1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

FTM, Shopping makes me hate myself.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Blaine1999, Dec 7, 2017.

  1. Blaine1999

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2017
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Adelaide
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Guys,

    so I hate Shopping honestly I despise it, nothing ever fits right. Im not plus sized but i'm a bit chubby and i'm trying to lose weight and have so far been unsuccessful, in fact I'v put on weight because of the anti-depressants i'm on and I can't function without them so I can't not take them.

    I have no issue with pants because I'm 5'9 but tops are a whole different story. My lower hips and from my pelvis area down is like straight down and I have no butt at all I'm so flat, but the area between my waist and hips is a whole other story all the fat on my body just goes there and it looks like i have a constant muffin top and love handles the whole way round kind of like a tire I'm not fat but shirts constantly cling to this are I can't ever wear button up shirts they kind of just get supper tight at the bottom and I have to leave 2 buttons undone and if I get shirts that fit that area they are 3 sizes to big for the rest of me so I look like I'm even fatter & can't dress myself. T-shirts do the same I need to get clothes but I can't because I have very low self esteem and I can't stand clothes shopping because it makes me hate myself. I have cried every time I have gone clothes shopping for the last 3 years. I went shopping with my friends the other day and I literally just sobbed in the change room & made them take me home.

    I don't know how to deal with the self loathing that centres around shopping, I need new clothes I haven't bought any in 3 years, Iv just given up honestly and I just hate my body. How can I buy clothes that actually fit me all I wear are oversized hoodies that I drown in.
     
  2. Harjus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2014
    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I can relate to this. You are lucky to be that tall though. I only know metric system but it seems like you are pretty tall. You are also doing great job with your mental health if you have found something that works. Putting on some weight isn't that bad if you can function now. It has happened to me too due to some meds and that weight was hard to get rid of.

    If the sizes give you anxiety you could cut the labels off when you get home. The shopping experience might still be horrible. I don't know if there is any way around it if you hate shopping. I hate it too. I always go alone and just grap the stuff I need. I don't even try on anything. I can estimate how much fabric I need. I wish I could just sew clothes at home myself but I am just not that good. If you have that possibility you could try to sew clothes yourself.

    I have noticed that people can look very different if they just change clothes though. I have been on testosterone for a year and 4 months. My body shape is still feminine. Propably it always will be. I try to focus on the body parts that I like. Making your shoulders look more angular makes a difference. Cargo pants can work or not. I think many transmen like them. You can leave button up shirts open and wear a cool t-shirt under it. I have one shirt that's too tight on my hips and looks too big on my upper body but it still looks ok if it's not buttoned. I rarely wear them buttoned up because I feel too restricted.

    Shopping is a nightmare. I tried to order some stuff online once and I dont know how that happened but there was my old name in the package and it was a mess. I use a lot of army leftovers that I order from a place I trust. They just never mess up. I dye them if I don't like the army green or camo print. I have old jail pants and all my winter clothes are old and older leftovers from the soldiers all around the Europe. I have never had a better jacket. Once I tried to dye some clothes with berries with a kind of success. If you can get stuff like that it can be great. My old army stuff is not restrictive like regular clothes either. You can really move in them. I once bought a bunch of "summer shirts" that are like button ups but way more comfortable and they cost me almost nothing. It's cheap and slim fit isn't a thing. You can dye them with a colour that's darker than the original and if you get into herbal dyes it's fascinating and you get something unique.