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Forgotten Your Birthday

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by crystalbal, Dec 17, 2020.

  1. crystalbal

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    Hello Members :slight_smile:

    I have a question for you all.

    Imagine the following situation:

    Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse has totally forgotten your birthday and did not wish you on that day.
    Two weeks has passed by and yet your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse did not mention anything about your birthday. It seems like he/she was not aware that your birthday has passed by.

    How will you feel and react about this?

    Is it like red flag in a relationship if your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse totally forgets about your birthday?

    Thank you.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    It really depends on how long you’ve been together, whether birthdays are a big deal to them (they aren’t for everyone) and whether they are generally good at remembering things. Also, what you have done to communicate to them that birthdays are something that you acknowledge.

    On the one hand, I appreciate there is an element of if they care then they should remember, but on the other hand, I don’t think it should be a “test” of their affection either. If they don’t see birthdays as a big deal or are generally not good a remembering dates, then there’s no harm in discussing with them that it’s important you and reminding them a couple weeks beforehand. Why make life harder than it needs to be? Setting up expectations but not discussing it with them is a recipe for disappointment.

    Also, why would you not mention it to them within those two weeks? Letting it fester is not going to make things better and will only cause resentment. So, I would say discuss it with them and go from there.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Dec 17, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2020
  3. PatrickUK

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    I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but I would be a little pissed off about it - even as someone who doesn't really make a lot of his birthday.

    In this particular year, with Covid19 amongst us, we probably shouldn't expect grand gestures, but nor should we expect events to pass without note either. If I were you I would at least mention it.
     
  4. LetsGoNow

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    I wouldn't be bothered lol.

    I hardly celebrate anything.
     
  5. sweetfemme90

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    I would probably be very upset about it. I often feel like I am forgotten in life. In a room full of people, I tend to fade in the background. My birthday is three days after Christmas and everyone is busy, preoccupied, broke, etc. When someone does notice me it is kinda a big deal and because of that I tend to cherish that individual and do a lot for them. By that I mean I cook for my partner, help take on a task, give money in emergencies, provide emotional support, listen to their problems/stress, make their life easier some how. So when it comes to a special day I expect that I am important enough in their life to remember and have them financially plan a little for the day. I do not mean they have to go all out, even a dinner at home within their regular grocery budget and maybe a small bouquet of flowers would do.

    Communication is very important. So my partner is aware of how I feel about being forgotten and so on. She remembers my birthday and we talk out in advance with each other about our birthdays. Like what we want to do, what meal we will have, a cake/dessert, and even a gift (including our budget). It's not overly romantic I know, but I always end up satisfied and so does she. If in the event in a long term relationship it was forgotten, of course I would be upset. I would hope for an apology and a redo of that day.

    If it were someone I was just simply dating or not overly serious with. I would probably find someone else. I think it is okay to have standards and to want a good birthday celebration.
     
  6. BlueMonday

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    Wouldn't care.
     
  7. HM03

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    I'm a bit of both sides of the spectrum. I do not like "big deals" and everybody saying happy birthday is awkward for me. However, I would be irritated if my bf didn't acknowledge it/ do something tiny for it. If we'd been dating for a short period of time then I could look past it. They do say "it's the thought that counts" so I do want the thought LOL