Gay bars

I've never been into the bar scene at all. Don't really drink all that much, don't dance...

Other then there being potential partners there, there's really no appeal to a bar for me. Always felt like a meat market to me.

 

When I was at a place in my life where I was going to the bars, I didn't drink at all. I went because I enjoyed dancing and going with my friends, many of whom liked to do Happy Hour somewhere and then go to one of the gay bars to dance. I would order a near beer (cheap, non-alcoholic, and much more plentiful than the little cup of soda they would give you) and spend about 3-4hrs on the dance floor and maybe half an hour socializing. A good way to burn off tension from the week.

Different bars have different vibes. Some are pure dance club, some are more like a bar with pool tables and darts, some may have an actual piano player or something. Some are more of a meat market than others. Although even in a major meat market, most guys will just shrug and move on if you aren't interested. No one is going to hit you over the head and drag you back to their cave or something.

Some bars may have a pretty strong sense of community, up to and including hosting events for charity, and having regulars who know each other both in and out of the bar. Others not so much.

Ultimately, it's something you might consider exploring (meaning visiting several different ones, seeing if you like the vibe, or if host events that interest you, etc.), or might decide is not your thing.

Todd

 

It's no more a "must" than anything else. I do however think if you have any decent ones available to you it probably is something you should at least experience, if for no other reason than to know (should it turn out really not to be your thing) that you weren't missing anything. The bar scene has been a rather important part of my life as a gay man. I don't really drink much--in fact I didn't drink at all until almost a year after I started going to gay bars--but I've always enjoyed the camaraderie of gay bars. There must be something to it--a lot of my straight friends enjoy coming along. My straight friends tend to point out that they are cleaner, have better music and more civil crowds than their own bars. Plus they're full of gay people and, what can I say, I adore gay people! Many of my closest lifelong friends (well twenty years or so) I met in gay bars, including my partner of 17 years. It's not for everyone and I certainly wouldn't say you should feel bad if it turns out it isn't for you but I do think, like with most things, you probably shouldn't knock it until you've at least tried it.

 

I go to gay bars sometimes. I first started going because I had just started dating a woman for the first time and felt so self conscious because we were getting lots of looks. So she took me to this city known for its gay population. After I got comfortable I didn't even think about getting strange looks anywhere else.

I'm not a big drinker either, but it's fun to go on occasion. And if it helps you become more comfortable with yourself, then it can be a plus. But if you're just not into that scene and can't see a benefit to going, then don't. To each their own.

 

You can go and not drink anything alcoholic. It's a lot cheaper. Nor do you have to dance.

Then, if that sort of thing doesn't bother you, you might end up going home with someone ... but be careful. Chat them up extensively beforehand to know they are mentally stable enough. As for their physical health, you'll never know for sure.

You can take forever to drink your drink, they'll usually refill it for you, you can look at eye candy is that is either within your league or impossibly out of your league, see some odd or snotty behavior (sometimes, grown men acting like impetuous teenage girls ... which is ok if you're a teenage girl), and wind up with good company to keep you warm.

Talk about bang for the buck!

I don't like them, for the most part, but I have gone to some every now and then. I'm there for the efficiency of it all. I'm not there to socialize. Sometimes, the people you meet become friends after the fact, if you know what I mean.

 

We only have one "gay" bar here and I've heard its a pretty good place to go, I just don't have the confidence. I'm terrible at striking up conversations and don't want to feel pressured into going home with someone just to have sex. Yes, I'm one of those "take it slow" types oiy I'll probably stay single forever :-(

 

If you do go, go with some friends. Guard your drink.

 

I went my first time with a straight friend, out of curiosity more than anything else. I'm not sure why I expected groups of shirtless guys dancing with each other, and mind-blasting pop music, because it was really quite empty and small. Since then, I've gone to a few in support of drag shows, which raise funds for LGBT-related events, projects, etc.

Yeah, it is easier going with someone else. A lot of straight people go, because they're fun and inclusive in nature, too. I think bars and bath houses of older generations are being replaced by the internet and more visibility on the part of gay folk.

 

It most definitely is not a requisite for gay guys to visit gay bars. The one or two I've been too were grotty, unpleasant places and have pretty much put me off ever going back.

As for not liking drinking, that's perfectly fine too but don't think that you HAVE to drink to go to a gay club (or straight clubs for that matter). Sure, alcohol makes socialising easier but you don't need to be drunk to have a good time. Of course, there'll be lots of people who disagree with that but I reckon you make your own fun. I have lots of friends that don't drink at all and they always seem to have just as much fun as us whenever we hit the town for a night out.

Your last question I'm not really well placed to answer, considering I don't frequent gay clubs. I would say you aren't really missing out on a lot but if you feel like you are then give it a try! If it's not your thing well then that's that.

 

Well, just like with regular bars, not everyone that visits them drinks alcohol.
And no, there is no requirement whatsoever to go to one if you're gay.
The only requirement of gay people is that they're attracted to the same sex.

Until this year, I've never visited an LGBT bar, but have since been a couple of times with a good friend of mine. It's not something I would visit on my own per se, but the local gay bar over here is not that different from the regular bars.
It's a small bar, where most people just sit, drink, converse and occasionally flirt with others.
Which you can find in regular bars as well.

 

I never thought about that. I haven't had to. The plastic cup has always gone with me wherever I went and, not having my faculties compromised, I've able to see if anyone was about to pull a fast one.

I think this is an uncommon event. However, it has happened. It has probably happened at college parties or in working overtime in the corporate world more so than it has in gay bars. However, it is another thing to consider. That said, a person who doesn't see themselves as seedy should avoid bars with a seedy reputation. However, some clean cut folks like to flirt with danger and they might like these bars.

 

I dont really drink, so why would I? I don't really want to meet a guy at a gay bar to be honest, it doesn't sit with me. This whole casual sex thing, really? Anal sex is not a casual sex thing. Not for me. Besides, you need to do all the cleaning down there. Hardly sexy.

 

As mentioned in previous posts, there are many people who don't drink at bars and clubs. They'd go to socialise and dance like (just like everyone else) but without the intoxicating effects of alcohol clouding their minds.

 

There are a fair number of people who don't partake ... in either. Other threads bring that up, too.

 

My dad is a huge worry wart. He once told me to be wary of people trying to slip drugs in my 20 oz. pop at an arcade up in Mackinaw city(resort town) when I was 17.

My mother also told me to stay close to her in the mall. She warned me that there were pedophiles and gays that could kidnap me and shave my head in the bathroom and run off with me. I wouldn't be recognized by anyone. That one was shared with me at about 12 or 13 I think.

Yeah, my parents are hyper about security.

 

are gay bars a good place to make actual friends ?

 

Depends on the bar, the circumstances, and you.

Bars come in lots of types, some more amenable to getting to know people/making friends than others. Circumstances can be as varied as with any other social situation where you have the potential to get to know people. Are you someone who easily talks to people and connects to them or does the thought of talking to strangers make you unbearably uncomfortable?

In a bar situation, there is always the chance someone will hit on you. Can you politely turn the down and just continue doing your thing or is that going to throw off your entire evening? Or maybe you don't want to turn them down...

Todd