I should not expect my evangelical father to change, but it still sucks. He told me he cannot accept I'm gay ever because the bible says what it says. He said he will always love me but I'm going to ruin my life. My mom has been telling people that I'm mentally ill and having a mental break. It's frustrating because I want to just not care what my parents think, but it stings and I can't.
It's very normal to want to be unconditionally loved and accepted by your parents ... we have all felt that way. As time goes by, however, you'll begin to see that they are flawed and limited people just like everyone else and you'll also realize that their opinions are just those ... opinions. And they are trying to cope with a rapidly changing world like everyone. There are a lot of stories of folks coming around to fully embrace their gay children after initially reacting as yours have. If you can be civil and moderately warm with each other, then that's pretty good for now. And begin to look for the greater levels of support and acceptance you need elsewhere. You may find in time that they come around as they see you getting on with your life and being happy and productive. But if not you will still be okay.
Consider writing a letter with support from the bible as to the different interpretations in the bible and the counterpoints that he has expressed. Doing so may not change their view initially, but it will give them a basis for which they can evolve their views. Its a foundation, a crutch, even an excuse for them to begin to combine their love for you with their admiration for the bible. Here is one article that has relevant counterpoints for you to consider: The Best Case for the Bible Not Condemning Homosexuality | HuffPost
Godless, I feel for you, this echoes my experience. My dad threatened to disown me when I was 12, and when I came out as an adult at 22, it still took months for him to talk to me. My mom treated me very badly (threw me out of the house) and I didn't speak to her for 3 years (my choice) for three years. I didn't feel like my life came together again for several years, and it was not because my family got any more accepting. As hard as that was, we did find an equilibrium where it was possible to have a loving relationship with mutual respect. Over time my dad became more understanding (he never accepted it) and my mom is a big fan of gay rights today. Dad passed on in 2010, but we never got to where he was part of my life. He kind of kept me at arm's length. It may get better in time, but you need to find love and acceptance elsewhere. Build community around you and be with people who nurture you. You may never win their acceptance but you can choose how to be impacted by it. Patrick
I'm new to this website and I have been reading people's post for over 3 days now. I have seen you Patrick reply to a lot of them and giving them good advise. I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, that you are a very empathetic and compassionate human being. I wish I could meet people like you along the way....
