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For the women on here 30 and up, how long have you been waiting...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by caliwoman, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    To have a female same-sex experience? How long have you been holding onto your "girl virginity"? LOL.

    I'm 35. At 33, I fell for a woman. I've been searching for a woman for going on a year, since last April and thought it would be much easier...but it ain't.

    Any other women on here in the same predicament? I'm not those women who can just "play." I can't just screw around. I've tried and I drove away empty, confused, and holding onto my girl virginity with deep claws. LOL.
     
  2. bunnydee

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    I know I am not the right person to give a response as I am not out there searching yet. But reading posts here, I know you're not alone in this. It may be the area you live in, lack of available women, or something else. Have you tried any dating sites for lesbians? They are not all out there just looking for hookups. The majority are wanting the relationship.

    I think of it this way. Straight guys have had to keep getting out there and still have a hard time finding the one; Our pool is considerably smaller, but if you keep trying, eventually you will find.
     
  3. Landgirl

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    I came out almost two years ago to pretty much everyone. 18 months ago I started attending social events for gay women, and 13 months ago I started internet dating.

    I am in the same predicament. I had been thinking it was largely to do with my age (56), because most of the single women I come across are either in relationships, or have been hurt and become wary of commitment, particularly to someone who they think could be just "curious" rather than already proved serious. Some of these women are lifelong lesbians, but at least 50% were previously with male partners, and after coming out perhaps 20 years ago have had female partners since. So I've been thinking I should have come out when I was in my thirties and it would have been much easier to find someone, but maybe I'm wrong.
     
  4. NYCer

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    I'm 46 yo and divorced (from a man) for a few years, with two young children. I started trying to meet women through meetups and online starting around November 2016.

    I've met 4 women online so far--most wanted hookups. One (39 yo) was sort of awkward, didn't connect, haven't met her again yet. I met a 36 yo who wanted to have sex that night, which I did, but I regretted. I met much younger women on some dating app where posting your age is optional, but you have to post a pic. I have been told that I look much younger than my actual age, so I met two women off that app--a 22 yo and 25 yo. I made out with the 22 yo--this was my first "date" with a woman in like years, so it was fun for me because I guess I've been pretty horny. Then I met the 25 yo. We had sex the first night and I've met her a few times after that. I enjoy the sex very much, but ideally I would like a romantic plus sexual relationship, but not sure if it could be with her.

    I met another woman (30 yo) through a meetup and I found her very attractive for a potential relationship, but not sure if she feels the same. We hung out once (but nothing physical) and I think I was nervous so the conversations were awkward, but surprisingly she texted me afterwards. I then texted her, but no response, so perhaps she is not interested. Oh well. Not sure how to navigate lesbian dating--who is supposed to be the aggressor/make the first move. She seems sort of butchy (I don't appear to be), so perhaps she is supposed to?

    Then I met another woman (27 yo) through another meetup and we bumped into each other at some gay even last week and she asked for my number and we're supposed to have lunch this weekend. Not sure if this is for a date or hanging out. I do find her attractive as well, but I really like the 30 yo for some reason.

    I've been pretty honest about my age--either I say I'm over 40 or my actual age if asked--and that I'm divorced with kids. The younger women interested in hookups at least don't seem to mind. Tbh, I don't mind hookups and actually quite enjoy them with the 25 yo (by far the best sex I've ever had in my life), but ideally I would like a long-term, emotional, romantic, sexual relationship with a woman. It's only recently that I seriously entertained the possibility of having a romantic relationship with a woman (my fantasies before then, which I've had since junior high I guess, were strictly sexual).
     
  5. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Thanks ladies. Nice to know I'm not alone on here. LOL
     
  6. BrookeVL

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    Well I can't lose mine yet, so I know the frustration. I imagine it won't count until(if) I get rid of the boy plumbing....so frustrating.
     
  7. Charlee

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    I've avoided it. I'm too scared idk why. I'm used to being with men I guess. I also grew up very Religious and still have shame surrounding my orientation. I'm 35 and I'm pan so sticking to men is what I do. I desire strongly to break my girl virginity but I'm afraid, sex is a scary thing at all for me, to add worrying about finding someone I connect with who is a woman my age group who understands....well...ya.
    I also have questiono of my gender a little too. It can be overwhelming.
     
  8. ifemme

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    I'm 39 and still haven't had same sex. Many crushes, some kissing and an attempt to start a relationship with a woman who turned out to be straight too. Totally understand here. (*hug*)
     
  9. JackieScut

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    Hello everyone. Did you all realise later on in life that you were attracted to the same sex. Last year I felt very attracted to someone and in a late night slightly inebriated deep conversation told her. It wasn't reciprocated and came as a shock to both of us. Her that I had felt that way and me that it came out of my mouth! It was like someone flicked a switch on with me. Now I am totally confused. I have been a single parent for years and looking back think deep down I was never really comfortable with a man. Now wondering where to go from here. I used to be quite content in the thought that I would be alone, but now feel I could be happy in a relationship but with another woman. Scared to bits as I am 52. 4 children, mostly grown up. I haven't got a clue where to begin meeting anyone.
     
  10. 7889

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    I am in a similar situation! I totally fell for another women and, at that point, gave into my lesbian self. There I was at age 41; married, with three kids, and finally feeling what true emotional connection is. So then the floodgates opened and I admitted too myself that I am lesbian. I am pretty much fully out. By this I mean I have told everyone that matters to me. ..but I do not advertise. Unfortunately, finding that gut wrenching, mind blowing feeling is not easy. I can not find a lesbian dating site that is any good. Recommendations please?
     
    #10 7889, Feb 21, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2017
  11. musicheals315

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    I'm 30, almost 31 and have only realized I was interested in women about 2 years ago. I feel like besides the fact that I didn't notice the signs when I was younger, I also didn't have one of those moments where I fell for a friend or another female. It was more thinking about what a relationship with a woman would be like and the more I thought about it and watched other relationships (i.e. on YouTube or represented on TV/movie, or even from friends in real life who are in same-sex relationships) I realized that it was what I wanted. I've been afraid to come out until I've had any kind of same-sex experiences. I went on 2 "dates" with a woman that were us hanging out, the first one we went to dinner and she paid, but didn't make it seem like it was any kind of date. Then we went out again to a concert thing through a meet-up group i was interested in at a lesbian bar and then she took me to meet her friends at a different lesbian bar. I had a ton of fun, especially at the second bar that was country dancing. I've wanted to go back there but have no friends to go with. Anyways...long story short, I've been wanting some kind of sexual experience with a female, but since I'm shy, not super confident in myself, not out, have an extremely small friends group, and not interested in 1 night stands, it makes it extremely difficult to find this.
     
  12. Bluenote

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    I'm a newbie to this forum, but as I was talking for the first time to my friend about my recent revelation of being gay, she asked me could I imagine dating. I answered that I couldn't imagine it.

    That was last week, and now I can think of nothing else, although I don't know how or where to start. She's a lesbian friend and much younger, so I wouldn't want to intrude on her, but she offered to take me out to a club or bar and just "look around" to see what kind of woman would interest me. I'm thinking now, that I would love to do just that - and even though I'm a bit older than the club scene, I'm in OK shape - so I wouldn't feel too out of it (I hope).

    I think I'll get out there with her to check out the scene, dip my toe in and see if I can even get close to losing my "girl virginity" with a dance or a kiss or anything.
     
  13. JackieScut

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    Bluenote GO!!!! If you have someone to go with that understands your feelings then let her take you out. I wish I knew someone like your friend. Just have a drink and socialise and see how it goes. You may not even meet anyone that you find that way interesting but you may make some new friends and that could open up a whole new friend group. We all have our lives, our friends and our situations... and from what I am reading we are all ready to 'dip our toes' but don't know where to being. It isn't going to happen by just hoping. I would like to go somewhere, i'm a bit old for a club but a pub or bar that I know has people in the same boat as me... even if just to talk about things with people in the same boat as me or that has passed the 'dip the toe stage' I'm not wanting anything casual but maybe that's what we all need to satisfy the curiosity of this marvellous new scary thing that has happened to us x
     
  14. Winter Storm

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    Hi there, I'm 35 and bi. I've always known I was attracted to men and women. My first kiss was a girl around 12 tears old. We fooled around on and off for a few years. But I was in a very strict religion and that was forbidden. My friend moved away and eventually married a man, pretty sure she was only curious/horny and girls weren't policed/chaperoned as much as mixed gender activities.

    Anyhow, I'm married now, and my husband is aware of my orientation, but my only experience is from my early adolescence.