Friend has her first lesbian crush … on me. Need advice!

Hi everyone!

A friend and I have known each other for approximately two years. We met through a mutual friend. Our interactions have been online up until recently. I had feelings for her in the past, but we fell out of contact. There weren't any hard feelings behind it. Life happened.

Recently, we began to text more often, until we decided to meet up IRL to hang out. We spent several hours together. During this time, we didn't stop talking about anything and everything. It was easy to be with her. I can't deny I felt something more than friendship during our time together, but in the moment I dismissed it as being our first time hanging out IRL. Until I kept thinking about it, and I finally realised it might be more than that because when I go out with my other female friends I don't keep thinking about it. (Even after all these years and ladies, I am oblivious AF, hahaha. Anyway.)

I know I should have told her how I felt shortly after hanging out, but I had other personal issues I was dealing with at the time that required my attention, and I was also unsure exactly about the feelings I was having, and where it was all leading. My last relationship moved quickly because it was my first relationship with a woman and an LDR; I vowed to myself next time I felt that way about someone, I would try to take it slow. In the meantime, I have been single for a few years. In that time, I have casually dated other people, and I have had crushes on celebrities/strangers, but nothing that has eventually become a relationship. I have felt too insecure to pursue someone seriously, and I have been too focused on getting my life together. However, I am out and proud to everyone (I'm a lesbian) ... I came out to my family for the second time when I was with my first girlfriend, when I was in my early twenties. I am in my late twenties now and I currently live with my parents after being out of home for a few years.

My friend is single. She is in her late thirties, and lives with her parents. She identifies as bisexual, but she is closeted. I don't think she has ever had a serious relationship with another woman, but she has dated men in the past, and been interested in women.

We have both since told each other we have feelings for each other (huzzah!). However, since then, she has become very withdrawn. I have asked her and one of her best friends about this. Her BFF said that's just how she is, but I doubt that because she was so open before, y'know? My crush recently said she feels "chaotic anxiety", and that she is "not really sure how to fix it", "it's all just very overwhelming," and "I've never felt like this before and I have no idea why." She claims the anxiety is not about anything I have done, but having feelings for me. However, I've forgotten what it is like to fall for a woman for the first time, and so I'm unsure what to do moving forward. Her BFF told me to keep in contact with my crush, be kind, be supportive, be funny ... be me, as usual. Which I was doing. But nothing seems to be soothing her stress, and frankly, it's kinda doing my head in. Hence why I am here, typing an essay to strangers.

My questions are as follows. Should I wait for her anxiety to pass? How do I support her properly in the meantime? How do I do so without being too emotionally invested, or taking it personally? I want to be with her (she knows this), but I don't feel like I can wait for her forever (I hope that doesn't sound rude; I don't mean it to be, just being as honest as possible). I have told her I'm happy to talk about anything anytime, answer any questions she might have about me/the situation, anything and everything I can think of to say, I have said it. I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing and what else I could do, basically.

TIA for reading and replying. Any insight or advice is appreciated! I'm new here so I hope I haven't broken any rules. If so, I'm sorry, and I'm happy to resubmit if needed.

 

Tha

Thank you! I appreciate the reassurance and the insight. Honestly, I feel like I have asked and invited her so many times to express how she feels and that she doesn’t have anything to worry about, etc. There’s only so much I can say and do, and I feel like maybe I’m taking on too much of the problem as usual. I guess I just need to focus on moving on! I tend to get caught in this situation a lot, and it sucks, but it is what it is. Thanks again!