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Freeloading homeless boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tabitha, Dec 7, 2017.

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How do I handle this without retaliation?

Poll closed Thursday at 2:58 PM.
  1. Throw him out now before Christmas and be done with situation

    100.0%
  2. Cut him off from money now but throw him out after Christmas

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Tabitha

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Eatontown, NJ
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    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am a hard working, 17 year divorced single mom. I had ovarian cancer 5 years ago and I am cancer free for past 5 years. Haven't dated in 3 years because of my own insecurities because of hysterectomy. Met someone 6 months ago. He said he was divorced.. that was a lie. He's still married but separated since October(last year). He said he had to have foot surgery because he has neuropathy in both feet. Told me was on disability but was waiting for state funds. He was living with a guy friend but said that his friend's girlfriend was bad news. So we started dating Memorial Day weekend. He still has no state funds coming in.. or at least that's what he says. He was selling his pills.. but hasn't given me any money towards bills. We talked last month that I need and want affection from him since I'm supporting both of us. He drinks alot and every day. Found out he's smoking crack. He took a bs job about a month and a half ago. Still doesn't give me any money towards bills. He had a state issued food card for about three months and did buy a little food. So no affection. He drinks about a 6 pack or more a day. Two packs of smokes a day. He was using my car until I found out he has no license. That was another lie. He got pissed off the other night because I disagreed with him and he smashed his phone into my windshield which is now cracked. I thought I loved him. It's only been 6 months. He's homeless. He lies all the time. I'm afraid if I throw him out he'll retaliate and break into my house. I had asked him to leave three months ago but he said he'd try to give me money, he loves me.. would be affectionate. NOT! He's done nothing but drain my bank account since I have to replace a windshield, a flat screen tv he threw the remote at and he feels he owes me nothing. So ungrateful. Why do I feel so bad about throwing him out? I know he's homeless. I have given so much of myself. Opened my house and heart to him.
     
  2. Elendil

    Regular Member

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    Hi Tabitha,
    I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It must be both frustrating and disheartening for you to have opened yourself to him and not get anything back in return.

    From what you've described the guy is a total bum and is only using you on because he wants a place to live without putting in any kind of effort himself. Likely the reason he couldn't stay with his guy friend anymore is that his girlfriend saw him for what he is and forced him out. Does he really seem to have problems with his feet? If he can walk around ok, then he is perfectly capable of working and supporting himself. You don't and shouldn't have to put up with any of it. You shouldn't feel bad about looking after your own well being. He's the one who chose to be the way he is, and its up to him to fix his problems after you kick him out.

    As far as fear of retaliation, if he does become violent when you throw him out or breaks into your home call the police and file a restraining order on him.

    I hope you get through this difficult time and get rid of the bum.
     
  3. N4rley

    Regular Member

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    Wow... ok you need to get rid of this guy asap. Don't do it alone, bring support several friends and family, be perfectly clear that his behaviour is not acceptable and you want him gone. DON'T compromise. And be prepared to call the police. You have a serial user on your hands and he's found himself a nice freeloading gig, and trust me that's ALL he sees you as. Change the locks and make sure you get some cameras up outside your house. Sounds dramatic I know but go overboard rather than give him the benefit of the doubt. I hope it goes smoothly.
     
  4. Chip

    Staff Member

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    I agree with both of the above. Get him out now, with help from friends, and make it clear you will get a restraining order if he bothers you again.

    And use this opportunity as a lesson to do some homework on yourself. If you felt better and more confident it's unlikely this situation would have lasted as long as it did