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Full of questions

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LostTaurus, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. LostTaurus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Montreal, CA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm trying to understand my sexuality/sexual orientation. I love men, but I lust women. And I find it really hard. I've only had two boyfriends and I'm almost 25. One of the two relationships lasted almost 3 years, but it was 3 years ago. The other one was last summer, but I didn't love him and it lasted only a month, I left.

    I can't cum at all when I have sex with a FWB, and if I come with a guy I'm dating, I need to think of a threesome involving another woman or lesbian sex. Even when I'm watching porn, the only thing that turns me on now is lesbian porn. I used to watch heterosexual porn tho. The last time was, maybe 6 months ago. But even then, was turns me on is the fact that the girl is aroused, moaning or cuming. If she sucks a dick, it turns me off.

    However, I don't love women at all. I fell in love a very few times, maybe 2 or 3, and it was always and only with men. I know I love men. I can't see myself having a relationship with another woman. Cuddling. Talking on the phone. Texting. Nah, I just can't. But I'm starting to find it really hard. I've never had sex with a woman, but I'm not the type to lie and pretend I'm lesbian just to have sex with someone.

    And I only have girl friends so I have no one I can talk to about this. They know I lust after women, but I don't want them to think I want anything with them. Which is not the case at all.

    Thanks for reading me.
     
  2. loveis4walls

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Alberta
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm no expert, but perhaps this is some sort of internalized homophobia? The over-sexualization of women in media has really made us believe, whether we realize it or not, that women are more or less things used to please men unfortunately. Its possible you really haven't considered women as anything more than a friend. Or perhaps you haven't found a girl you've actually really liked at this point. I used to never be able to imagine myself in a relationship with women at all until I fell for one of my best friends, and now I really can't imagine dating a guy ever lmao. But since I don't know your whole situation, I don't want to make extreme assumptions.
     
  3. ulm

    ulm
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I’m the same as you in some way, I have just accepted that sexuality is very fluid, and the love of my life could be a woman or a man, or someone between, and that’s ok, it’s about the person not the plumbing, we are still young and have time to figure this out, and I also believe that most people especially women are not 100% gay or straight... we are all in a grey area, love is love is love
     
  4. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    Hello there. You may be bisexual or lesbian, but from what you describe your same-sex attraction is too strong to ignore while the opposite sex-attraction is very minimal. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but you might have to think of the possibility of being lesbian and thus exclusively attracted to women.

    The reason I'm saying this is because for a long time I too lusted for women but couldn't imagine myself in a relationship with one. Personally I was in denial, because I grew up in a society were lesbians were invisible, nobody talked about them as if they didn't exist. The first time I heard the term, I was taught it is something that no woman should aspire to be, it was an insult, therefore I tried to not be a lesbian, I was not allowed to be one, such was the pressure in my own mind. All I ever saw was endless happy endings with man meets woman and they live happily ever after. All commercials, all movies, everyone around me talked about how romance is the best thing in the world, how it can be the greatest blessing and of course it was only about what else, a man and a woman together.

    Growing older, I remember trying my best to feel the magic of it all. But as I went through date after date, when it came to sex I felt the need to run away. I couldn't do it so when it came to that point I was always the one breaking up, for no solid reason really other than that. I felt as if I was broken, that I needed to fix this. It's not like I wasn't pretty. I attracted quite the attention and I somehow felt angry with them and with myself for not being in bliss. I wasn't conservative either. I wasn't trying to be a virgin until marriage. I didn't want to remain a virgin.

    Long story short, I had sex for the first time in my 24. Yeah so many dates, only one male lover. I wasn't happy, I thought about women all the time during and after sex.

    I'm not saying I know how you truly feel, you know that better than me. Your story reminded me of mine in many ways though.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us.
     
    LostTaurus and Cydonian Knight like this.