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Gay furry sex pics found on 15 yr old sons phone

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Misscob, Mar 3, 2017.

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  1. Misscob

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    I just found gay furry sex pictures on my 15-year-old son's phone. I only know what it is because I had to do some research. I also found out he was carrying on an online conversation with an 18-year-old boy from the UK. I have no clue what to do. When I approached him about it he went into complete denial mode. He then told me I would not understand and that he was confused. I don't even know where to start. I told him that if he was gay I have no problem with that and that I will support and love him no matter what.
    I don't know how I feel about this furry stuff. The pictures I have seen honestly turn my stomach and I think that's because it's pictures of anime animals having sexual relations.
    I don't know if we should seek therapy or just let it go. He won't talk about it now. He's 15 and I'm his mother and I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Mimikyu

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    I've dated furries in the past. I didn't get it at first but the way it was explained to me made a lot of sense. I'll paraphrase. "Its mostly just a fandom. We just really think animals are the shit. If there is porn, there is usually a lot of personality conveyed through the use of animal features." I wouldn't be too worried about that but it does take a lot of understanding considering that it can look like something close to beastiality when its really not that at all. I've been told that most of the time any genitalia are drawn more human-like.

    Anyway, from your perspective as a parent I'm pretty sure your son doesn't want to discuss that part of it at all. You've made it clear to him you will support him and you are a wonderful parent and the fact that you've reached out to ask questions about things you don't quite understand fully make you a wonderful person. I wouldn't rush him to talk about anything just yet if I were you though. He is a teenager and quite possibly still figuring himself out. The only thing that may be worrying is the older boy he is talking to though these days it is very easy to have online friendships so the nature of whatever relationship he has with this boy can be anything.
     
  3. YeahpIdk

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    I would let it go.

    From the super minimal info I know about the furry community, it's nothing dangerous or too crazy. It is out of most peoples' general context of sex and turn ons, but it seems relatively harmless. It's really just a bunch of people who like to have sex looking like fluffy animals. It could be worse!

    I would talk to him about your concern about internet safety, relationships and being careful with that/talking to people he doesn't know. Obviously there's a lot that can go wrong if he's not careful. But I would not talk to him any further about him possible being gay or bi or whatever he identifies as. That's his business to sort. I also would not talk to him anymore about the furry community. That's like if he found handcuffs in your bedroom and then freaked out about you possibly liking kinky bondage sex. It's not his business what turns you on, and he's 15, so I'd say that applies to you as well.

    If you want to learn about it more, look it up online. But I'd definitely shy away from getting into any deep conversations about his sexual fantasies. I can understand your concern because it's out of the ordinary, but really, i believe therapy would be totally unnecessary and even traumatizing. I think a therapist would feel this is very normal behavior.

    Hope that quells your fears a bit!
     
  4. Justinian20

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    I would certainly not be concerned about your son. In fact, I would like to mention, a therapist would probably accept something that is more hardcore than furries, that is BDSM and at that the 24/7 relationships some people have in that section. I wouldn't worry if he liked BDSM stuff too.
     
  5. Misscob

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    Thank you for everyone's information. I may not have been clear enough. The pictures I found are of anime animals. Not the furr community that I am fully aware of. These are anime animals, extremely graphic, having gay sex. It was a complete Tumblr site for all of these pictures.
     
  6. pinkpanther

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    There is a whole porn industry that produces anime of animals having sex with other animals, or humans and other animals, etc. The animals are most often anthropomorphic, i.e., have some human characteristics. It's porn, it's popular especially on Tumblr, and many find it entertaining. But at the end of the day, I don't know any individuals who have been pathological about it; everyone knows that it's a fantasy and it's porn.

    I know that the tentacles can be a bit scary at the start, but it gets better. Don't worry about that too much.
     
  7. gravechild

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    If you keep prodding, he'll continue to clam up and become more distant. Therapy might strain things even further. For a lot of folk, furry fandom goes further than simply sex, but that's because its such a core part of many identities. It's totally different from zoophilia, so no need to worry there.
     
  8. Chip

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    This is a really challenging situation. I'm inclined to agree with the rest of the people posting that it's likely more of a passing phase than anything to be concerned about. The anime and furry porn thing is generally considered to be pretty harmless.

    The only part that I'd have concern about is whether his age makes a difference. We have a board member who is a therapist with a lot of experience with adolescents around these sorts of issues. I'll reach out to him and see if he has any specific thoughts or concerns. That might take several days, but I'll see what, if anything, he comes back with.
     
  9. YeahpIdk

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    I agree with everything this poster said, and would add that this new info seems even less worrisome than before. It's still something that's out of the ordinary for some, but this has been popular since I was his age...which is over ten years ago now. Anyone I've ever known that's into it has never been compromised, or had their understanding of sex distorted in some way by it. It becomes more of a hobby than anything else. I wouldn't be too bothered by it:slight_smile: It's just another form of art to many.

    I'd forget I ever even saw it!
     
  10. Mimikyu

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    No, you were clear. Its not all fursuits in that community. Anthro is pretty big in it. There are quite a few dynamics to it. It can be weird especially if its not your thing. But honestly thats all fetish porn. Definitely don't bring it up with your son.... but if you have an issue with censorship of internet porn that's an entirely different issue and parenting choice. Just don't mention the type of porn specifically... it will only cause embarrassment.
     
  11. Creativemind

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    I would just let it go. I find anime porn more harmless than real life porn, and it's too what I started with. Most people into furries don't want to do anything with real life animals, It's just a weird fantasy that has nothing to do with real life.
     
  12. Poppy43

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    Sounds a bit too weird and creepy for my liking,so its cartoon animals having sex with one and other? I dont think I'd be too happy really, it sounds really pathetic and naff.
    I think I'd feel like you do OP.
     
    #12 Poppy43, Mar 3, 2017
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  13. FluffyLightFox

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    I think everyone has already told you everything you need to know. That kind of porn (we have a word for it but I'm gonna spare you) is a side of the fandom. There's really no harm in it (unless it turns into an addiction). Some consider it as a form of art (which in my opinion it is, for some of it). Now your policy regarding that kind of content is yours and yours only, deal with it as you would if it were any other kind of pornography. In fact, only dealing with the specific furry aspect may make your kid feel more and more like he's just weird. Maybe try and see with him what the dangers of porn (in general) are and work from there (but I'm not a psychologist and I'm known to give pretty "meh" advices so, take it with a spoonful of salt, and wait for a more competent person's advice, like a staff member).

    Now with the conversation.. ask him to be frank about the nature of their conversation. The age gap between 15 and 18 is pretty wide, although it is possible for some people with similar interests, with that kind of age set, to have proper communications and be acquaintances, without the intimacy of friendship. It is rare though, and boundaries are hard to set, so you should know about what they've been exchanging about (maybe not the specifics, but the general topics), and maybe ask if your kid knows things about the guy, or if you could talk with him (you know, to be sure he's just 18 and not older). This kind of situation can be as dangerous as handling nuclear waste, so, maybe, wait for someone more competent in teenage psychology to answer.
     
  14. LunarLyric

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    I think this anime animal thing is either just a passing thing or a fetish of sorts. There is no harm in it. Honestly, he's your son so he will probably not want to talk about sexual things with you and i am of the opinion that he should not be pressed into it. He will only clam up and distance himself from you.
     
  15. Kira

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    As long as they're not underage, non-consensual, or literal animals I fail to see the harm. Unfortunately people will cross boundaries even if they are clearly set for a reason, though. If they're sentient fictional humanoids, sort of in the same sense as a Star Wars alien race or a mermaid or so, it's completely normal. For most people it's more of an art form or hobby, but every fandom has different sides. Happens to the anime folks too. And strangely the My Little Pony characters, that took a while to de-sensitize. :confused:

    As for having an unmentioned long-distance relationship, that's another story. I'd say the age difference can get them both in a little bit of legal trouble, and if you don't know him I wouldn't be too trusting. Got to keep an eye out and make sure he's there for the right reasons you know? And even then there's still the law, 4 years age difference isn't normally a huge deal but your son is still considered a minor so it could be more complicated.
     
  16. Chiroptera

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    I'll echo what has been said. Being close to the furry community myself (i think i can consider myself a furry), i don't see any problem with what happened here about the furry porn, as long as he understands the difference between fantasy and real relationships (and that goes for any kind of porn, even regular videos, really).

    You don't need to discuss details about his fantasies (because it is a personal thing). But if you talk to him about the situation, i think it would be useful to comment about the difference of fantasy and real relationships. Repeating: There isn't any problem of enjoying that kind of material, as long as the difference about that kind of fantasy and real relationships are very clear in his mind.

    His communication with a 18 year boy may be a bit more complicated because of the age difference, like others commented.
     
  17. A Number

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    As long as he understands it's fantasy I don't think there's really a lot to worry about. I've been involved in the furry community, though never the sexual side considering it doesn't interest me. He's a teenager, and the 14 through 17 years often contain a lot of experimentation and self exploration. Bringing it up or pressing the issue will likely only make him more distant, may even make him feel shame. I'd say it's a safe bet to let it go, just let him know you're there if he needs to talk.
     
    #17 A Number, Mar 4, 2017
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  18. Misscob

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    Thank you to everyone's replies. I will admit that y'all have eased my mind. As for him and the conversation with the 18-year-old boy, I have ended that. So that is not an issue at this point in time. As for the rest, I'm going to just let it be for now. Maybe in a few weeks I will ask if he wants to talk. I think we all need to just let the dust settle. Thank you again to Everyone!!
     
  19. YeahpIdk

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    Hopefully there wasn't too much trauma for anyone from it.

    I just wanted to say, don't think you ended that relationship just because you made it an issue. If they want to talk to each other, they will. I think the best thing you can do is be more open to understanding their relationship so he doesn't need to hide it from you -- and that's just in case it is something inappropriate, or turns into it. You may have already turned it into something he's going to hide. You won't be able to totally control it if so, but I would ease up on it if you want to make sure he's safe and honest with you.

    Just my two cents.
     
  20. dragon20

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    It seems like the problem is solved but I guess I'll put in my two cents. Like basically everyone else has said, as long as he can distinguish fantasy from reality, it's all good. However, I would like to say that the furry community isn't just a fetish community. I consider myself a furry and I'm more into the art and the community than the sex aspect. I've mostly dealt with it over the internet since there's not much of a furry community in rural Minnesota but most of the furries I've met have been nice and led perfectly normal lives, whatever normal means.
    As for the porn, it's a fantasy thing. It could be a phase he's going through, he could be into it, whatever. If you pressure him though, he'll probably distance himself more. Just think about it like this, how many 15 year old boys willingly talk about porn with their moms? Just let it go and when he's ready to talk, he will. Sorry about the furry PSA but I just thought I should say it. If he ends up liking it, I thought it'd be beneficial to know that we're not all perverts who dress up like animals and have weird sex parties. Or whatever. Most of us are normal human beings who like animals and art and all that stuff. Hope this helps.
     
    #20 dragon20, Mar 5, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2017
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