Guys, I think I'm already obsessed figuring it out for a year almost... Imagine you were/are closeted and very fearful from nature...is it possible that 40 years old divorced guy on managerial position could be in such a strong repression/denial/ fear of his father and conservative family that would deny being homosexual when I confronted him with all evidences? Not only flirting with me and texting a lot of sexual subtexts/innuendos such us "I am catholic fellow I'll suck but wont swallow..."(sorry for being too graphic)) google searches , youtube history on why being gay is so sinful and disgusting ... After a year of very intimate hence no sexual relationship he is laughting at my face...( he knows I' m gay but I'm out only to him and he wanted me to make sure I will stay closeted for the sake of our relationship in public - we work together in a small city) . Those of you who have been there in fear and denial help! Does he only need time or wont ever admit it...
Dude39 People deny or repress their sexuality for lots of reasons. But, remember, it is his sexuality and he needs to address it on his own terms. He knows you are gay and, I assume, knows you would like the relationship to go further. Yet, he cannot commit to it. It is not your responsibility to help him along. Just be his friend. Now. I have to ask why you are investing so much of your own needs in this relationship? He wants you to be closeted so no one will think he is gay? That's asking a lot of you. I hope you are not waiting for him and denying yourself.
Thanks Nickw! The answer is so complex since he was the one who was running after this relationship- a year ago I wasnt even out to myself- the idea of me being in emotional relationship with a man was simply repulsive...but he has done a lot of effort to strike that friendship (first friendship in my entire life!) after a month I developed a feelings to him so he was the catalyst of myself comming to terms with my sexuality - since I ve never been with a guy I think I still hope he will be the first...He doesnt know I want know I want to be in a romantic relationship with him...this could ppse a risk on friendship. He doesnt want to be associated with anyone who is gay ( he also concealed from me the fact that 2 of his close friends are openly gay and one of them was in love with him 10 years ago) and I made a decision he would the only person I come out to and if not him I will continue my heterosexual relationship....Im really f..ked up I know
Dude39 This sounds like this whole thing could explode in your faces. I understand now why your friend MAY be holding back. There is a lot at risk for both of you. Are you out to your wife?
I kno I am not Nickw...This is all new to me... I would probably found a courage to do if the relationship with him was possible. If not I'll keep playing my role faithful straight husband...
Dude39 If I were your best friend, and I was a closeted gay man, I would be very cautious with escalating this situation. There is so much that could go wrong here. I'm not judging. I understand how intense the desires for intimacy with another man can be. But, you are putting a huge amount of your life, your sexuality, your marriage, your family, into this, potential, relationship. You are not straight. Do you see playing the role as the faithful husband as good for you, or your wife, for the rest of your life? I wonder if you need to back away from this guy for awhile. Maybe get some counseling and try and understand your sexuality and what you need.
I do as I have been faithful for 15 years.. I've never thought this "minior unimportant sexual thing" I tend to underestimated my kinky fantasies could be so powerful. I ve always seen myself better than all of this "gay perves" who took the easiest way....and here we go Apart from ethical element - do you think he might come to terms after all had been said...
I don't know if your friend will come to terms with his sexuality. The question to me is "will you"? You seem convinced that if this thing with this guy doesn't work then you will just forget about your sexuality and go on? Is this an accurate assessment? Not harshing on you...it just seems like you have tied your sexuality into this one man and his acceptance of you.
You probably couldnt be more right here however maybe this is all I needed to close some missing piece so I can carry on business as usual on the other hand this is so funny and/or pathetic seeing us both in that second adolescence - me trying new sports, him changing his appearance from old oversized jeans and shirts to all slim fit ...life has never meant to be so complicated
I don't understand why you describe your relationship as intimate or assume he is gay if you haven't had sex. It sounds like he might be just teasing you with comments or may you're not really understanding his motives.
OMG....I feel as though this is my own life being posted here; Catholic, married/divorces....text and innuendos...google searches....I appreciate seeing I am not alone in this ...
