freinemies

i think you are right to feel cautious. i also think your mixed feelings about him are pretty natural. You were best friends for 6 years. Even when someone becomes mean and hurtful, those 6 years do not just go away... for either of you. He's homophobic, and it's common for gay guys to be homophobic. There's so much condoning against gays and being gay, his meanness and rejection of you can easily be denial of his own feelings. But we don't know, that's just speculation, but it is not uncommon. He could also be afraid of being a friend of a gay person, not because he hates you, but because he if afraid of being thought of as gay, so he's trying to demonstrate to others how much he "hates gays," even though he may not hate gays, and may even like guys himself. So much fear.
He has shown you he cannot be trusted right now, i think it wise not to meet with him in any way where he could hurt you. If he wants to say something, he could easily write a letter to you. Or maybe if you did talk, it could be in a safe place. i do hope he has seen how bad his behavior has been and that he wants to make things right, but i think you are smart to be careful and that he needs to earn your trust.

 

i would not call your hope "fake." Hope is a good thing to have, it's just important to realize that the hope is your hope. At this point, you do not know what your friend is thinking and feeling. You are living in a town, a place that is not openly supportive of gay people, so it is a very hard place to be gay. If a person is just starting to realize they are gay, there can be a lot of fear. You know that first hand, because you are in that position. But you have chosen to accept your self and that's a big deal. Not everyone accepts their self as quickly, some people really struggle with it, and that may be the case with your friend. It's called denial, and it's a very real thing. But, we do not know, that's just one possibility. What we do know is he has homophobia. He is afraid of gay people and he expresses his fear by being mean. i know that seems strange and it doesn't look like fear, but that is what it is. Fear and ignorance. He may be straight and homophobic, or he may be bi or gay or___________, but how ever he is, he is homophobic at this point. Ran is right, "it's possible to get rid of it, if they themselves wish so," but that is up to them, no one can make them do that.
The important thing right now is that while all this plays out, you stay safe. There are lots of ways your friend can communicate with you if he wants to make things right. For example, he can write you a letter, or there can be adults like your dad near by who can intervene or make sure he doesn't try and hurt you, and just talks, if you end up talking.

 

First of all good job sticking up for yourself. Despite what people say about what you should have done, you did what you had to do in that moment. That pisses me off he took such a cheap shot at the memory of your mother like that. That's a bitch thing to do for sure.

It is also perplexing to me how people can change like that overnight and be so spiteful and hateful. But there are people like that out there, and I have met many over the course of my life. So this won't be the last time you'll meet someone like that. There could be hundreds of reasons for what could have motivated him to change. Healthy speculation is good but at the end of the day it's his problem not yours. So try not to worry about it too much. If he doesn't care about you then why spend any effort or feelings of rage on him. He's not even worth that kind of time. Just accept the situation is bizarre and unfortunate and move on. He has already shown his true colors and he's not your problem anymore.

I would give him a wide berth and don't engage in any of his BS. I know you can't exactly avoid him because you go to the same school, but just act indifferent around him. Again it's hard to explain indifference by talking about it. It's easier to demonstrate. Try looking up videos online "how to become indifferent to narcissists, or indifference is power." Sorry I can't explain it better.

Also I don't think you're wrong for hoping your friend will change. It speaks volumes about your kind nature and generosity. It's ok to keep that door open, but he has to be the one who walks through it and reconciles with you. He has to put in the work not you. At the same time you have to accept the harsh reality that this is who he really is and most likely won't change.

 

This got me thinking. It's sort of a double edged sword. One of the many downsides to closet living, beyond lack of sunshine, is when we do venture out, it seems to others that we are the ones who have changed overnight. Of course, we haven't, just their knowledge of that part of us has changed. But that part of us was significant enough for us to hide it, so it's probably going to be significant to others we have hidden it from.

Yeah, his friend is responding like an asshat, but my initial, and even long term response to my being gay was pretty asshat too. i was just as conditioned against being gay as everyone else and i literally tried to destroy that part of my self... for years.

One of my bigger take aways from reaching a place of self acceptance is how easily i can now accept others. It absolutely still hurts that my adult sons are "praying for" me to "repent" of being homosexual (rolls eyes), but i get it. i tried to "repent" of being gay for half my life... and i was gay. It took me a long time to realize that being gay was exactly that, a state of being not something one chooses to do. i quip now that: "being gay saved me from 'God.'" Of course, being gay didn't save me from "God," it saved me from some peoples (including my own) twisted ideas of "God." Reality didn't align with those ideas. But if a person doesn't have such a reality that forces them to question, "God" often wins.
i think that's true about a lot of our ego or ethnocentricity's.