After being together for 4.5 years, and married for just over a year, I am in the process of amicably divorcing my husband. Things were great when we lived in seperate cities and commuted regularly (we were together 60 percent of the time) back and forth to be with each other. After we married and started living together we quickly realized material differences existed between us as a couple living under one roof. We have always been very transparent with one another and began discussions about the differences a few months after being married. Of course there was stress, and there were open discussions about trying to bridge the differences, but there was also continued love for each other. After finally reaching a boiling point, I got him to agree for us to go to a couples counselor, quickly after some sessions we decided to divorce and go back to living separately. As part of this, he just acquired a new place in another city that’s a short 45/minute drive from the city where I live. We both have talked about our continued fondness for each other and our desire to remain good friends. So much so that I agreed to invest in 50 percent of his new place so he can be in a better location closer to his work than he could otherwise afford on his own. And being honest with myself, this partnership maintains a relationship between us even if it is a financial one for me. While we are going through the divorce process, he knows I am dating guys, although he has been too busy preparing to live independently to focus on dating, we have discussed his desire to do so as well when he is ready. As I have been dating over the past month, I have come across a surprising number of guys who continue to share their lives with former partners in one way or another. One guy I met works with his former partner at his business, another guy I met still lives with his former partner although they live in seperate rooms, and yet another is still married but they live apart. So, I am sensing a pattern here, and I am concerned the pattern reflects a degree of codependency amongst these guys with former relationships, and hence, codependency in my soon to be former relationship. I am not interested in maintaining a codependent situation, but I don’t want to lose our friendship either. As I look at the facts: there are no future financial commitments from either of us once the divorce is finalized so no issues there; he has a good job and is able to support himself financially; I decided to stay in our current place while he decided to move to another city although the city is a short 45 minute drive away; and while I invested in his new place, I am a completely silent investor and made the decision after his “hinting” to help him get a better place because a) it was a good investment and b) I do want to remain close friends. I should add we spent a significant amount of time discussing the partnership agreement on his property to ensure he is completely independent, has exclusive use, and retains all financial responsibility for the upkeep, general use and financial well being of the property. I have no real financial commitments going forward on the property. This was critically important to me. So, I am concerned about the stories I have heard from others who have maintained ongoing relationships with their former partners and my perception of the co dependency that exists. And where such co dependency hurts their ability to move on and find a future partner. In retrospect, maybe investing in my x partners new place was not the best idea, but I do believe all the other actions I have taken should ensure we can stay good friends yet keep a proper distance to lead our seperate lives. Curious of others perspective on this dynamic which seems embedded to a degree in the gay community. Am I over reading this dynamic and just being overly concerned?