Joe2001

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    Maybe I am being a bit extreme with the accent thing, but of the 2 Scots in the job, one is relatively under the radar and the other is awful and should have been fired by now (IMO) as he seemed to have 0 investment in the job and caused the entertainment product on the world's largest cruise ship to decline. It's hardly a good image of Scots. Perhaps I should be the person to prove that theory wrong.

    As for the English, they have such a good wit and charm that is unbeaten by most, not to mention that they seem very committed (unlike that Scot) to ensure that people enjoy their vacation.
     
    #39 Joe2001, May 17, 2018 at 2:31 PM
    Last edited: May 17, 2018 at 2:32 PM
  20. Barbatus

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    Hmm, a lot of English and Scottish people don't meet those descriptions. Don't think that your descriptions are accurate based on what you have seen. I'm guessing you've looked into it but you'd really need to actually work there for a while to make a full judgement. You need to stop thinking in such a narrow minded way about what Scottish and English people are like.