I am currently a female. But I think I'm transgendered. Below is a very long post, so If you aren't in the mood to read, you might want to click back. I can assure you though, that any advice right now is helpful to me and I really need it right now more than anything. If you've chosen to read then, thank you and enjoy! Growing up, I wanted to be a boy but I also made it comfortable being a girl. As a child I don't think we cared or thought about our genders as much as we do as we start to grow older. So I still tried to fit in with the boys. I would be the only girl at the lunch table, I would be the only girl playing football with the boys, and I had more fun with them. I hung out with boys and only boys until puberty. Once that came I had to fit in with more girls. It was always weird to change with them, and we had school uniforms so my attire was more girly. So up to that point in school I had always dressed as a male and still do actually. But I am aware that how I dress could have nothing to do with me being a transguy. I've also always had more of an attraction towards females. Although I do find some guys attractive it's not sexual attraction. I've been with guys and tried things, and it was unappealing. I have had a girlfriend now for 5 years, it's a long distance relationship and we have not had sex. When I imagine having sex with her, I am always imagining myself as male. In my dreams I am also 75% or more of the time a male. I'm also aware that being trans sometimes can have nothing to do with your sexuality. I saw something about sex changes about four years ago. I was 16 so I never understood the meaning. I just understood it was quite a bit of cash to get it done. I never knew there was a process and I just was looking for a way to be a guy. I didn't know there was a term "transgender". After a period of time I think I just let myself become comfortable as a female. It was more recently that it's hit me harder than ever before. I can't stop thinking about it. If i'm trans or if i'm not. I spend a lot of my time during my day researching more and more about it. I find myself losing myself in other's stories and videos. Attempting to compare myself to them, to see if in my case it's true. I think after so long of trying to convince myself of being a female, I am in so much denial. I'm scared because I think I want this but I'm also scared because I'm just not sure. I've made a list of Reasons Why I Think I'm Transgender. I can post it if people are interested. The list complies over 60 reasons. I just need help. I just need a friend to talk to that has or had these same feelings.
You may be trans. I tried to make myself be comfortable as a female as well, but I always knew I was different from then. It is only last year (believe it or not) that I have finally come to terms with it. Ask yourself, do you feel uncomfortable being referred to as a woman? What about being called female pronouns? Sexuality and interests have nothing to do with being trans (or not being trans). I enjoy makeup and fashion, and sexually prefer guys, but I'm still male.
Wow, this sounds so similar to my story, even almost identical. I also had somehow convinced myself during puberty that I was comfortable being female, probably because I was raised to believe that if you have a vagina, you are a girl and you can't be another gender. Everytime I thought I might be a boy I just though it was rediculous and pushed these feelings away. But last year it hit me harder than ever like it happened to you. I was in so much denial when I started questioning, but then I just paid attention to what I feel now and thought about it a lot. Then everything just fell into place. It just takes time. But if you want to talk with someone about it, I'm here.
In fact quite a few people try to fulfill or even overfulfill gender roles, until they find out its not what they are... Its a lot of information, so I'd say take your time... You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...9807-figuring-out-my-gender-identity-s.html#4 The link for androgynous people might not be for you... its just this one posting... and your decision is up to you, you don't have to come to the same conclusion as other people in this thread... You might play a bit with hairstyle and clothing style... sweaters one or two sizes bigger, unisex or womens jeans, etc... what you feel comfortable with... there are threads on ftm clothing... it can be really fun... And you might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/149111-am-i-ftm.html#4 and here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/153143-so-confussed.html#17 You might look up further threads... I'd say go with your feeling... many people have a feeling of joy, when they imagine themselves male... its a feeling this is what they really are... You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want... saying you want some counseling... You might look for support groups, maybe in your local lgbt center... and build some community on EC, after10 postings you can chat with others via wall messages, after 14 days you can apply for full membership and join the chat and send private messages... http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/164130-other-trans-friends.html
Hmm, I wouldn't call you trans or cis yet... This is something you must figure out. However, EC is here to help advise you and even just listen! I am Chase, and like NingyoBroken, last year was when I came to terms with it. I would like to see your list if you don't mind... It might help us on EC get to know you and advise you better on these things you are worried about.
