Future with a woman

Hello, it's really good that you have that kind of clarity.

 

Ok what do you think you are struggling with the most?

 

Hey @HorizonSea,

I would venture to suggest that at least part of your confusion may stem from ridiculous stereotypes. As a lesbian, you don't have to HATE men nor ignore the aesthetic beauty (and attraction thereof) of certain male bodies. Just like gay guys can appreciate and even feel attracted to (in a non-sexual sense) extremely beautiful female bodies.

Ultimately, though, as a lesbian there is nothing stopping you from having an extremely close, personal relationship with men (just not sexual). And, as long as the line is clear (especially to us horny guys), it really should be a non-issue.

 

And what's to reject about being attracted to someone -- after all, it means you see some good qualities in them and like them. I'm guessing that you feel, however, that it would be misleading to have a romantic friendship with a guy when he would probably expect avphysical relationship too.

So what does this say? That you are a good person, who thinks about the feelings of others. What a burden. (Irony alert.) Ever since Eden and our discernment of good vs. bad we have responsibility to act on that knowledge, and can't go back.

But that's not advice, it's just re-stating what (I think) you mean. What to do? Have close male friends, but make it clear to them that you are not into them "like that". If they can't deal, back off. (Yeah, it hurts.) Meanwhile, step up that search for Her. (Easier said than done.) Like @silverhalo said, it's good that you have some clarity about this.

To go further, it's understandable that you struggle with how to live a life liking (maybe loving) men but still feeling they are not for long-term living with. What progress have you made with dating women?

[@Quantumreality, you were reading my mind as I was typing. Spooky action at a distance?]

 

LOL! Are you a physicist like me?

That's a pretty deep observation.

 

So you are confused as to how you can be attracted to guys but not sexually and then at the same time you have these feels for women. Are your feelings for women sexual?

 

Well it could be a couple of different things going on. It could be that you are bisexual but at the moment you are more into girls, it sometimes goes like that. Alternatively and probably what I think is more likely is that society has lead you down the straight and narrow so to speak and so up until a certain point you thought you were straight, you had no reason to believe otherwise. Then you started noticing these feelings for girls and that only naturally made you a little confused. For me certainly I honestly thought I was straight, even though I really had no interest in guys,I thought I wanted a boyfriend but I never actually crushed on one really and I never imagined or desired to kiss one etc. I didn't find it repulsive I was just pretty neutral on it. Once I figured out I was attracted to girls, I came to realise that my yearning for a boyfriend was actually just a yearning for closeness and my mind had just made the assumption that I must want a boy.

I am not trying to tell you that you must be like me or that is definitely what is happening but sometimes hearing other peoples stories can help you take a little from each and enable you to unravel what is going on in your own mind and life.

 

I feel same way too
And the feelings are strong

 

No problem. I was in my mid 20's when I first questioned my sexuality and that was all because of a to program. The main character was figuring out her sexuality and then she got a girlfriend and I had a heart stopping moment where I thought, 'I'm liking this way more than the average straight girl'. For a while I was shocked and embarrassed. I was like how can I not have known. I am not sure how I thought LGBT people knew they were before this but I assume I thought they just knew. I think for me one reason it took me so long to figure it out was because I never looked at girls and imagined kissing them or anything, I just don't think my mind works that way. The more I explored and the more lesbian movies and to shows I watched the more I saw lesbian couples and the more I though yes I want that.

 

They could be signs, I found the more I accepted my sexuality the more signs there actually were that I'd missed. It's good to look back and think but make sure you don't get too caught up in worrying about what you may or may not have missed. More important is to focus on what makes you feel good, how you see your future.

 

Best not to think about men then haha. Sorry I'm not making fun of it. I do think sometimes our minds can try and over complicate things. Someone on here once said what you have to do is remove all the noise and listen to your inner whisper, because it tells you what you really want. Perhaps this is yours.

 

Yeah I can understand that. Are your parents homophobic?