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Forgiveness

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by NotRealMe, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. NotRealMe

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    I previously posted something about myself but noone replied. I guess I posted it in the wrong section or it was too long to read or just not interesting... dunno. So I'll just ask a question and nothing more.
    Can you give any tips how to overcome yourself and forgive someone for what they've done to you and let go of your anger?
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    That's a very big question because some things are hard to forgive. If someone has really hurt you and left you with deep scars, forgiveness will not come easily... but the capacity to forgive is definitely within you.

    I would ask you to consider, what is the opposite of forgiveness? What does it mean to you to not forgive? In many cases it means holding on to negative feelings like hate, hurt, anger, shame, bitterness, and when all of that is flowing around within us it can be poisonous. Letting it go, through forgiveness, is freeing and releases us from the chains of the past so we can begin to move on with our lives, so it might be worth sitting down and really focusing on the potential gains from forgiving the person who hurt you. With your eyes fixed on those gains you might be able to take the steps that are necessary, still realising that it will be hard and you may have days when you revert to an unforgiving place (and it's okay if that happens as long as you don't stay there). It might be worth writing the pro's and con's down and keeping them to hand as a reminder.

    Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting and it doesn't mean brushing off what happened and learning nothing either. For me, it's about setting something aside so it doesn't overwhelm us and cripple our life and potential for future happiness. It's about moving on.

    Sometimes you have to practice self forgiveness too. Is there anything about yourself that you need to forgive? If there is, work on that first.
     
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  3. OnTheHighway

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    Forgiveness and emotional closure go hand in hand. By finding emotional closure, and putting an event behind you, forgiveness follows.

    Finding emotional closure often requires much self reflection, honesty to ourselves and making ourselves vulnerable. First and foremost recognition is critical to closure; then understanding the nature of the emotional event; understandjng why we allowed there to be such an emotional impact from the event (whether within our control or out of our control); and sometimes confronting the individual directly about such emotional event can all help to bring emotional closure. These steps all require us to be open with ourselves and being vulnerable to ourselves.

    I would like to think we can control the timing of finding such closure, but the timing is really based on our individual ability to open ourselves up and make ourselves vulnerable in such a way where we can allow closure to happen. And there is no specific road map or critical path that I am aware of to allow that to happen.

    And once we find closure, the ability to foregive can follow thereafter.
     
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  4. NotRealMe

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    In the previous post I said that I am a bit cold- hearted person and some refer to me as a snake because of what I've done to my family members. But I didn't do it for no reason... I think the reason why I'm struggling with forgiving them is that I feel such a massive desire of seeking revenge on them and I can't resist it. I just can't. Why should I even try to forgive them if they're constantly attacking and hurting me? Why? It's just easier this way. Eye for an eye. This phrase has been in my head for so long... But I want to let go of it...I do, I swear. I'm so tired of it...And I don't want to become a monster...
    Thank you so much. Thank you for your advices. I hope I can follow them.
     
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  5. Biguyjosh

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    Sometimes forgiveness is hard to do especially if what happened was really bad. Some people never forgive and others forgive but don't forget. Sometimes it takes a long time to forgive. I think it's something you have to consciously make the decision to do.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Mind sharing how they attacked and hurt you? Discussing it might be helpful.